Why do people assume that I cannot take care of myself on my own?

Question

I am 24 yrs old, college graduate, financially independent and I try my very best every day to be self-sufficient. I used to be in a very bad financial spot(had trouble landing a "real" job after college despite trying real hard, parents kicked me out & I ended up homeless because I couldn't afford my own place w/ the $8/hr job I had) and I worked my butt off to climb out of it. I am proud of the apartment, car, & job I now have.

So why is it that so many people assume I live at home? I can understand if I'm an age where most people still live with the parents, but it's not very common for a 24-yr-old American to still live at home. Some of the people that assume I live at home, are my age and have their own mortgages/houses! So why are they viewing me differently?

Is it because I look a tad young for my age? Is it because they don't perceive me as the type who could financially handle the large responsibilities of having my own place?

I live in an apartment by myself(no friends, therefore no roommates). I constantly feel like people are devaluing me, or underestimating me. I do not like it when I talk about the rent prices around my town, & someone says in a somewhat condescending voice, "Well do you know that rent is VERY expensive around there?", talking to me like I'm a little girl w/ a big pipe dream of having her own apartment but doesn't realize that she'd be too far over her head.

Do you think it's b/c people don't realize that I have a college degree and a decent job? Should I start yapping about my job & college constantly, or should I start using big intelligent words in convo?

The reason I live alone is b/c no "friends" wanted to move in w/ me. Do you think this is a reason why people doubt I could make it on my own? Do you think they see me not having any truly close friends, & think that w/ lack of support I'd have a much harder time getting by?

To Tom E: You bring up great points. I think I agree with you. It seems that a lot of people can't see past me being a "homeless girl," even though that was over 2yrs ago.

To Cris: You did make some good points. You're right, my sole purpose is to get people to see me as being strong & independent. It's not about a house or an apartment, it's about respect & acknowledgement from people. Earlier I wrote about how peers didn't think I'd be fit to raise a kid if I became accidentally pregnant, even tho I'm 24 & self sufficient...I was hurt by those responses too, for the EXACT SAME REASON. I want people to see me as strong & independent, NOT vulnerable & destitute.

It is true that more 20somethings are staying home these days, but I'm referring to a town where 90% people my age live on their own, except if they're going to grad school or just moved back to the area from a far-away college. Some people that thought I lived at home, have their own mortgages.

Answer 1

all the reasons you mentioned are possible,especially looking young and some homelessness.I looked young for so long I'd get carded for beer in my early 40's. (i'm 51 now and greying). The homeless part could be the trouble,though, as it's a hard stigma to live down. I moved and started fresh. If that's not an option, keep on showing the world that you're a nice, hard working honest fellow, and memories will fade. Good luck!

Answer 2

It's only a matter of how well those people really know you. If they're practically strangers and you're counting on their opinions to live life, then the problem doesn't lie within them but within you. As long as you're happy with what you've got, then what does it matter anyway? If they're your friends or relatives and can't believe you've worked your way up so well, then it's just that - an exclamation of disbelief. Doesn't make your situation any less truer. And you'd be surprised to know that a large portion of 24 year olds do live with their parents. Ethnic influences have plenty to do with it sometimes. They could still very much be American but, given their ethnicity and the cultural influences on that certain ethnicity, may be pushed to stay at home with their parents until they find someone to marry. Just a little note.

ETA: I read the additional details after I posted my answer and half of my answer doesn't really attack the question, but I'll keep it anyway. I do believe I've made some valid points.

Using 'intelligent words' in conversation will only make them perceive you as arrogant because truthfully, you've got ulterior motives and that will show one way or another. I think you're looking at the situation with the sole desire to let people know you're strong, independent. Not everyone has to know that and not everyone will pick up on that because we've all experienced different things that make us view life a little differently from each other. So don't sweat the small stuff. Approach people with thoughts of befriending them, not "showing off (I'm sorry, I can't find a different term for it)."

Answer 3

I don't know what kind of vibe you're giving off. Maybe you do look young for your age. If you don't have any friends, maybe it's because you unknowingly act immature. Don't waste your time complaining about anything to anyone.

Oh, and you must not ever read the news. Lots and lots of people at your age are still living at home with their parents. It's a bit of a national epidemic that housing has gone so high that many young people can't afford to live on their own. There are also a lot of young people who don't want to live on their own and so they still live with their parents. Maybe that's the problem.

Answer 4

Maybe it's because your question on this web site reflects your behavior in real life in that you are so unsure of yourself that you seek realization from strangers on some stupid website. Maybe you should get a hobby or something and develop your personality and that would help you act like an adult.