Help! Im having a baby!?

Question

Im 26yrs old. Been with my very supportive partner for 8yrs. We're engaged to be married in 12mths. We own our home, I have a successful home based business, great family & friends. Life is actually pretty good. We have just recently found out that we are expecting a baby & this has just totally knocked me for 6! Im having a really hard time getting my head around it all. Everyone keeps telling me I'll be fine, maybe it was just meant to be. I've heard it once I've heard it a thousand times. But Im just not ready for a baby. Im really not ready to be a mum. Im having a hard time lifting my spirits & Im finding its really getting me down. I dont know how to move past this stage.

I dont want to get rid of this baby. No way. Im wondering how to get my mind in a place that can start to accept this. Whether a person is 16, 26 or 36 if it is something that was not planned its hard to get the mind around it.

Answer 1

You seem like you are really in love with your partner. Think about if you would actually have had children with him someday. Theres many options, adoption, even abortion, but that isn't up to me. Follow your heart, I'm sure you'll make a great mommy. Youv'e got nine whole months to think it through!! You could even get married before the baby is born, and it might make things clearer for you. Good luck for the future, Best wishes.

Answer 2

It sounds like you have everything it takes to be a mum except for the feelings of joy.

You had your life going so well that this was probably a shock and so you will need some time to appreciate it for what it is.

Prepare yourself and you will feel less anxious. Go shopping and buy those items that are necessary for a baby. Think about how you want the nursery to look and start on it. Look at all the baby sites on the web and all of those beautiful babies. Reflect on how beautiful your baby will look with you and your partner. Those ultrasounds that you will get will help you to see how real this is and believe me when I say that no one is ever really prepared for a baby.

I've been through 4 children. I would suggest you go a lot slower than that and perhaps limit it to just the one or two. It's really a bit overwhelming to have more.

Make sure you have plenty of support for those first several days since you are feeling down about this right now. You will probably be so exhausted at first so if you have other relatives who you can call if you need to it would do you and your partner a world of good to have a moment or two to rest and relax.

You might not be able to get past this immediately but just as you are successful in your home business and your family life you sound like you are meant to be successful at anything you do. So cheer up. The preparation should take most of the worrying away.

Answer 3

ok, i'm a guy, but we have two kids, which were planned. however, your question did get me thinking to when we were expecting our first. Before I get into that, shame on those who slammed you for not using birth control. You are already now past that point and some of those harsh answers do not help answer your question / problem. Move past that and focus on the future now that that choice has already been made the only thing that can be done now is learn from your experience.

first off, on the bright side, it sounds like aside from bringing a new life into the world, you are off to a better start than many people are. My wife and I waited a few years to have kids- late 20's / early 30's. Many people get married and start families soon after high school- when they have little or no money. So it sounds like you are better financially prepared than most.

There was a time in my life when I thought having kids wasn't something I wanted to do. However, after my nephew was born I kinda came around on that issue.

Ok, obviously, being a guy, I don't know all the emotions that women go through when pregnant, esp if the pregnancy wasn't planned. However, I *DO* remember that my wife would always get excited anytime we would be out shopping- she couldn't resist stopping in the kids clothing stores / departments.

Maybe you should try to find out what gender the baby will be- so you can start picturing your baby boy or girl in your mind and looking at baby clothes to make it a reality. Btw, my wife always thought they had tons of selection of baby girls clothes, but thought the selection of boys clothes were always kind of ordinary and generic (but not all).

See your Dr. and get scheduled for an ultrasound Just wait until you have your first ultrasound! That was what got me really excited with our first- seeing the peanut-sized little person inside my wife, with a tiny heart that you could see beating away 120? times per minute and also hearing that heartbeat. that was a big WOW for me the first time, maybe that will have the same effect on you also.

There are so many "firsts" to enjoy. The best is when you can make your baby laugh for the first time. Our daughter is 4 1/2 now, which has been a fun age. I like going to breakfast, just her and I sometimes. Our son is 2 and is extremely ornery. Hearing him laugh and watching him begin to imitate us is fun too. Just this morning, my wife snapped a picture of he and I- I laid down on the floor with my head propped up on my hands and arms, and he laid down beside me, the exact same way.

Anyhow, the reason I'm blubbering on about our kids is just to let you know how much you will enjoy yours- and this comes from someone who never pictured themselves as a parent type either.

I wish you the best!

Answer 4

First, get some counseling. You have some deep rooted fears. Maybe it's fears of aging, or growing up, or being responsible- whatever the case might be, it's definately effected a very instinctual nature of being a woman. Men are typically the ones with this fear because of the immense responsibility they were accounted to in society. Now, with femminism instituting the idea that women should be able to carry on without the need for a man, has created a huge social wrinkle in the role of motherhood.
I hope that you understand that if women were meant to raise children alone, men wouldn't exist.

Relax, you are the Queen of this new kingdom and you will be waited on, too good to labor for anything less than the future heir of your kingdom.
(yes, you must feel it's your RIGHT to have all details taken care of while you enjoy your new baby doll)

I was pretty young when I had my first, and I thought of it as getting a baby doll that does it all! It wets, it crys, it eats and I get to even make the milk! I was 19, but I guess I just always liked baby dolls.

Answer 5

If you feel that you are not ready, then you most likely are not. Having a baby changes your life in every way imagineable. Some ways good and some ways not so much.

My wife and I were in our 30's when we had our daughter, and I can't imagine my life without her. I mean that in a good way. I'll be honest, when I found out we were having a baby, my first thought was to run away from the whole thing, but I didn't.

Having said that, the decision is up to you and your partner. If you don't want to have this baby, I strongly urge you to consider giving it up for adoption. I don't agree with abortion, but that's a touchy subject. There are thousands of couples who would love to be in your situation (pregnant) and I feel that this is a good option. Again, this decision is up to you, but life is a very important gift.

Consider talking to a Psychiatrist or, if you are so inclined, a pastor or priest. Good luck in your decision.

Answer 6

First take a breather,if your not sitting down,sit down,and chill.
Second,from reading your question you were not wanting this child...I'm sure you want it,but in reality your just experiencing normal pressure,and also nervous wreck,my boyfriends sister was the same way,she just got her prego herself and had her child which was a baby girl,beautiful and all.Doing wonderfully job as a mother.I'm very sure you'd be perfect,you seem like a smart woman,who would be just fine.Thirdly,if you got this great business your saying and a wonderful life,than don't fret you should be relaxed.You got yourself a wonderful man,be glad,don't forget to look around you and open your eyes to what you have because once you forget you lose the most prize possesions that you'd get deadly hurt for.So please just relaxed,you'll be a good mother.

Answer 7

Life happens even when you think your not ready for it. No life plans should be in concrete.. just paper with a large eraser available to change it.
I would advise you get your head around it.. put aside your self centered ideas of what perfect time it would be to have a child and concentrate on the life growing within you.. it was created out of the love you have for your partner of 8 years.
For the first 7 months though you might have to have doctor visits your life will continue on normally, you might want to push the wedding date earlier.. or a couple of months after you have given birth.

Answer 8

hi, take time to clear your thoughts.talk to your husband about this.how does he feel?there are so many things to think about before you make any hasty decisions.there are some women who are not maternal.not saying you are but a child is a gift,there is a reason why this is happening to you.i had a child at 17 ,hes almost 24 now,my mom tryd her best to make me have a abortion,but i wouldnt hear of it,now i have 2 grandchildren,im 41,theres nothing like the love of a child,they love you unconditonally. if you feel that you will resent this child or just simply cant feel love for this child then maybe you should consider adoption,give someone a chance to love this child . yes your life is going to change,but you dont have to stop living just because your having a baby.my thoughts are with you,take care

Answer 9

I felt this way 2 years ago and made a huge mistake. I had an abortion because I was not ready to to turn my life over to my child. Man, abortions suck! You feel so crappy afterwards, and you will never be able to forget that you killed your own child....especially after you finally do give birth to one.

I am not trying to tell you what to do, just telling you to weigh your options and think of the possible outcomes of the situation.
I wish I had thought things out more thoroughly than I did.
Good luck either way!

Answer 10

You have sex dont you? Did you think some how you are above science, above nature, above probability?

No matter how careful you are eventually having sex WILL result in a baby. How dare you act like some how you never thought of this happening, and equally how dare you not come to terms with it before pleasuring yourself.

This sounds harsh, and mean, and all, but some times you need a good slap in the face to get yourself together.

You cant make choices and then pretend there are no consequences, and you also cant make babies and punish them for it.

Get yourself together, having a baby is the single greatest thing ever. Yeah it changes every single aspect of your life, but its a good change. Its hard, its exhausting, but nothing else in life will ever be as rewarding.

You DECIDE to be ready for a baby, its not something that magically happens because you reached a certain point in time. You DECIDE that you're going to live for and love that baby more than yourself and anyone else. Its a CHOICE. you DECIDE to be grown up and enter into a new phase of life.

Its a shame that you are so wrapped up in your own reserves and desires that you cant even touch the excitment of your love having created a beautiful perfect human being who will make you and your furture husbands life whole.

You're 26, not 18, you're more than grown, and you ought to have considered where your love and life might take you long before setting out on this trail.

Pull yourself up by your boot straps and MAKE yourself realize this is excellent. This is wonderful, this is everything YOU WANT IT TO BE. and nothing more, nothing less. If you want it to lift your spirits and to be the best thing that ever happened, and to live happily ever after you WILL.

However, if you want it to be the thing that ruined you life, and made your world intolerable and threw you into a pit of depression, if you keep going on like you are, it certainly will be. And you will be just another mother who screwed up their kid because she was too self absorbed to live beyond herself.

Wake up.

Decide to love that baby, decide its the best thing ever, and then do it. You'll be the best mom there ever was, you'll love every minute of it. YOu'll strive tirelessly to do all you can for that perfect little person. Those tiny little hands, those big eyes and fat feet. Its perfect, and you need to see it that way.