Should I stay in my marriage?

Question

I have been married for 2 months now and it has been hell. I dont get along with my husband at all. We dont have fun together and it seems to me that he is more concerned about himself than anyone else. He always wants to go out and drink and even when I do go with and try to have fun we end up fighting. He is mean when he drinks and last night it escalated to him telling me he was going to punch me if I didnt give him the keys so he could drive away drunk. He also threatened to kill my birds. He never touches me and when I ask him to talk to me he says he has better things to do. I ask him how his day was and he says fine. I ask him if he is going to ask me about my day and he says if I have something to say say it and stop wasting his time. I have talked to him alot about trying to fix things and he never has solutions. His only solution so far has been to make a calender with daily things on it like hug her, cuddle her, kiss her, tell her she is pretty. Not working

Yes I did see warning signs however we worked alot before we got married on these problems and they were gone a year before we finally got married. We have been togehter 3 years and I do love him. We got married and it is like all of the sudden he doesnt have to try anymore. I'm just not sure if I should keep going and working. I have asked to go to councilling already and he says he doesnt need it and refuses. I have asked him to go to AA and he went once and said there he went he doesnt have a problem. Im just so unsure of what to do. I told him if he doesnt think we are worth working on to leave for a bit and let me think so he is gone now till Tues. I am just so confused. I realize there is no happy evey after and that marriage = work but how do you know when there si just nothing there worth saving? I still am widely in love with him but I dont feel that feelings are mutual.

Answer 1

try marriage counseling first, or a marriage therapist or something. if that doesn't work, and he doesn't want to put forth an effort, then seperate, just tell him you need to be away for a while, even if you have to go to a hotel/motel for a week, it will be costly, but, a lot better than living in that kind of turmoil. if he gets angrier and doesn't understand, tell him why you left, if he doesn't care about what ur feeling, or if he doesn't show any concern for why u left, then leave, it will be best. get a divorce, after only 2 months, it SHOULD NOT be that bad that fast. that comes like years into a marriage sometimes. your newlyweds, you should be so happy.

Answer 2

This sounds a lot like my first marriage. Luckily, you are taking a good look at it very soon in instead of fighting through it for 5 years like I did. (I also had 2 kids before I walked away....that made things much harder.) In my mind if this is the way he is going to approach the relationship then he really has no interest in making it work. Sure, me and my husband fight on occasion, but he would never threaten violence of any sort. If he is even threatening then the day will most likely come when he has had one too many and it will no longer be words coming out of his mouth, it will be action. It is not worth it!!! It hasn't been 90 days yet so I would be looking into an annulment just as fast as you possibly can. Hopefully he will see that he is not happy either and it can be done quickly and with no problems. I wish you all the best. Really girl, get out while you can and before it does turn violent.

Answer 3

Conflict or anger itself does not have to cause an irreparable rift between partners. With good communication skills and a shared commitment to a marriage, even these are surmountable. How to save your marriage https://tr.im/QiNVW

However, at that point where one partner is at the brink of abandoning the relationship, how can the remaining partner save their marriage? If you are at the point where your spouse has asked for a divorce, what can you do?

You must realize first that, you do have a choice. Often, when confronted by a crisis, we find ourselves backed into a corner thinking we have no choice in the matter. How can we change the situation when it involves another person's feelings or decisions? While we cannot, must not and in no way manipulate, blackmail or threaten our partner into changing their mind, we can actually control how we react to the situation. If anything, you must realize that you still have control over yourself. You have the opportunity to look inward and take responsibility for your own feelings and actions and even have the chance to take personal inventory of what your partner is trying to tell you. Are there points in your marriage that must be changed? If so, respond appropriately and proactively.

Answer 4

why ever did you marry this guy? seriously. He is abusing you don't you see it? Get out. get a divorce and a legal annulment. He won't ever change. May be he'll kill himself while driving drunk. But that doesn't usually happen. Drunks usually kill other people and don't even get injured. Don't get in a car with him. Better yet, I say... this doesn't sound like it would ever improve.
Get out before it gets worse. More importantly figure out WHY?!?>!?! you thought marrying him was a good idea. Was it because you thought no one else would ask? Were you afraid of being alone? Do you have issues about your own self confidence that he is now using against you? Get to know yourself in a a deep way before getting messed up in any kind of relationship again. really

Answer 5

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/yxS7o

Answer 6

Oh dear! Two months and you want to throw the towell?
Did you not date, know each other long before getting married?
Well, you want to stop nagging him for a start; Because it sounds like you have a clear idea of how you want things to be and what he should be doing.
So, try and let him be and see if it changes his attitude.
Instead of asking, offer.
Try and do some things on your own so that you can give some space to each other and also enjoy being with each other again.
Don't start being too heavy and see how things go.
Good luck.

Answer 7

There are 2 things that really bother me here.

One is that your husband is a mean drunk.
The second is that he drinks anyways.

I've known of three people who were mean drunks (two men an one woman). They ALL physically abused their spouses. It is just a matter of time before the threat becomes the first hit. Then the second, and the third. It will never stop the only question you have to ask is if you want to be the spouse and the target of an abuser.

Answer 8

I think he has an alcohol problem. How was he before you guys got married? Obviously you saw something good in him that made you love him and then marry him and he also married you for a reason. Is this what you want to fight for. If it is then try to help him ASAP. Talk to a professional about this. If it keeps getting worse and you dont see a change then get out, you dont want to risk your life. Good luck.

Answer 9

Sounds like you need to grow up,you had to have seen warning signs he was like this before you said you do,now things are not like you hoped they would be you don't like it and you only know one thing and that is how to quit well maybe you should get out of this relationship but what about he next one and the next ,you have to understand one thing if nothing else people are who they are only time and maturity changes people you can not make someone change so if you are going to quit this one make sure the next one is with someone your are in love not lust with you need to be able to love and accept them as they are not as you would have them to be or it will never work out for you,good luck.

Answer 10

That sounds horrible. Alcohol obviously doesn't help either.
Maybe he is internally terrified of being married to begin with, so he is fighting the relationship.
I'm sorry for your situation. If he doesn't want to listen or try to work things out, you may be just wasting your time. A threat of violence is the bottom of the barrel, with only the act of carrying it out to follow.