My husband wants to leave his kids and I for an old high school gf, what can I do...we been together 12 yrs?

Question

Thank you all for your answers. My husband has had a long talk with me and told me he just wanted to feel important to someone we have been together since i was 14 and its been hard so we have decided to live apart for a couple months and seek counseling.....and also to take a trip in the near future to recapture ourselves...to the people who mentioned the stuff about sex....that has never been an issue with us. I am leaving it in Gods hands now but thank you all so much for your answers. They helped a lot

Answer 1

Nothing... Why would you want to do anything. He wants to leave you, let him go...

Answer 2

Make him break it to the kids, and explain to them why he doesnt want to see them or live with them.

Guys brains are connected to their hearts through a "thin straw" so theres not a lot of connection there. If he has to look his kids in the face, his heart will kick in and say "this isnt right". Let him dry their tears. Have them look daddy in the face and tell him what they feel when he says that. Have them use word pictures. ie. if your heart were a playground what does it look like when you hear what he just said. They are going to have a deep need to get questions answered that you as the parent who didnt leave are not going to be able to answer. Making him answer the questions is a good idea. Let them express how they feel now instead of having it violently acted out when they are teens with no self identity, no self esteem and abandonment issues.

Oh, contest the divorce. Get half of the marital estate, get alimony and child support if decides not to have a soul, and actually abandons his kids. I was a kid who starved seriously and literally because my mom just rolled over. Dont be like her.

EDIT: What attracted you to him? There was something there once. What was it?

Answer 3

that is terrible. Did you talk to him and he is sure of what he wants? Thats a big fall, 12 years is a lot. It might be just a little adventure... at the moment his eyes are shut, and you should give him a couple of weeks to see what happens. i think you should get a nanny for the kids for two or three days, and stay on your own with your husband and have a proper conversation. he might need to feel some of your love. let him know that you need him. if this leads to nothing then start thinking about your kids and get a good lawyer...

I hope he is just a bit confused, and it might be nothing wrong at all, and that he will come running to you.

Good luck for you and your family x

Answer 4

There is not much you can do. He is going through a mid life crisis and thinks that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. He just can't see the weeds that grow there too. Tell him how you feel and see if he is willing to go to counseling with you. If he is not then you need to go at least to have someone to talk to while you are going through this. You need to remember, though, that this has nothing to do with you. He doesn't know what he wants right now and is looking for himself somewhere that he shouldn't. Good Luck

Answer 5

Assuming you still want him...

You may need to wait out his fantasy. This is best done by remaining calm, sweet and loving. Don't react by lashing-out or making threats. On the surface, you should become the most desirable and loveable woman he has ever known. Always be nice to him - especially around the kids.

As damaging as this must be to your ego, it is ten times worse for your kids, so make sure that their lives are as calm and stable and loving as you possibly can.

The fantasy in his mind is that he missed out on something by not staying with his old girlfriend. He may very well go to her and soon discover that she is not at all what he remembered her to be. She may soon discover that he is not what she thought he would be and she will kick him to the curb.

If you remain the calm, loving and stable presence in his life during this period, he will most likely come crawling back to you like the pathetic dog that he is.

Remember, that your kids will be ecstatic to have him back home again, and they won't understand if you refuse to allow him back. If they are old enough, you can tell your kids that their dad has made a silly and immature decision. Don't let them grow up to think that leaving a wife and kids is an honorable thing to do.

If he comes crawling back, you should insist on marriage counseling before allowing him back in, so that he can better see the damage he has cause to his family, and hopefully won't dare think to try that moron-move again.

In the meantime, QUICK, see a divorce attorney to strategize how to protect yourself financially!

Answer 6

The question to ask is not what can you do, but what didn't you do or what happened in the relationship that caused it to go sour in the first place? If you look there, you might find the real underlying culprit as to why he decided to leave inspite of having 12 years and some kids in the deal. Honestly evaluate what went wrong in the relationship and determine if it is something that can be corrected or fixed.

Answer 7

sadly, i don't think there is much u can do but just talk with him, and let him know what effects his decision will have on u and the kids. that is really all u have control over. And be careful not to lose ur cool, u really don't wanna get into a shouting match at this point because it'll give him more reason to leave. this is extremely important, married couples often start shouting easily. If he starts shouting, just remain calm. important: U CANNOT START SHOUTING. i'm terribly sorry. i wish u the best

Answer 8

There is not a lot you can do to make him change his mind if it is made. The hardest thing you are going to have to do is simultaneously deal with your emotions as well as your children's. Divorce is hard on children. But even more so the "divorced" because you have to take care of your children first. This is going to be a huge challenge. But always remember to "accept the things we can not change a change the things we can". This quote has got me through a lot of hard times. We can't make people feel the way we want them to no matter how much we want to.Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 9

jeez, that's a really awful situation.

unfortunately, when someone makes a decision to end a relationship, they usually do so after much thought. after 12 years i would imagine that your husband has thought long and hard about whether to end the marriage.

i reckon it's a lost cause. try reading the book "it's called a break up because it's broken". it's a bit light hearted but has some really sensible suggestions on how to feel better and move on after something like this. it kind of gets you to view the situation in a different light.

Answer 10

he probably has a low self worth and this is all about the way she makes him feel about himself, she makes him feel important and special, because she has an agenda, and that's to have a life like u. theres not much u can do unless he is willing to go to christian counseling, if he has made up his mind theres no way u can compete with his new toy, he has to finish with it before u will even get a chance. personally if after 12 years he decides to leave u, i would just let him go, i know it hurts, and it is effecting your ego and how u feel about yourself, but understand this is not about u or anything u did or didn't do. the problem lies within himself. he thinks all of his problems will disappear when he leaves u, but that is never the case, because what he is not seeing is there are just a different set of problems ahead of him. let him go, distance yourself, keep busy, go to some self help therapy where there are others going through this and they can help u get thought this. life sometimes throws u hurts, its how u respond to it. never beg him, he will not respect u if u do. its just something new, something exciting to him, and sometimes people's choices do hurt innocent people. he sounds very selfish to me and theres nothing u can do but let him go.

Answer 11

There's nothing you can do but to face reality. He has a made a decision that he will eventually regret and now is the time for you to be there for your kids when they ask questions and to go through the court system for child support and possibly alimony for he has abandoned the family. I could imagine this can be a very difficult situation but time will heal and trust me, what goes around comes around. He will definitely reap what he sew. Good Luck.