My wife and I separated and she got an apartment in August. She had cheated and lied and maxed out our home equity account. However, we had been getting along fine and were trying to make the relationship work until a couple of weeks ago. We got into an argument and she tried to kill me. She went to jail and faces a felony charge. I also got a restraining order on my attorney's advice. She filed for divorce a few days later. I don't believe she wants the divorce, but is doing it to get even for going to jail. We had discussed divorce and were both against it. Now we are facing a court battle that will be ugly and expensive. I know she has done terrible things but I believe she is mentally ill. Her bizarre behavior is not typical. I know most people will say get over it and move on. But we are a good couple that has unresolved issues. 99% of the time we get along really well. I still love her and miss her, but because of the restraining order can't call her. What should I do?
2007-10-06 07:47:53 · 16 answers · asked by sunshinesky89 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Firstly I admire the fact that you have this understanding of your wife. However until she accepts the fact that she has a problem and chooses to do something about it, there is nothing you can do. Right now you need to understand that you have been in an abusive relationship and even if there are unresolved issues and you normally get along fine she has still abused you. I feel for the moment that you need to concentrate on getting through this and doing the best you can to help and heal yourself. Your wife needs to face her demons as such and do the same thing. I strongly suggest you seek counselling for yourself (and only yourself) and once you are in a better position then you can make further decisions.
2007-10-06 07:54:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sure she wants a divorce... are you blind? And sweets, why would you want a lady who not only has violence issues, but is basically unstable, if what you have written in this posting isn't a joke. You must love pain, or your self esteem is in the toilet, or you were raised in a home where this was considered normal. News--- it isn't.
Everyone who is a nice person deserves to be in a loving, supporting relationship, filled with kindnesses, and joy. If marriage is Admiration, Respect, Passion and Trust, --the four biggies, news, hon...you have none of these for this lady.... You don't have a marriage, you have a live-in boinking buddy. This isn't a marriage. Geezzz, I am just amaze as to what people will put up with in a partner when I read some of these. Hon, seek some counseling... two sessions will help you get your head on straight, and as well, set some priorities as to what you need to look for in a lady.... Life is soooooo short, and you are wasting too many good years......
2007-10-06 15:06:00 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though she has done so many terrible things to you, you still love her. Well i think you are an amazing husband and you must really love her. Possibly you could write to her? Although i see your difficult situation i think the best thing for you is to try and move on from her. She obviously has a mental illness or something like that, and yes she needs help, but there is nothing you can do for her. I am not saying it will be easy for you to move on from her, but its in her best interest as is it in yours. Allow the divorse, and just try and forget about her. At some point you will need to speak with her and get all your unresolved issues out and open. Good luck with it all. x
2007-10-06 15:05:33 · answer #3 · answered by Jo H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you kidding us? Okay, I know you're not, but...
She got the apartment and moved out and she made herself clear.
You tried to make the reltionship work, which meant either:
a) you tried to get her to come back and it didn't work.
b) you were meeting, and getting along okay.
c) eventually she did whatever it was to you, over a disagreement? (only you know what that is)
If A then you should have moved on.
If B then I suppose it worked for a while, but she must have already made her mind up and whatever.
If C then there's some missing info about why she tried to harm you, if she is mental then that's one thing, if she was emotionally over wrought (which very likely happens) then whatever was said, set her off and for you two to continue, is also not good.
You should move on. Let her do so as well.
2007-10-06 14:59:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to love and respect yourself more. Being treated like less -than-nothing is usually enough for someone to call it quit, yet she attempted to kill you.
And you're still in the illusion that she wants to divorce you to get even with the jail, not because she despises you.
Please, do go to counseling yourself - you are worth more than that. Your definition of love might be a bit skewed today, so you will hopefully find what it truly means once you take care of yourself.
Good luck.
2007-10-10 14:37:27 · answer #5 · answered by yogi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand you love her but aren't you afraid of being with someone who tried to kill you? Honestly, I think working on this marriage is not worth it. You all should have received professional counseling sometime ago for the issues. It's too late. She is facing felony charges that you put on her. If you felt she was mentally ill, then why didn't she receive professional help the moment you discovered it. It seems like to me, you too need professional counseling to understand why you feel you need to be with someone that almost killed you. Get help for yourself and move on with your life.
2007-10-06 15:12:52 · answer #6 · answered by Who me? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you sound exactly like women who stay in an abusive relationship because " I love him so much..." Please get some therapy. Get whatever crap she filled your head with out. She is not the only female in the world and yes you can get a better woman than her and stop making excuses for her behavior. What happens if you have children together. Try to think of them and not just your own selfish desires.
2007-10-06 14:54:01 · answer #7 · answered by meow? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
have her get some help and move on with your life.i think the killing thing is a deal breaker regarding her mental status and i wouldn't be able to trust her not to do it again if she were to go off again.it's your choice but as sad as imay be to divorce,it's better than risking another attempt at her trying to kill you!
2007-10-06 15:28:11 · answer #8 · answered by bratt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She Lied, Cheated, Took your money,and Tried to kill you? And you're still want this B***tch? I think you're the 1 whos crazy!
2007-10-10 14:40:35 · answer #9 · answered by disastro 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she tried to kill you, then I think you're deluding yourself that it could work. Cut your losses now, before she ends up taking not only your money, but your life. Good luck!
2007-10-06 15:04:28 · answer #10 · answered by Kathy R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋