Okay my husband and I just got married last June and since then its been very rocky...We are both very young.. I am 20 and he is 24 and his step father killed himself last Nov. his mother has been heavily on drugs before his step father killed himself but she got even worse after his death... She was on crack and cocaine... shes made my life a living hell... Shes in rehab right now and we are stuck raising her 15 year old son... We just bought a house together and I pictured this little fairy tale like everyone does... But the little brother is so bad... he curses us out and he seems to have so much anger inside... I try to set the punishment for him to actually learn and husband never follows through with the punishment... Mother in law always needs something from us... we had to move all of her stuff into our house and its full of her stuff and I am scared shes going to try to move in once she gets out... Husband keeps telling me shes not... I live in fear and I am tired of dealing..
2007-10-06 04:11:24 · 20 answers · asked by JessieA 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
with all of this... its so stressfull... we have more problems... but mostley with his mother... I know shes going to try to move in because she has no where else to go.... I feel bad for her in a way... but she makes my life so stressful and so does her son... I am trying to stay strong... but I just dont know if this is all worth it!!! Hes unromantic... hes a sex addict which I guess its a good thing he always wants sex from me... But I am living in fear and I do not feel comfortable living in my own house... Should I stick around for all of this... Is it really worth it?
2007-10-06 04:15:35 · update #1
Jessie, in every relationship there are those who are intelligent and those who are wise. You obviously are the one who leans toward the wisdom side! Right now you need to be the one who is heard! True your hubby may be able to veto any input, but, you deserve to voice that input! And if he has even a small spec of wisdom he will bow to your logic.
You need to put the house up for sale, send junior to a foster home, and get the %@$#& out of Dodge! Family is a very needed ingredient in a positive, growing, mature relationship. But, not when it is this screwed up. It's time to stop being the saviors of a bunch of relatives who don't want to be saved. To tell you the truth you may be able to make it with the 15 y/o but only if you set up a contract with him, and he understands that one more screwup equals a immediate insertion into foster care. But, really it's time to run! If hubby says no, and you are doomed for a difficult life, if you have no kids of your own, you do have the divorce card to play. It's not a good card, but, it is there, and you can use it to bluff with!
2007-10-06 04:43:32 · answer #1 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a lot to handle at your age . It's also a lot to handle for the 15 yr. old . A boy 5 years younger than you is going to resent your punishing him . He has been thru hell apparently , and I'm not sure he is feeling loved or wanted . .just as you may not be feeling those things - due to the fact that your story-book life didn't happen that way . I would first put mommy dearest's stuff in storage & give her the key - and the bill . Try and realize the boy didn't ask for this either ; but you should not be disrespected in your own home . Any disciple needs to come from your husband - not you . If that doesn't happen - seriously talk about finding an older relative for the boy . In the meantime - be sure that your mother-in-law does not darken your door . It's your house and you can say no to a druggie . Get a restraining order if you have to , or your husband won't be able to turn her away ; since he can't handle a 15 year old either .
2007-10-06 11:38:13 · answer #2 · answered by missmayzie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the family is the problem and not the husband, granted he should back you if you hand out a punishment, I suggest getting the 15 year old into some counseling, I am sure he is dealing with a lot and this is his way of doing so. You and your husband need to talk about what is acceptable behavior and what is not and then have a talk with the 15 year old and tell him what is expected of him, you also need to come into agreement on what is acceptable punishment if the teen brakes the rules that are set forth by you both and let him know there will be consequences for his actions. I also suggest moving the mother in laws things into storage .
2007-10-06 11:28:09 · answer #3 · answered by Celtickarma 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most relationships hit a rocky point at some time. You have to think if you can deal with this long term. You knew that your mother in law was on drugs before you married your husband. And I am sure you knew your brother in law was not a saint either. Think about your husband. Do you love him? If you love your husband, then you should stick by him during these rough times. Please remember, this is a rough time for him as well. You cannot run everytime life gets tough. But if you honestly believe that the rest of your life will be in this way, and nothing will ever change, then you have much to consider. I wish you the best.
2007-10-06 11:33:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's a lot to have to deal with being newlyweds. Obviously the little brother has anger issues and of course he's going to have serious behaviour problems, I suggest seeing if you can get him into some kind of anger management class and some counselling to help him deal with all of this. To have a mother on drugs in rehab, a father who killed himself and now having to live with his brother and wife, that is a lot for him to deal with. He's hurting and lashing out.
As for the mother-in-laws stuff, find a storage facility and get it all out of there and store it. I'm sure it's taking up room and if your scared she might try moving in, she can't if it's all in storage and that would send a good message to her to not even think about it.
You also need to talk to your husband about his brother, tell him how you feel and tell him that you need his support if this is all going to work out.
Sorry your having to go through all of this, remember, what doesn't break you makes you stronger. Good luck. Hugs!
2007-10-06 11:54:18 · answer #5 · answered by Perkymo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh babe, I'm sorry!
Yeah, sure enough, you shouldn't have to deal with that when you two just got into your new married life and new house.
Now, when I do understand your fear about the mother and would even advise you to be firm as she is definitely NOT moving into your house, you can't ask your husband to dump his little brother.
It is unfortunately one of those things that is going to try your commitment to each other.
Yes, he needs clear rules, on what is acceptable or not in your house, and he needs to respect you.
But it's a tough situation. He's hurting.
I think you should call social services to help you cope.
But don't ask your husband to get rid of his brother. It'd be wrong and it'd eventually ruin your relationship.
As for the woman, no way. She stays OUT! and her stuff should go to a rent block or something. Leave them in the garage in the meantime and if they need to be binned then so be it!
2007-10-06 11:27:37 · answer #6 · answered by Kc 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well Jessica it seems like you are going threw a rough time right now...And your husband knows you are under a lot right now..With having to look after the brother and take his moms stuff in....Sounds like the boy could use some counseling for his anger...He is going threw alto right now also..I would say at this time in your marriage your husband needs you more than ever...Just be there for him no matter how tough it gets..For better or worse...this is worse..Stick in there Hun...It will work out in time..Than things will be better...Your husband needs your support now...
2007-10-06 11:17:33 · answer #7 · answered by getagrip 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All this happened after you said I do? I'm sure that this was all a problem before you got married. You need to lay down the law, tell him that you don't want this responsibility any longer. Tell him that his brother is going to have to move out if he doesn't shape up. Put your foot down you are too young and you're not giving your marriage a chance to work with all these issues. Tell him mom that you are going to put her stuff in storage for 6 months and after that it's her responsibility to take care of it afterwards.
2007-10-06 11:16:47 · answer #8 · answered by Lisa D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriages are not always good, there are always rocky parts. Something very tragic happened and it's affecting all of you. I think you and your husband should go to counseling to help you deal with everything, including trying to raise his brother. Nobody says marriage is easy and I think you should stick it out and help your husband through it.
2007-10-06 12:12:27 · answer #9 · answered by wannabhppy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its really hard to say. I lived with my boyfriend and his family for 2yrs. That's probably the worse 2yrs of my life. I can understand how you do not want your mother in law living with you. As for the boy, you have to set up rules and boundaries and you HAVE to follow through. If he is still in school I would talk to the school consular or the school shrink. They might be able to help him out.
2007-10-06 11:28:24 · answer #10 · answered by cyndi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋