Can't adjust with the "after honeymoon"?

Question

Me and my faince' r so in love and been engaged for a very long time (but we were in two different countries so the engagement was mostly phone calls and internet)

Problem is .. the "honeymoon" sweet talks , beautiful feelings, calling each other sweet names, romantic stuff .. etc .. are disappearing one by one and it's time to be logic and serious and plan a life together .. I just can't get over it .. i feel i still want more "honeymoon" days .. sometimes i try to bring them back but it seems to be when it's over .. IT'S OVER and it's time to get real

I did talk to him and told him that i miss those days and had a long conversation but as a conclusion his reply was simply "u know i love u"

I dont wanna keep talking to him about it cuz i dont want to sound like an immature girl who still wants to live her fairytale .. or am i ?

Help .. how did u get over the fact that the "honeymoon" period is over ??

Yeah u can say things that's up to me to stop the honeymoon period from being over but i'm tired of trying by myself and i get no respond from him ..
it's like when u keep sweet talking to him and calling him sweet names and u get a serios respond and he calls u with nothing but ur name

Answer 1

If you want it to keep up, you have to keep it up. Every day call and talk to him without a reason, just for a minute, and hang up. Brush up against him provocatively, look him in the eye, smile, and walk away. Rub his shoulders, give him a little kiss, and walk away. Tell him you love him, in those words, yes, but in every little thing you do. Keep doing interesting things in your life and talk about them with him. Mature love is different from the "falling in love" childish time.

Answer 2

I've been married for 28 years. Yeah, the "honeymoon" period has been over for awhile now, but we have something so much deeper and better. We don't always whisper "sweet nothings" to each other, but we can communicate so much more with a look or phrases that have meaning only to us.

Just don't let the 'logic' and serious stuff get in the way of being silly and romantic sometimes. One year when our 2 children were small, and both of us were very busy with our jobs, we decided not to go out on Valentine's Day, which was in the middle of the week that year. Very logical, mature decision. But my nose-to-the-grindstone husband took time off to order a special pizza for me...that said "I love you" in pepperoni slices! Corny, yes, but to me it was more romantic than jewelry or flowers, because it came from his heart.

Sorry this is so long...hope it helps!

Answer 3

The "honeymoon" doesn't have to end. In fact in long lasting marriages you'd find that part of the reason they've lasted so long is because both partners continue to tell eachother that they love one another and 'sweet talk'. It's part of the 'work' that it takes to keep a marriage together and it's honestly not a burden.

Answer 4

it's only over if you make it over

but as you grow older and have kids, you will resent him more and more because you will think he does nothing to contribute to the family and house. you will whine and complain that he does not do dishes, or help with the kids..

but you will not realize that he works 8 to 10 hours per day to make money to support you guyz and you will eventually start menopause and file for divorce because your estrogen has thinned out and testosterone levels have raised and you become more manly, growing facial hairs and feel more independent and figure you can do it without a husband because all these years you've been doing it yourself...

lol
i just described the typical family setting. happened to me and everyone i know.

Answer 5

Marriage has many levels, you just have to be open to experience them all. Continue calling him the sweet names and never change the good things you enjoy.

Answer 6

i am glad you brought this up

as part of any long term relationship is the beginning,

and is identified it as the honeymoon phase, it is here where couples can succeed of fail once they get past this stage, as the honeymoon phase is where the close bonding starts, but it is not what keeps a couple together, the honeymoon phase is in itself unrealistic and selfish, both parties will put their best foot forward in order to attract and impress the other to hopefully keep them, demands are also made on each other, with the women making emotional ones and the man physical ones, the women usually wants reassurance and this can drive a man way from the constant need for it, flaws are overlooked and long term planning is not done here, emphasis is made on both partner trying to secure themselves with each other ( or it being one sided and is why you see bad matches often as one does to want to be there and the other want desperately to hold on )

the next phase is called the realistic phase, and as you note that where the life planning begins, that where reality sets in and you realize what you are in for long term, it here where the nuts and bolts of a marriage is all ( hopefully ) pieced together, the next and lasting stage ( should you make it there ) is th mature stage, at this stage real love has formed and reassurance that both partners are not needed as much since a commitment has been established and both partners know their roles and what is expected of them. by this time the flaws in both parties become visible and that when the hard decision making comes in, how much do you tolerate from the other? it's here where the couple will fight as each fight for placement, in hopefully securing the ideal values as one is lost of won in the "adjustment" fights, but it's here where most people fail, part of it is they want the honeymoon feel and fail t o plan, so they hang on too long to the honeymoon ideals ( which are unrealistic and unsustainable ), it is here where guys come the self realization that they may not like such behaviors from women long term and will leave if they have any sort of backbone in them, men here will focus on money issues and long term financial security, women will not, but will want long term reassurances that she will be taken care of and wanted and desired, these adjustment fights can lead to the end of a relationship, but sometimes despite this people will get married, while still adjusting, and tis is why the high divorce rate comes in, as in people still adjust, are still unrealistic, have not fully realized marriage and thus after the marriage still fight and adjust for values and realism has still not set in, one party ( usually the women ) is in part honeymoon part realistic adjustment / fighting mode, and the other is not, eventually the conflicts become too much and divorce is inevitable ( as it should be ), some leave the relationship blaming the other without focusing on themselves and their faults, and the go back and repeat the cycle with the next relationship only to fail yet again ( and then wonder why it happens to them )

the least stage ( should you make it this far ) is the mature phase
this stage is where both parties are comfortable with their roles in the relationship ( note i did not say marriage as it is on the decline as men are not seeing the benefit of marriage as they used to, part of that is due to the high divorce rates and the high number of women who never mature ), there is long term comfort and peace has been achieved since both parties know of the commitment to each other, the adjustments have long been made, faults accepted on each other, financial planning has long been set in, long term goals are being met, and reassurances, though given out, are not needed as much since both parties know the love is there and are secure with it, this state is the hardest to achieve since it requires much work on both sides, and young couples not knowing much of any long term married couples have no role models to see how it's done, will rarely see this stage, this is why you can scan the personal adds and see women and men in the 40's and 50's divorced and single looking to find a new partner all over again, and with it comes the fears of what they will have to "settle" for since all the prime picks in the opposite sex have long been taken, they know because of their poor choices early on in life it has led them to their current state of dating others much like them who have wasted time in bad relationship and now must either learn the art of compromise and adjustment or be alone for the remainder of their life