My wife doesnt like me looking at porn on internet and we have discussions, not rows, about it?

Question

I said I wouldnt do it any more but I still do and just delete the history.If she asks me which she does sometmes I just say I dont do it but I'm lying. We have a really good sex life and I love her. I'm 48. Am I doing wrong?

Answer 1

My partner and I have had these very "discussions". He agreed not to, and did the same as you, but I was able to establish that he was still looking.
I can't speak from your wife's point of view, but I can speak from my own, and all I know is that porn makes me feel unattractive and inadequate, it also offends me a little bit as well. I do not like the idea of my partner encouraging the sex trade in the world and also helping in the exploitation of women. I feel that an man looking at porn is degrading and disrespectful to women. Porn star or not, these women are someones children, someones mother, someones sister. Porn is too easy for men. Sexuality without intimacy or effort. How would you feel if you came across a picture of a woman you know? Your daughter? Or perhaps even your wife? Still the same? Still having fun?
If you looking at porn is causing problems in your relationship then you need to knock it on the head. Your love for your wife must surely be stronger than your desire to look at other naked women instead of her. And that is the way that she probably sees it, that you are choosing these women on a computer screen over her. Not good for the self esteem. My partner went to counselling to sort out his issues with porn and he was able to discover how much damage he was doing to us and what his motivation was. Have some respect for your partner and give the teenage habits away.

Answer 2

You are lying to your wife, So yes you are wrong. Why do you need to look at porn, isn't your wife pretty enough for you, or is this an addiction that you need help breaking? Oh by the way, you can delete your history all you want , but it is still on your hard drive, and most likley you'll be hit with a virus, then the truth will come out. Point is you need help, if you have to lie about what you are doing, then you know it's wrong, and this is going to cause you some major problems , it's now up to you to get the help that's needed.

Answer 3

You have to weigh out doing the right thing versus being honest. If being honest is more harmful than lying on this matter, skip telling her.

It worries me that you are not able to be open, honest and open with her without feeling worried of the consequences. If you explain why you look at porn and have a great relationship, she should be okay.

Many times wives get upset with porn not because of the porn but because they feel insecure, unimportant, unwanted, etc. She may need some romance, love and intimacy with you. Try talking it out to see what the real issue. People talk about topics, when really there is an important issue behind it that is much more important.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Lying = wrong answer.

Porn is porn. It wouldn't be a multi-billion dollar business if it did not appeal to a fairly large part of the population. Unless your telling me that all the porn viewers are in the top 5% for income earned. In that case I would have to start watching more. If you love her, talk to her. There has to be a better option then lying. Hate to say it, but I would go the route of giving porn up first before resorting to lying and continously covering my tracks.

Answer 5

Yes you are doing wrong. You are lying to your wife, betraying her trust. This does not make for a good marriage. And she's going to be hurt pretty badly. You are also doing something that she quite rightly does not want you to do, because she cares about you and wants to keep you as her husband. If you really love her as you say, then try and think from her perspective. Isnt she more important than the porn? If you continue with the porn, you might want to consider if you have an addiction to it. You may need help before matters get worse and you wreck your marriage.

Answer 6

Just how long are you on the internet looking at porn? The bad thing about it is reality just can't compete with porn. Sometimes instead of adding some spice to your sex life, you start to want to watch it more instead of actually being with your partner. Why lie about it? do you feel guilty? Maybe you are spending too much time watching it on the internet that even you are ashamed to admit it.

Cut back and get back into a "real" sex life with your partner

Answer 7

You are doing wrong by your wife. Is porn so important to you, that you're willing to put your relationship and possibly your marriage in the gutter for it?
Put this into perspective. These are women, that you are never going to meet, that don't care about you, could care less if you live or die, but you would rather sneak a peek at them instead of honoring a request you agreed to do for your wife? The woman that does love you?


Deleting your history, isn't a fail safe method of safe porn viewing. There's other ways to check, and if she ever really wanted to know, she could go to any best buy or talk to a person that knows something about computers, to find out how to do it, if she doesn't already know........

Answer 8

At 48, I am sure that you know right from wrong by now. So, is lieing right or wrong?.....especially to the one you love? I sure hope you can answer that question. If you have that kind of a problem with it, then you might want to try to get help. Come clean with your wife about you watching it, and then ask her if she would support you in getting help so that you can stop watching it, because this is what she deserves. You are not showing her respect by not respecting her feelings. A little tip: if she knows much about computers, she would know how to see that you have been looking at it on the net. With porn, there are added things to your comp, all of it is not in your history. You are going to have major problems with her if she finds it one day and sees all of them in a row. It would be much much better if you told her yourself than if she found out you were lieing like that! Another tip: Do not type anything on your comp. that you do not want anyone else to see. Every single thing typed is stored and can be retrieved if the person knows how to do it. Never trust technology. It is likely that she is asking bc she knows that you have been, and wants to see if you will lie to her about it. Lies can ruin a relationship very quickly. You should always be honest, even if it hurts her. If she is open minded enough to watch them with you, then do that and get it out of your system only by watching it with her. I am different than many, I do not care if my hubby watches porn or not....just as long as it is not on every time I walk through the room, or it does not interfere with what I want to watch on television. It would have to be confined to the bedroom.....especially since we have kids. As a matter of fact, that is what I bought my ex for his birthday one year. A full box of it. There was about 30 dvds in there. I do not find anything wrong with it as long as it is not interrupting daily life and it is not excessive, but many do have problems with it for many different reasons, and their feelings should be respected at all times. If you did not want her doing something, and she did it on a daily basis all while lieing to you about it, how would it make you feel? And I do not mean just her watching porn, I mean anything that you do not like her doing. You always have to put yourself in their shoes.

Answer 9

Yes, it is wrong. Because when you look at porn, she feels like you are almost cheating on her. She may feel like you are not satisfied with her and are looking on the internet to see women who you think are better looking than her. Besides, looking at porn on the internet only opens up doors to other things which can cause problems in marriages. Your minds starts to wonder and who knows what you will be doing next.

If you have a good marriage, I would shut the door on internet porn. You may thing that it is not doing any harm, but it can. That is how affairs and other things start. They first watch porn, then they start having flashbacks of what they saw, they start thinking about it more and more, next thing you know you might start looking at other women at work and thinking those thoughts. (who knows what might jump into your mind).

Marriages have a hard enough time trying to survive today. Don't bring porn into it. Shut the door on porn and open the door up to your marriage. (smile and be happy)

Answer 10

I could write a book about this but I wont. I will simply tell you that without bringing religion or morals..just simply talking about marriage...my advice is..

ask her while she feels the way she does. Is it because she feels insecure? Does she feel it's immoral? Is it again her religious belief? I am of the opinion that a good marriage is based on communication and a give and take.

I have been married 24 yrs...my husband and I have given up and compromised on things..simply out of love and respect. Communication and love...You said you love your wife...talk to her. The best to the 2 of you.