What was you reaction? (not a mccann question)?

Question

What was your reaction when a close family member passed away? and i mean close such as a parent or brother/sister.

did you cry and sob hysterically?

did you cry in private? but held a brave face for your family?

became closed off and withdrawn?

had denial? and acted as if nothing had happened.

and please answer seriously and honestly and no sick jokes

Answer 1

absolutely broken hearted and i still am and i probably always will be ,this wasn't a child btw ,but if it was one of my children i wouldn't be able to function at all , i would want to crawl up into a ball and die too ,you can't put on a brave face when you are grieving no matter how hard you try

Answer 2

I lost an Auntie earlier this year the last of my parental generation I cried (not hysterically) then almost at once had to go into hospital for 6 weeks now on oxygen to keep me ticking over, I feel very lonely even with my kids and grand-kids round me. I lost my brother some years ago shortly before I lost another auntie. My brother was 4 years younger than me. On top of all the grief inside I now feel so guilty that I am still here. I don't think the hurt ever really goes away.

Answer 3

When my Dad died I was 24 and I had 2 children aged 2 and 4 and I switched off no tears nothing the rest of my family were worried sick about me, I have 2 memories, the first standing in the church the night before the funeral just glaring at the coffin and the second when at the graveside the men lifting the ribbons to lower the coffin and I walked away I couldn't watch, I don't have no memories of anything even being in the car. Late on the night after the funeral and on my own, children in bed, I started to cry and didn't stop until the morning oh boy did it hit me then.

edit; bex I agree about the thumbs down, as a first I'm going to give everyone thumbs up.

Answer 4

I see lots of death in my working life and so I see how it affects other relatives in the immediate minutes/hours following their bereavement. As a nurse I too can share some of their grief at that moment, it is impossible not to get caught up in the pain of others.

I cried loads on the day of Princess Di's funeral, still not quite sure why that moved me so much except she was the same age as me with two young boys so I guess I was empathising again.

However, when coping with my own loss, apart from the funerals themselves (my father died in 1990 followed by my mother and a while after that my father-in-law), which I found hard, my grieving has been fairly quiet. I found I couldn't get over emotional for my dad because I think I wanted to be strong for my mum who was already unwell. My mum's death was more of a blessing and so my father-in-law's funeral was perhaps the hardest day as there I was trying to hold it together for my husband, our sons and my mother-in-law.

So in the end the death that made me sob like I never sobbed before was when I was present with my dog as she was put to sleep. I guess it was because it was me who stayed up with her the night before she was put down and me who held her while the vet gave the injection. I felt that although this was very much the right thing to do for her, it was almost a betrayal of her trust in me, taking her there and her no doubt expecting me to take her home again...

I guess the reason I was able to be so free with my grief for my dog was due to being alone. The vet had seen this a 1000 times and more I'm sure, but being left alone I was able to say goodbye in a way that I hadn't been able to do with my family.

I think this is very much part of my culture, the holding back, many other cultures I see as a nurse, are far more open, their ritual is to express their grief so that others know they are mourning.

Experience tells me that in reality there is no right or wrong way to grieve, some are quiet, some are noisy. Denial (usually) will be replaced with truth when the loss is recognised as being real. The mind can be very protective as can the rituals of arrangement that give us some time to stave off the reality of the death until, for many of us, the day of or after the actual funeral. Whilst books and groups can be very helpful it is worth remembering that we are individual and they are a guide in how we might feel or respond so not reacting as they say we should is not wrong.

It is 17yrs since my parents died, I now take pleasure in memories, little things still make me sad but they are not at the forefront of my life in a painful way, I don't feel the need to go to the cemetary regularly for me they have moved way beyond that. I raise a glass on high days and holidays, I see things, TV, items in the news, certain tracks of music that make me think of them and it is enough, they and I are at peace.

Kuta.

p.s. thanks for that question, sorry if the answer rambles. I think I just bared my soul a little.

Answer 5

When my dad died, he had been ill, and my mum and I quickly popped to the shops,and on our return, found he had died whilst we were out.

My Mum felt extremely guilty for not being there at the time of death, although she cared for him 24/7 around the clock, to the point that she wasn't sleeping herself at nights, and nobody could have been a better carer than my mum.

Immediately after we found Dad, I started acting on auto pilot, I had to be strong for Mum who was in shock, some how or other in a matter of hours, I had called an ambulance, called the GP to issue the death certificate, arranged for the undertakers to collect dad, phoned round the friends and family to inform them, and had even arranged the funeral for the following Friday. How I did that, I'll never know.

But the grief did catch up with me, several months later i had a breakdown.

Answer 6

I lost my sister 5 weeks ago and looking back I thought I was alright I didn't cry and yes I did feel like I'd got to be strong but looking back and talking to a friend I wasn't she said I was on automatic and that's how I felt like I was removed from myself my body was here but I was a step back very weird now it wasn't until this week her loss actually hit me and I couldn't stop crying but not a normal cry I can't explain but I felt heartbroken and overwhelmed with grief but now I have alot of unanswered questions that I feel the need to get the answers too about the afterlife and through this site I am being answered and somethings that have been said have proved to me that my girl is still with me but not in the sense she was before but that's all I wanted to know, if I will be reunited with her when my time comes I feel very sad still but I am able to cry now and feel her loss which I think can only be a good thing and I know at the minute I am trying to except she's gone because before although I had seen her just after she had died I couldn't in my heart believe she had I still don't fully but I'm beginning to and that's where I'm at now.

Answer 7

Hey jack! I have not had anyone that close to me ever die. Hardest death for me was my friends daughter last year. I knew the Mom however much better then the daughter.
But 3 years ago my family found out my mom had Leukemia and you do grieve that as much as death. I had already figured out what was wrong with her before her test results came back by googling some stuff on the internet. The day they found out she called and said they were coming over to talk to me about something. I knew it was bad so I called everyone in my family hoping for the news first before they got here. My pastor pulled into my driveway and that was when I knew. I lost it basically but I lost it alone in my room. By the time my parents got here I put on my stoneface. AFter that I put on my very Pxxsed off face. I was so angry everyone else in the family was told on the phone not face to face and everyone else lied to me when they said they didnt know what was going on including my husband.
Any time we went to visit mom I put on the stone face again. I was ridiculed to no end and still family members 3 years later don't speak to me because they did not see me cry. I simply do not like to cry in front of people. They were angry because I put my faith forward and showed the attitude when your time is up its up. Of course inside it is not how I feel. My mom is angry at me now because my 80 year old gram is very sick and I don't cry over it. I hate attention, I hate people feeling sorry for me, I don't like are you ok, I don't like people hovering over me. I am the type of person who goes to lengths to not draw attention to herself so relating to the McCanns I can say I would likely not cry in front of the camera but I would likely do what I had to not be in front of the camera. I will say however..I can be put in Bxxtch mode quite easily and it does shock me that some of the accusations made about them if they are innocent would wrile me up so badly I would not be afraid to get on camera and speak my mind. I would have smacked the German reporter that asked the question many months ago. Would not care if the cameras were on or not if I knew I was innocent. If something happened to one of my child I would likely be the one to hold it together the best in my family for the sake of my other children. If something happened to all of them at the same time I would run away and never come out of hiding.

Answer 8

I've never had anybody really close die - like a child or my husband, thank God. But when my father died and my inlaws, I didn't cry. I was too busy organising things, comforting others, dealing with my children and helping them through it.

Doesn't mean I don't grieve, though. I often think of them and mourn them.

Answer 9

i felt numb when my mother died it was not real to me i still ha vent cry ed yet i am busy fighting the will for my brothers and sisters so we all get a fair share of her estate , but the more i keep finding out that upsets me i suppose when every think is sorted out then it will hit me it has been 3 years so far

Answer 10

wow..weird cos i just mentioned my dad ( deceased ) in another question, i was relieved his suffering was over but devastated too. i cried but mainly privately for the first couple of days then the brave face was on to organise the funeral and read a eulogy as my mum and brother weren't up to it, i had my first child nine days before dad became ill and he died four weeks later so looking back holding it together so well was the worst thing possible as it resulted in two long years of post natal depression/bereavement. to this day(almost 9 years on) i still have the tears but each person handles their grief differently and i have since lost family members (nan, grandad, aunt) but all with tears but different levels of mourning. hope that answers your question and i also hope you are not grieving right now but if you are then let no one tell you how you should be acting just do what feels right to you.

Answer 11

When my grand-father died I put on a brave face. It was at the funeral when I saw his coffin that I fell apart. I loved him so much, he was such a kind gentle man and everyone loved him. Still miss him to this day.