If you found out that your spouse had an affair for 2 years and possably a child came of the relationship, could you forgive? What if they seem genuinly sorry...are they be sorry you found out or trully sorry for screwing you over for two years? Would it make you feel any better if the woman was about 60 pounds heavier than you and looked like a troll?
2007-10-04 17:31:29 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She probably did the things you didn't or you stopped doing....don't look for answers here, leave the guy...
2007-10-04 17:35:53 · answer #1 · answered by tanzer360 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in a marriage that was sexless for 2 years. Hard to believe, I know.... but him and I were both VERY heavy and having sex was difficult... so, we eventually gave up on it and pleased one another in other ways. I got tired of this and eventually.. left the marriage before I cheated on him. I would rather have my spouse tell me that I am not pleasing them then have them go out and cheat behind my back.
Here's the twist... I have been having an affair with a married man for 6 months. You may hate me and want to reach through the computer screen and strangle to me death (if the question you asked is about YOU). I would never want his wife to find out... would never want to hurt her in that way... being that he DOES love her and she genuinely seems like a good woman. They don't have any major problems... she is away for a job for months at a time and he gets lonely... Does is make me a bad person? Would I want it done to me? NO... Should I be ashamed? I should be, but I'm not.
Cheating isn't right on any level. Saying goes "Once a cheater, always a cheater". Would you believe him when he tells you he has a late meeting? Has to meet a client? Running to the store? Meeting a friend for drinks? I sure as hell wouldn't...... and remember, this is coming from a woman in her 20's who has been the "MISTRESS" ... DON'T play the fool.... you deserve better.
2007-10-04 17:50:36 · answer #2 · answered by bbwminx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness goes only so far. It is included in the Bible, but I do not know if you subscribe to that. "Genuinely sorry", after 2 years I would find that hard to believe. If the woman was the troll you suggested, it would inflame me even more.
Could I forgive was your question. The answer is no. Would I leave this spouce; yes. This person does not deserve forgiveness by you, but only by a higher power. If you put up with this activity, then you may seek the advice of your friends. This is totally unacceptable behavior and he did not only cheat on you, but could have given you a terminable disease that could not be cured.
It is difficult to make a decision to leave someone you love, but there are times where it is necessary. I'm confident that you could meet someone who would not treat you in this manner. I suggest you seek out such a person because not all people cheat on their lovers. You seem to have proof of his indiscretion and in light of that fact, it is unlikely that he will change, even if you do forgive him.
Forgive him if you must, but then move on and hope to find someone else who will not do that to you in the future. One time could be excusable under certain circumstances, but two years?
2007-10-04 17:46:00 · answer #3 · answered by Boomer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll get alot of opinions on this one and most won't be good. The worst part of this whole heartache is that ONLY you will be able to answer. No one really understands why men AND women cheat...it makes you wonder exactly where their conscience is or even if they have one. You'll have to look at how your relationship had been, who else is involved (children), and many more along with honestly being able to answer how will you be able to cope with it from here on out.
I've been married twice and divorced once...so far. My 1st was hard to end but it needed to be as it just would not have worked...wow, it lasted 8 mths! Now I discovered a few months before my 20th anniversary last year that my wife had been having a minimum of 8 mth affair. Talk about crazy! Surprisingly I have remained calm and non-threatening.
We have 3 boys 15-19 and a good financial status. No real issues or things that most attribute to the cause. The biggest thing was her exposure in the workforce and just getting older I think.
Anyway, it eats on me everyday. I cover it up the best I can but though I want to talk about it, she does not...so it keeps a line between us. I don't trust her as I did and I can't say I love her the same either. We're coasting. More than a year after I confirmed it, it is still like it was yesterday. I'd like to think it will eventually mend and things will be more realistically normal but I fear that with what I have to live with in my mind will cause me to make the decision to go our separate ways.
Thankfully, she can not get pregnant but she still took too many chances for both of us. Hell, it was even an older guy...go figure. There's a lot you have to analyze and soul search...but through it all answer for YOU and in the end things will work out despite any immediate pain and heartache.
PS: If he really wants to save your relationship, he'll work with you in getting help...but keep in mind that with a child involved it can be even tougher. Good luck.
2007-10-04 22:42:11 · answer #4 · answered by n2dfyrigo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it was me I would have to do a lot of thinking. I would want him to have counseling Most likely the marriage would be over. It would be hard for me to trust him again. Some people say they are sorry just because they got caught and some are truly sorry and have learned from their mistakes. If I knew that he was really sorry I would forgive him. But I would have to divorce him because he broke our marriage vows. And if the woman was heavier than me it would hurt my self-esteem and I know I would have to have counseling also. It's sad when people don't take their marriage vows seriously. I take mine very seriously and if we get to where we don't get along I think it best to get a divorce and move on and not make each other unhappy. Then they can meet someone. But not to have someone when they are married It is adultery! Plain and simple. And it is wrong !
2007-10-04 17:45:15 · answer #5 · answered by CB Luves Her Chihuahuas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not forgive him. He is sorry? For lying, cheating and sneaking around for two years? Yeah, right. If don't think that he is genuinely sorry. What she looks like does not matter and neither does how much she weighs. Don't be mad at her (unless she was your friend or your sister) the fault falls with him. Did she know about you? She might not have. Your spouse has proven what a good liar he is. People that cheat also lie about their home life. It is terrible, she won't have sex with me, all she does is complain, etc. and I can't leave because of the kids. If you do forgive him and stay with him DO NOT TAKE IT OUT ON THAT POOR KID. The child is a victim of circumstance and can not help what his parents did. If you cannot accept the child and love them then get rid of the spouse. I think that he is sorry that you found out because if you had not he would still be cheating and you would still be in the dark. Good luck to you.
2007-10-04 17:40:54 · answer #6 · answered by kim h 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
He would be genuinely sorry if it were a one night stand but over the course of two years he had time to be sorry many times and didn't. He is probably sorry he will have to pay child support for her child - and yours as well if you have children and get a divorce - but what she looked like really doesn't matter. it is up to you to decide whether to forgive him and give him another chance but for now, kick him out and make him earn the right to be back in your life, and make him get tested for all the various diseases that he could have caught and perhaps it would be a good idea for you to be tested as well. He lost the right to anything but a divorce from you.
2007-10-04 17:54:16 · answer #7 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, a one night stand possibly even that is tough and things may never be back to normal, and emotional affair a bit easier. But 2 years! and your even thinking about forgiving the guy, are you sure that extra 60 pounds was not dropped on your head.
2007-10-04 17:35:57 · answer #8 · answered by shadycaliber 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just leave him. In my family I have seen many of my uncles cheet on my aunts. Like we found out once a cheater always a cheater. Don't give him a second chance you never know if he has been with more women and think about what they could have had. Chances are he's sorry, because you know.
2007-10-04 17:39:54 · answer #9 · answered by BuG 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would never forgive my husband if he did that.
If he seems genuinely sorry, then why did he do it in the first place? And for two years?! No way.
If my husband did that to me, I'd assume that he wasn't satisfied with me or love me anymore.
Why be with someone who isn't satisfied or in love with you?
Move on. That's the best thing a person in this situation can do.
Once a cheater always a cheater.
2007-10-04 17:50:55 · answer #10 · answered by Mrs. Electric Ocean 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a hard one. Two years and a child is kind of a long and a lot of memories. How do you know it's truly over? Did he have any feelings for her. What does she have that you don't that would have him seeing someone else for two - years? Sorry, but this is one you have to work on.
2007-10-04 17:37:56 · answer #11 · answered by missie_d_73 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋