Good morning my love
I missed you through the night
But the dreams I had of us
Made things seem just right
Last night before i slept
I had a tear in my eye
This morning when i awoke
I had a tear on my cheek
Good morning my love,
I hope you are alright
You seem so far away
But i know we woke with the same morning light
The tears in my eyes
where not from depression
but from the fear of comitment
The tears on my cheeks
where not from sorrow or loss
But from the joy of contentment
Can you see now, my darling,
You are my love,
You are my joy,
you are the inspiration for each future breath i take,
you are the sunshine that wakes me in the morning
Can you tell, my darling, my love, my joy
Im despretly in love with you
please tell me what you think of this peom and if i need to change stuff in it
2007-10-06 04:33:00 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
What is it with people and rhyming?? I don't get what people like about it so much... Anyhow, it was alright but if your going to make the choice of rhyming, rhyme all the way through.
You didn't rhyme the 2nd stanza, the 4th 1 was a bit off, and the end... Honestly I think it just fell apart... It feels like you rushed the ending a bit; just threw that together out of frustration, maybe. And it's never good to see that in poetry. Or any writing for that matter.
I honestly think you could do well in free-verse poetry, which is poetry without rhymes. Because you really have a good feel for it, I think. I mean in my opinion, the 2 stanzas without rhymes were put together so much better than the 1's with. And I'm not just saying that 'cause I'm not a fan of rhymes...
Also, the end kind of falls through. I'm waiting for a little something more to it, but you didn't give me that. I think this just needs a little more thoughts put into it. And instead of rhyming, try just telling your feelings in a poetic manner.
I know that might not make all too much sense to you now, but I'm sure you'll get it. And if you do need anymore help, I'll be happy to give. You can message me if you want.
Luck in life.
2007-10-06 07:08:10 · answer #1 · answered by Twili 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The opening line jumps out beautifully. The poem itself seems to be a doorway into your heart. Just watch your spelling a bit more. Content and structure are fabulous. I'd love to see more from you.
2007-10-06 04:41:49 · answer #2 · answered by Semp-listic! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I think this poem has something about it. It seems very deep and whoever made put a lot of thought into it. I always try to make poems but they never rythm. LOL
Hope I helped!
2007-10-06 04:36:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it, but I think you need to clean up the rhythm. Each rhyming line should have roughly the same amount of syllables.
Keep going, and good luck!
2007-10-06 04:36:57 · answer #4 · answered by DeltaKilo3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great poem, great content. What will triumph, the fear of commitment or the inspiration for each future breath you take?
2007-10-06 04:39:00 · answer #5 · answered by soulguy85 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's beautiful. But make it a little more rhyming. Good luck! I'm sure your in love <3
2007-10-06 04:38:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its a very nice poem
i wish someone would write something like that about me sometime
that fear of commitment thing seems like a serious problem
don't let it stop you from living life
2007-10-06 04:37:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good but you have some few grammatical mistakes. I will give 8 if I were to rate it.
2007-10-06 04:37:25 · answer #8 · answered by chappychain18 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it it's nice but it doesnt rhyme too well in the ending. Its alright though. Good Job!
2007-10-06 04:36:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it, bring tears to my eyes it's very beautiful
2007-10-06 04:38:21 · answer #10 · answered by You're Not a wombat 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋