Truth dancing,
Two lips passing,
Something hiding,
Birds nesting,
Babies fasting,
Sure of feasting,
Weeping,
Keening,
Peering,
Always speaking...
2007-10-04 16:26:53 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Always peering,
Always preening,
Always speaking,
Love come true.
2007-10-04 16:31:51 · update #1
Tchah! Mere wordplay. Where's the logic? And where are we going with 'Babies fasting'? A terrifying thought. Apply more precision to the verbs.
That said, however, amateurs take note: poet here has a good, clear understanding that ACTION words (verbs) carry the poem's freight, if you will.
Again, strengthen the verbs and graduate them purposefully (weak to strong, for example, or vice versa) until your meaning is clear and logical.
There may also be some help in one or two of the texts mentioned briefly here: http://pokerpulse.com/news/viewtopic.php?t=1873.
2007-10-04 16:55:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Todd, this is impressive. the way you administration the rhythm of this poem somewhat strikes me. The %. varies, and all of it reads very nicely. because of the fact I appreciate your writing adequate to be somewhat nit-picky, the only criticism I certainly have is that the imagery interior the poem is bright until eventually the line, "Does that supply you a clue?" - and then rather plenty stops. The intelligence on your play on language, somewhat at "each and each be conscious creates and confines," is undemanding. That line, nevertheless, might supply a great threat to depict visually creation by way of nomenclature. I won't insult you via suggesting the thank you to try this, yet i think of it is the only element that would advance the final component of the poem. great artwork - in actuality, extra clever than the already-good writing I observed while final i replaced into right here reading it.
2016-10-06 03:17:11 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are nothing if not complex. I have read this poem 4 times and each time I see in my mind a cold snow filled morning, the sun shining and ice on branches gleaming.
Do you ever write any stories, or poems only? I'm on your myspace, send me something.
2007-10-05 18:09:26 · answer #3 · answered by Candii JoJo is a groovy chick. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is delightful! I adore 'keening'. It really grabbed my attention and reinforced the poem. Thank you for sharing.
2007-10-04 16:51:41 · answer #4 · answered by Marguerite 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
good idea but the ending doesn't match with the rest or maybe I don't understand the point of the last line.
2007-10-05 22:10:01 · answer #5 · answered by @NGEL B@BY 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's my favorite poem I have read of yours. 2 thumbs up!
2007-10-04 17:10:13 · answer #6 · answered by birdtennis 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unique and somehow pagan, primal- which of course is always true...
2007-10-04 23:02:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am seeking,
Sometimes Freaking,
To answer your questions, flutterbypurr...
Pulse is prancing,
Warring ideas are lancing,
To answer your questions, flutterbypurr...
In the desert that is now my mind,
Only one word could I find,
To answer your questions, flutterbypurr...
FLIRT!!!!!!!
2007-10-04 16:42:11 · answer #8 · answered by Praire Crone 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wink wink....blush. So talented.
2007-10-04 21:16:23 · answer #9 · answered by doggie love 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sensitive
2007-10-05 15:10:34 · answer #10 · answered by Tigger 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋