quick poem, tell me what you think! good parts/bad parts...what should i do to improve it?

Question

there's nothing the sky is less sure of than it's color
i've become familiar with a mask of blue
but have you ever looked beneath it
to see the lightning
have you ever listened closely
to hear the thunder
that's roaring out for you

there's nothing the earth is less sure of than it's strength
yet i trust it when i can't trust myself
but if you fell in a hole
could you make it out on your own
or would you need me there to help you

there's nothing i'm less sure of than myself
can i be there for you when i'm not here for myself
don't you know i've seen through your sky
passed your mask of blue
we're in the same gray storm
and i'll be here for you

Answer 1

I like the parallelism from sky to earth to myself:

there's nothing the ..... is less sure of than. . . .

I could reconsider: all instances of YOU and make parallel evaluations.
For example:
i've become familiar with a mask of blue
but have you ever looked beneath it

does not parallel:

yet i trust it when i can't trust myself
but if you fell in a hole

does not even link remotely to:
can i be there for you when i'm not here for myself
don't you know i've seen through your sky

Hence, stylistically incoherent and semantically abhorrent.
Try to work on those to improve it.

good luck

Answer 2

I like the ideas in the first 2 stanzas. Can you shape them some more? Can I talk you into punctuation and capitalization? Making the effort to do that should help organize the poem automatically.
The 3rd stanza seems like a very sweet letter to a loved one, not a poem. In this format, it isn't necessary to be so forthright with your feelings. That's what the metaphors of unsure sky and earth are for, right? I would even prefer it if the 2nd stanza was less personal, as in "would you need help to get out?"

Answer 3

pretty good, i like the ending. The falling in a whole part i dont really like and i think it could flow a little tiny bit better if you can. But i do like it honestly, just wanted to give you an honest critque.

Answer 4

I usually have such horrible things to say about other people poetry on this site that I refrain from any comment.

Not this time. Very well done. I actually read the whole thing.