Feminists? How did your mother influence your beliefs with regards to feminism?

Question

Did they encourage equality or reinforce negative stereotypes and gender contructs?
How did this affect you as you grew older?

Answer 1

My mother probably did not consider herself a feminist. When she was growing up she wanted to be a Vet, she loves animals, but her father would only pay for college if she studied nursing, teaching or secretarial school. From her past, she decided that I,( her only daughter), could study to be whatever I wanted to be. She was always encouraging from an educational and career point of view, very openminded.

At home she was however, a very traditional wife and mom. She took care of all the household and child related things, home cooked meals, packed lunches, ironed, laundry etc.

She also was rather bitter about men in one respect, that they would eventually cheat since my Dad cheated on her way back when and according to her that's why they divorced. She still has a very bitter attitude at times towards men.

My mother-in-law grew up in an even more traditional house, and is also very bitter towards men, but in more of the sense of equality between men and women. I don't think she would ever call herself a feminist, but I do believe she envies the type of upbringing I had, in which I was encouraged to try/do anything, regardless of gender.

Answer 2

I Believe I Understand Somewhat It Is A Language Battle Amongst Others My Preference To The Extent I Can Engage In These Discussions Is To Assume That The Correct Label If Any Can Only Be Fairly Applied By The Labelee This Forum Suffers From A Surfeit Of Labellers

Answer 3

My mom died and I think that she really influenced my beliefs indirectly when I was little. She was a thinking woman and she cared about people and I think that she would have encouraged me getting interested in feminism and what it is about.

She was old fashioned in some ways but that was because what she knew and liked. She may have had her ways and her views about gender roles but that is just custom and I think she rejected negative stereotypes. She told me that I could be whatever I wanted to when I grow up. So a lot of what I want to do with my life I want to do because I remember her.

I'm thinking about her now and I miss her soo much .. :(

Answer 4

My mother was moderately feminist as I grew up in the 70's. She is definitely a proponent of equal pay for equal work and thinks fathers should be involved in child care. However, as an adult I have begun to see the flaws in her thinking. She wants men to be sensitive and express their emotions and involved in child care, but she also wants them to assume traditional roles such as breadwinner and handyman. I appreciate the irony in her thinking as a natural part of her humanity. Her dichotomous thinking has influenced how I regard men in my adult life (basically, I don't expect men to be everything!). I've assumed a more traditional role as a mother but that is sheerly due to economics. My husband is very nurturing to the children and probably does more than his share. He is also the breadwinner, but I don't expect him to fix the car or make household repairs. It's not where his skill set is but I do value that he's a wonderful father. That is the most important thing anyway. You can always pay someone to fix the car or the toilet but you can't pay someone to be a good father to your children.

This was an excellent question. We need more questions like this on YA.

Answer 5

I believe my mother to be a true feminist, although she never cared to label herself. She is a strong woman who always taught me equality, mutual respect and emphasized that I can accomplish if I worked hard enough but she was also very realistic about knowing my own capabilities. She allowed me to explore my own options as an individual, and make my own choices. She taught me the importance of independence but also the value of being in a loving/respectful relationship with a significant other.

As a result, I'm a career woman, but I know I'm also fully capable of being a mother and wife in a mutually giving and loving relationship. I don't need to be a superwoman, but I also don't think I have to make a choice between being "traditional" or "modern"...I make my own values and rules based on what is healthy for me and makes me happy. I don't feel the need to pee while standing and I have no problem baking cookies on Christmas Eve, but I'm not ashamed to sound confident when I'm the only woman speaking up at a meeting or speaking at a conference as one of the few younger women. I don't make excuses for my intelligence, wants, needs, pleasure or lifestyle. I know what I'm worth. I know I have options. And I know my happiness comes first.

Answer 6

Wonderful question! :-)

My mother always encouraged me to believe in me as a person who could achieve any professional dream.

She was very interested in feminism and since a young age she lent me books, which made absolutely sense to me as I lived back then in a country full of macho mentality.
At the same time she taught me to have respect for ALL humans. She believed that respect was one of the most important things. She was a great woman. I miss her too :-(

Answer 7

My mother was not even close to being equal with my father because of the power imbalance in their relationship. My father was extremely abusive towards her, and very discriminative + racist.

I'm not a man hater - I don't think men are $h!t in the slightest. I happen to have mostly male friends + a loving boyfriend that I adore. but it has made me strive to surround myself with others that see all people as equals, regardless of ethnicity, gender, etc.

Answer 8

My mom is a confusing bunch of contradictions. She is deeply religious, wanted to be a great mother like she never had, but also wanted to be a nurse.

She tried to be a great mom, but we were poor and after 4 kids she hated being home. She got recertified in nursing and went back to work part-time, split shifts.My dad hated it and took it out on all of us.

I'm sure this isn't what she wanted to teach me, but based on what I saw happen to her and other women of her generation, this is what I decided (my mom grew up in the 40's and 50's):

-I learned it was mandatory to have an education, so you could be independent. Your partner can be abusive or ill, or die.
-Don't have kids, unless you have the tools to be good parents. Trying hard doesn't count, you need patience, must be mature, and must have fantastic coping skills.
-Marriage can be a prison, with invisible bars. Be careful who you choose.
-Don't limit yourself to the choices of your parents-explore first. My parents wanted me to get an education, but had very traditional views of what women could do in the workplace. I listened, but didn't do what they told me.
-Make sure you pick a partner who does not have rigid ideas about women and men do, or you'll be living a very traditional life.
-There's no excuse for hitting an adult or a child in anger or rage. You never know who can become violent or why. But you have to leave them, or you are forcing your family to live in degradation.
-Watch how your partner interacts with their family--it can tell you so much about what they will expect of you and how they really view a family and partnership.

I made fewer of the mistakes my mother did, but still made some of the same ones and plenty of different ones. But I was willing to leave unhappy, destructive relationships and I was willing to take responsibility for my contributions or lack of ones to my relationships and friendships. It's easier to just float, but you're usually miserable if you do. I like taking risks, and it worked for me.

Answer 9

I was never really close to my parents, so I'm not sure about what my mom thought about feminism itself.. But she was a doctor, she pursued her dreams despite a doctor being "a male's job" or becoming a nurse instead [not to say that nurses aren't important, but that isn't what she wanted to be].

Answer 10

She didn't. If anything, I influenced HER. Only now do I realize how some of the things she's done in the past (i.e. home-based business, going back to school) have corroborated my beliefs.