Alright, well I have to work alot to provide for my family (wife and 7 year old daughter) so I normally work pretty late and I'm gone for a week or two every other month. Anyway, I had to work late quite alot this month so I took off early a few days ago to suprise my wife with a romantic dinner to one of her favorite restaurants, soon after getting home I walked in on my wife and another man in our bedroom. I didnt think that either of them noticed me so I left the room to go think so that I wouldnt do anything that I would regret. Now for the question, at first I thought about talking it over with her and to see if she would agree to go to marriage counseling with me, but we would most likely just end up separated for awhile and I wouldnt want my daughter to see her mother any less. Should I just act like this never happened and move on?
2007-10-04 16:06:17 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have to give you some credit, if I had walked in on my wife screwing some guy in MY BED in MY HOUSE, whether they saw me or not, I'd be kicking the shi.t out of the guy, and then I'd toss out my ****** of a wife out of house as well, and tell her I'll see you in court. Counseling is out of the question, if you take her back, she'll just bring in another guy in to YOUR BED in YOUR HOUSE. Go for custody of your daughter so you can raise her with the morals that her mother can not teach her.
2007-10-04 16:18:09 · answer #1 · answered by buddyj68 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am not married, but I know how you feel. Do not pretend that nothing happened. You don't deserve this. It is too many diseases going around and it's a good thing that you caught this b/c she would have been playing you for the longest. So, try not to go berserk. You have a choice. Either to talk to her about going to marriage counseling or you can file for a divorce. Just b/c you are seldom at home doesn't mean she should cheat. You guys got married to be as "one" and she is committing adultery which is so not COOL! Ask her if she is cheating on you first. If she say "No", then ask her if she is sure. If she say "no" again, then maybe you should divorce her b/c a liar would get you killed or have you do something that you would regret. Don't stay with her just b/c you have kids b/c u can still luv your kids and they can still visit you, but you don't need to put up with this nonsense! So Pray on this and hopefully everything will work out for u.
2007-10-05 02:36:04 · answer #2 · answered by Jax22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Changing behaviour like cheating is a hard thing. Usually it wears out with aging and the urge of sex decreasing. Not sure where you both fall in age bracket. If on younger side, chances are that you might have to make some big changes to your working habbits ... like being there more for her. Also she needs to stop herself from those that she already had relationship with. My experience has shown that its hard to stop seeing a person that you are involved with, especially in a cheating situation. In a single break up situation its different.
Also there could be other things to look at.. like did she give in to that other guy because he could have blackmailed her about something? Just a different twist sometimes. Or job related? hopefully not, but you never know sexual harrassment? etc.
After carefully evaluating all the situations, I would make the decision from there. Personally, if it is just bad behaviour, it could probably lead towards separation and I think this is better in the long term because even though you talk through it, it would still linger in your head and you cannot focus on anything else.
So, I feel bad for you and your daughter and hope that you can make an educated decision based on your personal situation. Good luck.
2007-10-04 23:31:19 · answer #3 · answered by vnj 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U cant take back what u saw. If she is with another man, she does not care about u at all. she does not care how u will react. Counseling is for people who still love eachother but dont know how to express the love because of other issues like stress and money. Ur wife has put an end to ur marriage and u need to stop denying it. No amount of counseling will stop her from this new form of "comfort". In some countries they still stone for this. It is best u leave her. For the sake of your daurghter, yourself, and ur dignity. UR daughter would be better off knowing her parents divorced because her mother was cheating than hearing u guys fight and argue the rest of ur life through and giving her hell on earth.
2007-10-04 23:16:52 · answer #4 · answered by coffeebabyea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not a good idea to ignore it. You need marriage counseling. Sit your wife down and talk to her. Tell her that you saw the other man in your bedroom. Ask her to please go to counseling with you. Working a million hours a week is no way to treat a family. All the money in the world can't replace the time you miss with your family and they miss with you. Money can only buy so much. If your wife is lonely, she will find someone to full that spot and that doesn't necessarily make her a bad person. Get some help,. stop working so much and give more time to the family.
2007-10-04 23:16:38 · answer #5 · answered by sunny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a woman answering this.
I would have been sitting on the couch when one or both would have come out of the bedroom. Then I would of said "Surprise, didn't think I'd be home did you." Who's your friend and then introduce myself and invite him to sit down and talk.
Ask your wife if she's ready to lose custody of her daughter and only have visitation rights (every other weekend, so many weeks out of a year--can still happen).
Then ask the boy-toy to leave and never step in your home again. Let your wife go from there because you need to already have divorce papers prepared so that she needs to find somewhere else to live (ways around it) and needs to go.
The child will do well as long as the parents can be amicable with each other. Don't ask questions about who said, did, whatever.
2007-10-04 23:21:50 · answer #6 · answered by Mignon F 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't sweep something like this "under the rug." I don't have a lot of experience with said subject, but it would be safe to assume that with infidelity, a lot of issues are at work to help it stick around. Talk to her. If she's in love with this other man, then I'm sorry and there's little that you can do. The truth hurts, but not knowing the full story hurts more, Im also going to add that from experience the major thing that someone like you can do is use the excuse of working to much, Can you say that your work is more important then the love of your wife and child? When there is someone absent like that ppl tend to stear away and find something or someone new.. If you love her, FIGHT for her..
2007-10-04 23:45:35 · answer #7 · answered by Gail 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is that what you want to do?... Marriage is about compromising, but not to the point where you would lie to yourself and lost yourself in it. I believe that your first idea about seeking counseling is the best you can do right now. Pretending that she never cheated on you will not fix the problems in your marriage. I think that been open and communicating sincerely with your wife will be the only way for you guys to save your marriage. I know that you are concerned about your daughter but it will be more damaging to her if you and your wife do not address this right now.
I wish you all the luck in the world. I hope you and your wife can fix this and move on together and remember, spending time with your wife and daughter (quality time) is as important as providing for them.
2007-10-04 23:17:44 · answer #8 · answered by Laura 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man who works hard to provide for his family does NOT deserve that kind of disrespect! No, i dont think you should pretend it didnt happen. She broke your trust now every time you go out to work you'll have that lingering thought that what if theres another man in your bed. Now that you know what kind of person she is i advise you to either get marriage counseling or a divorce. Any woman would be happy to have a great guy like you.
2007-10-04 23:14:36 · answer #9 · answered by Kittynater 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you kidding?? Of COURSE not. What a bad example to set for your daughter (who would KNOW about this- kids aren't stupid) you would be teaching your daughter that what her mother has done is acceptable when its not. Leave her now. There is no other answer other than quitting job to sit by her day and night or else you'll be paranoid she'll cheat again every time she's outa your sight- is that the kind of life you want? No. Leave her.
2007-10-04 23:37:25 · answer #10 · answered by Renesme 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋