If you are not religious, what were your reasons for getting married?

Question

Given that there are no tax benefits, and that children are the responsibility of both parents whether you are married or not?

Also, if your reasons are stability, what sort of stability - emotional, financial?

Was there social pressure in the era/region you got married in?

I'm just curious.

Thanks.

Answer 1

sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex
and she keeps the bed warm sexsexsexsexsex
did i mention sex

Answer 2

Marriage is a commitment you make to one another. You can say & do that living together but one can walk away & never have to look back.

A friend of mine lived with a man for 10 yrs. & had 2 kids by him. Yet they chose to marry.

My first marriage was for all the wrong reasons. Not wanting to be alone, wanting a child, etc. Then I found out sometimes being alone is better.

My second husband & I also lived together for awhile. we were ready for a commitment instead of the roller coaster of emotions you go through while dating or living together. We both wanted a child. But we also wanted the security of having someone you could expose yourself to emotionally, physically, etc w/o being afraid of losing each other over every fight.

Sometimes we take each other for granted. But that's true in any long term relationship. But when we fight (and believe me we do) that commitment not only says neither can easily walk out emotionally. That paper says it won't happen physically w/o a cost.

There are tax benefits to marriage if you have children. Just not as big a tax break jointly filing as filing single & only one can claim the kids. Plus there's no guarantee the non-custodian parent will pay child support, visit or even help with the bills.

But there has to be love AND commitment or it can fast become nothing more than a mistake to correct. Also it matters to the kids even today. Even in poor ends of town I've seen kids teased about their mom if her name was different than their dad & they were living together. You'd be surprised how often.

Plus if you're just living together you'll find the man has very few rights concerning the children. At the same time if he should leave he can more easily dispute being the father and tie things up in court for a long time before you get any help. If you're married child support is automatic in a divorce until he proves he isn't the father.

Of course there are also those who marry to get medical benefits, survivor rights, equal access and even their money. Every state is different but if a man or woman dies w/o a will a certain percentage goes to the surviving spouse. Even if they have a will the surviving spouse can have it overturned & a portion (from 1/3 to 1/2 depending on the state) automatically turned over to them.

I read this will once that was so detailed it was 9 pages long. Basically it was all given to the kids & charity with the request the kids take care of their mother until she remarried or died. A couple of months later there was an amendent made by her making it null & void. She took her 50% & remarried.

The state sees you as having a responsibility to care for your spouse to the best of your ability once gone. That's why the surviving spouse is given up to a year to have it voided. If your live in love is still legally married (even if legally separated) & he/she dies that spouse can lay claim to a percentage of everything in his name regardless of how much is actually his or what his/her will says. Many company pd. insurance plans won't allow you to make someone a beneficeary unless they are a spouse or connected by blood.

So my question is if you want a commitment why would you not want to be married? Many elderly people past child bearing yrs. want to marry but can't afford to live on SS for a couple. So it must mean more than just a piece of paper.

Answer 3

My first marriage was because all my friends were getting married. Very unwise of me, but I wanted to look beautiful in my beautiful white dress. I love a party too, so the reception was pretty good too.....LOL. I thought I loved him, but looking back I just did what was expected. He was my first love....he was an alcoholic, but I thought love would change that. It didnt happen. I married a second time....for love....I adored him. He was an absolute asssshole....but I didnt know that for 15 years. People marry for all kinds of reasons. It is the accepted thing whether we believe in God or not. It is so ingrained in our society that the meaning of the marriage ceremony is very often lost. I am very spiritual....I believe we were not an accident by the exploding atom. I believe there is a spiritual world......but I never really associated my spiritual feelings with marriage. Marriage seems to be common....it is expected when you have been going out with someone for quite some time. Religion, I believe, is the last reason people get married.

Answer 4

Well, I'm getting married in a church although my fiance and I are not religious. Why? Our families are. It's just a ritual to us, but it makes them happy, so we'll give them a wedding and a party afterwards. It's just one day and it makes them happy and since we already consider ourselves married it's no big deal to put on a show. For us, marriage is a personal thing that doesn't require rituals or laws, besides in my country we can get all the benefits of being married without the ritual, of course, common law couples are not protected by divorce laws.

Answer 5

Marriage shows commitment to your partner and also gives a more certain legal status to the relationship.
When I married my first wife in 1970 I never even considered not marrying as this was not generally accepted at the time. I married for a second time (first wife died, no divorce) because I felt it was the right thing to do, again to show commitment and to ensure that my second wife had a definite legal status should anything untoward happen to me.

Answer 6

Love. We wanted to share the rest of our lives together so thought we may as well make it official.

As for benefits, my husband is in the Army so we had a long distance relationship. When we got married we were then entitled to an Army house which we weren't before we were married so now we get to have a normal, proper relationship. I love being able to see him all the time.

Answer 7

I married my husband because I love him so much and want us to be "wired together" with an acknowledged commitment. We want to share a life together and be recognized as a couple by society. Also, it IS more stable, both emotionally and financially. When 2 people commit to a marriage it is a HUGE statement to each other that they intend on being together for life.

Answer 8

He was my best friend of 5 years
Commitment,
so we could all bare the same name after we had kids,
because it was important to my mum and dad,
for social reasons,
fulfilling my dream of being a bride,
fulfilling my dream of being a wife as i see a wife... ive always been extremely maternal and knew if i ever found the right man then i would be happy to spend my life making him happy, which is exactly what happened. I love my life, i love taking care of our kids, making his home his palace, filling his stomach with delicious meals, pleasing him sexually... seeing my family happy is everything to me.
Now getting back to it....
He offered stability, not that others thought so but i knew he wasn't afraid of work. He was totally screwed by his ex finacially and while some very fine women walked away for that reason... i didn't. I gave him all i had, got him debt free which gave him a new chance at life.... so he started his own engineering business... and it's kind of funny how over the past few years those women that pushed him aside have tried to pick up where they left... all because he is now very successful.
There was no pressure from society but i grew up in an extremely loving home, with 2 parents that were great friends with an amazing lasting relationship.... so of course i wanted that for myself too.
Most of all i found a man with the same values as me and who was striving for the same things out of life : )
When i married him i wasn't inlove with him, he just appealed to the very person i am, so i used my better judgement to realize that as long as i love him, value him, care for him, be with him and give of myself totally.... then we could really make a go at life and our dreams.
I fell deeply inlove with him after 4 years, although i have always loved him.

Answer 9

I'm not married but I hope to get married one day and I'm not particularly religious. I'd say my reason for getting married would be to be legally joined to my husband. To me it also feels traditional, and I'd really want to make sure I was married before I had kids...it just seems to be the right way to do things, to me, though I know life isn't always that straightforward

Answer 10

We married because we want to share the rest of our lives with each other. We are best of friends, we share many interests, and her kids were absolute angels (She was a divorcee with two young children when we wed). We remain as committed to one another as ever now that the children are grown and on their own. We are happily growing old together. And yes, I know it sounds gross to a young person, but we two old farts LOVE sex!

Answer 11

LOVE- 28 1/2 years being married and still very much in love.