Honsestly, never really been a good husband: Have cheated on my wife several times, and I'm really starting to realize (through therapy) how destructive it is. Really trying to repent and make up for my past transgressions, and wondering if anyone out there could give me some methods of dealing so I can be SURE that I won't fall back into my old ways.
I really do love my wife - am in love with her still - and we have issues with many things, but I realize now that really working on them is the way to deal with the stress...not just to look for solace and fulfillment in someone else. Any help would really be appreciated for how I can keep straight and not fall into this trap again would be appreciated. Thanks!
2007-10-06 05:18:57 · 18 answers · asked by beinggood 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you 'love' her, do her a favor and just get out of her life !
I dont know why the women on YA always fall for the 'sorry i cheated guy'...
Dragonfire hit the nail on the head here.
It is a shame the questioner has no idea what true love is...but 'candy-coating' your answers will not help him.
2007-10-06 05:59:37 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Whatever the reasons and thoughts you had BEFORE that allowed you to justify cheating in the past may be the same ones that creep up on you from time to time. So, now that you have a clean slate so to speak and you are acknowledging the very deep emotional damage to your wife and marriage that cheating has caused, make sure if you find yourself even looking at a woman in a sexual way, to stop immediately, and think beyond that to what the consequences would be. There are consequences to every action. Once you start changing your thinking patterns it may become easier. If you look at porn, get rid of it! If you tend to act flirty with women, stop doing that! Basically, figure out how to master the hardest yet most important mental exercise a person can accomplish: Self-control. Best wishes.
2007-10-06 05:56:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Any time you are close to cheating, you have that 'moment' when you can stop and walk away. Make certain that when thoughts of cheating enter your mind, you take that moment to reflect on what you are about to do and the devistation it will create. This will give you the time to look at the situation truthfully and the see the reality of it all. Look inside yourself before you leap. You always have a choice, make sure a picture of your wife pops into your head whever you have the inkling of being unfaithful. Then run into your wifes arms where you know you belong and not in some strangers. Another thing, do you wish to open up the chance of an STD and putting a death sentence on your wifes head? It could happen no matter how careful you may be. Possible death of wife or momentary ego building? Hmmm. Seems a simple choice to me.
2007-10-06 05:30:26 · answer #3 · answered by pussycat 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Keep your wife in the forefront of your life. Do things like use her name, or nic-name or some other word or phrase that reminds her to you as your password on your computer, your bank account etc. Always keep your relationship fresh, and vital by doing things like date nights, where the kids are at grandma's, or with a sitter, and then it's just you and her. No the house needs painting, or junior needs new shoes. Just the two of you, being the two of you. Going places, and doing things that are important to just the two of you. Learn, (both of you) communication and conflict resolution skills so you can resolve your problems amicably, so there are no real fights.
Keep your sex life fresh and lively too. There is absolutely nothing wrong with either of you trying something new in the bedroom. You just need the trust in each other that you will be respected, and not degraded, and that whatever you try will be for the enjoyment of both of you.
Also keep some kind of item of hers with you, to keep her fresh in your memory. And change this item regularly so its importance remains fresh too.
Really you need to do the same things any successful marriage needs to do to remain vital and alive. You need to do the things necessary to keep your marital relationship vital, and in the forefront of your lives. You need to make it the bedrock you base the rest of your lives upon.
Good Luck, at least you're trying.
2007-10-06 05:54:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
when u get to know god, u won't want to sin, also what a man thinks so is he. surround yourself with people who have morals and remember god always gives us a way out of all temptations. we all have a choice, and just consider the alternatives, loosing your wife who u love very much. remember that all marriages have issues, and the one that stays in spite of circumstances, is the one who gains the most. cheating will never make things better, and won't relieve stress, it will just add to the stress. always try to talk it out, and be willing to compromise on all things. that someone else may be more of a problem than what u have, once u really get to know them.
2007-10-06 11:06:37 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well I was going to say counselling, but you are doing that already. You saw there was a problem and you are doing something about it. It seems to me like you are getting all the information you need from your counsellor. You dont want to cheat on your wife, thats why you are in therapy. You won't cheat on your wife if you keep this same train of thought going. You are already doing all the right things. Is your wife in counselling with you? If not, then it may be a good idea.
2007-10-06 05:29:56 · answer #6 · answered by rightio 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
One of the strategies is to put God first in your life. When you ask yourself will He be pleased with me if I did such and such? If the answer is no, then you know not to do it.
There is a couple named Jimmy and Karen Evans that has a marriage ministry. I have seen their shows on tv. You can see them on-line as well. They teach how to have a successful marriage. I have not bought any of their products, but from what I have heard Jimmy say, I highly recommend that you listen to the shows and buy their DVDs...There is one called Marriage on the Rocks. There may be others more suited to your situation, but I encourage you to check them out.
2007-10-06 05:43:20 · answer #7 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Does your wife fill everything with you? Is that why you cheated? Because if you had everything you wanted at home you wouldn't be cheating..................... Re-evaluate the bigger picture of what's really missing, and keep in mind often you can't tell a spouse what you need they have to know without words how to fill you! Then there wouldn't be anything open for discussion............. RE-EVALUATE with honest eyes the real picture of your marriage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-10-06 05:39:39 · answer #8 · answered by rita_hiemy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't focus on the bad advice you'll be getting.
First of all - don't tell your wife. Cheaters only tell their spouse when they want to get rid of their guilt or if they want to end the relationship.
You might have some type of sex addiction - so focus on some type of sexual anonymous group. Similar to AA groups - SA groups also focus on persons,places and things.
There are probably triggers that lead you to cheating - avoid them. If you get lonely or stressed or whatever else triggers your cheating - then seek help that instant - call a buddy, call the wife, go to church, etc.
Staying in therapy to talk it out also helps.
Good luck!
2007-10-06 05:46:22 · answer #9 · answered by KI557 2 · 2⤊ 3⤋
Sounds as if you are addicted to sex. If you think you are going to cheat again, I think you should be honest with your wife and yourself and get out of the marriage. When you cheat you hurt your whole family.
2007-10-06 05:37:08 · answer #10 · answered by Laura Z 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋