Help me with a baby problem!?

Question

I recently married and my husband and we were not using protection as we discussed we would let God decide. I was elated at that decision because we are both older, wiser and know what to do now. This was discussed prior to our marriage. I immediately got pregnant within one month of marriage but then had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago. On the way home from the hospital my husband was supportive but a few hours after it happened he told me that we need to plan the next one since we were just married. I was agreeable with that...I was so upset anyhow I was just happy he was supportive. Then later that evening we went for a ride together and he told me that a baby had never been in his plans and he doesn't want to have one. I was numb by this point. I mean, it had happened less than 24 hours when he told me this. I was confused and hurt and now my heart is broken. I am still recovering from my loss but he refuses to be intimate with me without protection. Help please someone...

Answer 1

Dont you think he feels a sense of loss too? He lost his baby too....it wasnt just you. I know you would be feeling hurt and confused, but I think he is feeling the same way. Give him some time. Losing the baby may have upset him more than you think. Maybe he is just reacting from this sense of loss. Maybe he doesnt want to go through the same thing again. Maybe, in short, he is just afraid that you will get pregnant again and he will have to go through the pain of loss again. Talk to him about how he felt about losing the baby, because maybe the pain he felt has something to do with him saying he doesnt want children.

Answer 2

I'm not one to say that people should just give up and get a divorce(unless there is abuse or adultury involved). I think that when a couple gets married, they owe it to themselves, and to God, to do their best to work things out.

I can understand why you would be so hurt and upset over what your husband told you, not to mention.. his timing in telling you was terrible (having just lost a baby). He owed it to you, and himself.. to tell you that before you got married, not after.

It would be one thing if you hadn't discussed it, but you did, and you made a mutual decision to not use protection or anything, and to leave it in God's hands. So, what changed his mind?? Has he given you any sort of explanation??

You say you are both "older".. Do you think there is a possibility that he could have thought that there wasn't a chance you'd get pregnant?? I'm not sure how old you are, but if you're past middle age, I could kinda understand why he may have thought (even if he doesn't say it) that you wouldn't get pregnant anyway. Which leads me to wonder..

When you told him you were pregnant, did he seem excited, or suprised? And then when you miscarried, how did he seem to react. Sure, people handle things like that in different ways, but I would think that if he was excited about having a baby, he would be at least a little torn up about it..

The fact that he told you so soon after, that he didn't want children.. really worries me. I mean, if you do want to have children, and he stands by his decision.. that could cause some serious problems and resentment between you.

You need to have a very long and serious talk with him, once enough time passes.. about what each of you really want.

I'm so sorry for your loss. *hugs*

Take care.

Answer 3

How old both of you are? Since you recently had a miscarriage, it is better to delay pregnancy for some time. What was the reason for the miscarriage? Have you got yourself medically examined? Is divorcing him solves your problem? What guarantee is there the other man will be different than this one? It is easy to break a marriage but very difficult to mend one. If you love him. co-operate with him. Let the time heal the pain. Some times we should learn to count the blessings. What will happen to you and the child if he start behaving indifferent after a child birth? Better do not go for a child right now. You will have more time to understand him. It is possible that after some time he may change and agree to have a child.

Answer 4

I'm sry...

Honey he's most likely scared... Men deal w/ it in their own ways more then likely he's hurting just as much as u and doesn't know how to cope w/ it, his pain can be so bad that he figures if u 2 just don't have a child he won't have to endure this pain again if u were to miscarry again... Give him time to get past this miscarriage and his mind will most likely change right now he's just hurting.

I wish u all the luck in the world

Answer 5

Maybe the other people are correct but maybe he was just trying to ease the lose of the baby on you and as for not having sex without a condom maybe he just doesn't want to take the chance again so soon.Like you said it has only been a short time.Give it some time.You know he is hurting as well.Good luck and I'm sorry for your loss.

Answer 6

Need more in for info.Man have feelings about lose of a child. It may just take some time for him to come around. Seeing you two have just married it might be best to weight a little. Taking on a child is a very hard thing to do.Just take time. but be careful that you do not weight to long If you really what a child and dose not you may have to let him go. Some man say they do not what a child but when one comes in to there life it changes them. Be careful not to be to fast at this.

Answer 7

well, as someone who had a baby less than a year after marriage i have to say it is better to wait. you guys need to enjoy being married before dealing with the stress a new baby can bring. however, i don't understand why your husband would say he doesn't want kids now. unless, of course, this miscarriage has really scared him. he doesn't sound too supportive or caring of your feelings, i can only assume he has in fact been torn up with grief. give him time, and take some for yourself, then bring up the subject of kids. ask him what has changed his mind.

Answer 8

I know you are going thru alot with the mis-carriage, but you have to understand the way he is acting around you is his way of dealing with it. The reason he says he doesn't want one is because he is hurt too, you wrote about how you would let God decide, and maybe your husband feels God doesn't think he is worthy. I know you hurt I just thought you ought to think about how he might be feeling, he hurts too and guys have a harder time at expressing this.

You two need to hold each other and talk.

Answer 9

first off , your husband lied to you about wanting children, second if you had children would he be involved in raising them, would he be resentful towards them and mean, second he should be more supportive of you during your horrible ordeal, he should have held his emotions in check, he is not acting as if he cares for you , either you lay down the law with what you want and why and discuss why he has changed his mind about children or if he just lied to you or you divorce him or an annulment , if he cant be kind and caring after the death of your baby then i seriously doubt hes mature enough to be a good parent. good luck honey so sorry for your loss and uncaring hubby. God Bless

Answer 10

that's pretty inconsiderate of him to change his mind on you. if it's a baby you really want, then get pregnant. because if you are older, what are the chances of leaving him and finding another in time to have a baby? if he's able to change his mind on you without caring how that makes you feel, then you can go ahead and get pregnant because it's what you want. tell him you'll go on the pill for a while but in a few months would he consider trying to get pregnant again? but all the while, don't be taking the pill. get pregnant, and decide that it was an accident. that's if you really want a baby. you have to decide.