3 year olds, would you trust their word?

Question

if they told you their dad was abusing them, locking them in the dark, spanking them, etc?

I am getting so much mixed advice from family and friends. I am so lost, I dont want his father to be out of his life - but I need to keep my child out of harm's way.

Should I get the child custody arrangement redone? We have a 50/50 legal and physical.

Answer 1

A 3 year old child has not got the maturity or the intelligence to make something up like that. This is a 3 year old child we are talking about....why would he lie about it. He wouldnt know any better. He is telling you the truth. His reaction when he is about to go to his father's should tell you he is really afraid. My ex's sister would plead with her mother to go with her when she went shopping. Her mother used to say..."no, stay with your dad, I wont be long" This girl was being sexually abused by her father since she was 7 years old. If the mother had picked up the warning signs, maybe the abuse would have stopped a lot sooner. The truth came out when she was 17 years old. She know has a lot of contempt for her mother because the mother ignored her pleadings. Take notice of what your child is saying. It is far better to err on the side of caution than to put you son in am abusive situation. So what if you are wrong. Your first concern is for your child.....believe him. Ignore what your family and friends are saying......listen to your child. Hear what he is saying.....listen to the fear in his voice....that is all you have to listen to. Stop listening to anyone else....start using your own intuition. You know deep down that your ex is abusing your son. Its something that happens in other families....thats what makes it so hard to believe that it could happen in yours. Your child comes first......the opinions of anyone else comes last.

Answer 2

You would know better than any of us. How was he (the father) while you were married/dating? Have you heard of any problems from the dad's family or past girl friends? How is your child telling you these things? Is he/she being prompted through questioning? If he is being punished by spanking it may not be abuse, but the child may just be confused between your different parenting styles. Are you finding bruises or marks left on your child? It is better to be on the safe side, but you have to be careful not to put the child in more danger if it is true. I would call your local department of family and children services and ask them to point you to a professional that can help you more personally and professionally than anyone on Answers can. Please do it right away! I would also contact them before you confront the other parent about the issue. Either way, they will not handle being accused of this very kindly.

Answer 3

Sounds like what my dad use to do to us kids and we are alright. It sounds worse then it really is i bet,my dad would lock us in the basement for about an hour with the lights off but we could see through the door so we had some light. We would get the belt if we did something wrong but that's the way all fathers punished their kids back in the 50's and 60's.If he was raised that way than that's your problem right there.

Answer 4

I would talk to someone from Child Welfare and tell them your suspicions. It's highly unlikely that a 3 year old would invent such a story. I would also watch his reaction around his father when he picks him up. Is he happy to see him? Is he crying when he has to go? Your child's reaction should tell you all you need to know. Follow your maternal instincts and definitely look into this. If he is being locked in a closet, your 3 year old definitely needs your help and support in resolving this. By doing nothing you could be doing far worse damage to him than his father being absent from his life would do.

Answer 5

I would try a child therapist as well...they could probably figure out what is truth and what is fiction. I once had a 3 year old ask me if I would be his "baby mama". So that goes to show, not all thoughts are original. Observe how your child acts when he/she knows they're going to their father's house. That could tell you alot alone. But I think only a professional would be able to tell the truth, not only that, but if your child is telling truth, and you have professional proof, that will help your case against the father.

Answer 6

The first step is to believe them. Three year olds don't make this kind of thing up. Why would they? Unless you have better toys and let them eat candy all day long and they want to be with you.
Listen to your child, then take them to the pediatrician and they can help you sort things out and take the correct steps. You may be saving this child's life. Good luck!

Answer 7

What is it you don't understand about protecting your child, lady. A 3 year old sees the world through eyes of innocence. The child is playful, happy,loves everyone etc. They don't make up stories... they believe everything they see and repeat everything they hear. If your child is telling you these things about this dude you darn well better check it out totally. Don't dismiss the word of your child just because he is 3 years old.

Answer 8

as 3 year olds can be very honest with things that happen, make sure you have actual evidence. does this man have a history of violence?most 3 year olds won't just come out and say something like that unless they are asked. be careful how you ask. a 3 year old can sense your tone and give you whatever response they think you want to hear just to please you.
if you talk bad about your childs father then you will only hear a bad spin on what happens when he is with him.
make sure you know what you are talking about before accusing him in court of anything, because if it turns out to be false then it looks bad on you.
i think you truly know in your heart what the truth is if your child is being abused or not.

Answer 9

Is the child literate enough to tell you how these alleged incidents occurred or has he been listening to others & using it when he's mad at either one of you. You have to imagine the environment the child is in or must go to to see if it's plausible. Children also are big on stability, and transition between parents is sometimes hard if there is animosity between you. Kids are smart, and we grew up, so we can't imagine what they could think up. Don't be quick, but be sure, for the kids.

Answer 10

I would. Unless someone is putting their ideas into his head, where would he be getting this from? I would hope not television.

I don't know if 3 year olds have the capacity to come up with such stories out of the clear blue yonder.

Maybe try a child therapist.