My narcissitic husband orginally admitted to a 1-time cheat he had with an ex-gf while we were still newlyweds. We seperated soon after & have been seperated for a couple months now. Once he was confronted by another person on the unfaithfulness he denied it. Then about a month ago he came to my crying saying he lied about the affair cuz he was mad at me & wanted to push me away. He said he could verify where he really was that night. Recently he's been asking me to come home. I told him last night that if he was capable lying to his new wife that he cheated, he's capable of still lying right now. So I told him if he had nothing to hide to call the girl right there. He wouldn't. Said he didn't want to involve her and she'd be upset. He said he'd call her & ask if it was okay to talk to her about it. I said, "how do when I know when I leave you won't ask her to lie for you?" He insisted he was innocent & refused to call her right then. Well I had her SN for AIM and contacted her today.
2007-10-04 15:28:20 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
And she admitted that the affair did happen. She said my husband did contact her after I left last night and she told him she wouldn't lie for him. She has a new BF so she why would she willingly make herself look like a slut. She told me the truth.. And I saved our AIM conversation so I had proof!
So I want to know what is the most powerful way I can confront my husband about his cheating and rediculous lies? He's a pathetic excuse for a human being.
Honestly I want to make him cry!
What's your suggestions?
(Remember, he's mild to moderately narcissistic.)
2007-10-04 15:34:28 · update #1
I don't want a divoce!!. but he's been so prideful about the whole thing.. trying to make it my fault! He's been lying and covering his rear end this whole time! Well now he's caught!
I think he needs to be broken for him to realize that HE needs help! I want it to work but he needs to agree to get help (which he's been refusing).
I still love him. But I won't go back to a lying cheating, narcissist!
2007-10-04 15:47:56 · update #2
It is quite simple, you should ask him to have tests to see if he has exposed you to any STDs. Then, tell him you want a divorce. He has had multiple affairs since your marriage, and you don't know how many before. Given the chance to tell you the truth to try to save your marriage, he decided to lie once again. At this point, showing him proof is beyond necessary. He knows that he lied and so do you. I'm sure he checked with her or she called him. I'm sure she had a little payback to do too. It is time to get beyond the pain and start moving on with your life and find someone who is worthy of your love.
I've since read your addition, he will learn to hide it better. You have given him every chance to fess up, but he choose to lie to you again. Just ask the biggest door mat, Hilary Clinton. Is he going to make you president? He doesn't love or respect you enough to to amend his ways. He isn't a good guy who has just made a mistake. He has wandered many times and has continue to lie to you. Wake up. I believe in giving people another chance, but they have to be remorseful and wanting to prove to you they will change. How many are you going to give him? Is this the life you want to live?Remember, fool me once shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Good luck and God bless.
2007-10-04 15:54:59 · answer #1 · answered by A friend of Bill W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well apparently he loves you a lot and wants to make this work, its up to you on what you do now ... you have a very strong piece of evidence in your hand ... but if you make him cry & hurt what does that get you??? you know he's capable of lying & cheating ... now do you work on forgiveness or end the marriage???
It's hard to say what you should do in this situation, you need to have trust and you don't, you need to have love and it seems he does ... but are you still in love with him??? Was the affair once or a few times??
I've been hurt by a cheater so for me I would be dump him ... but it really depends on you love for him, do you love him? can you trut him again?? if the answer is no (which it seems to be ...) than instead of trying to make him cry ... get a divorce and move on.
2007-10-04 15:41:04 · answer #2 · answered by emnari 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
According to me,he has never loved you and would never love you,or else just for having an affair he should have not left you or hurt you.
It is injustice that the woman should always be cheated and why not men.
I would be you,would never had listened to him,rather get a divorce and marry a man,who would like me or love me.
Hence you have to take a option now,whether you want to live with such a guy,who would cheat you again,if needed.....
2007-10-04 15:42:16 · answer #3 · answered by SERGIE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has lied not once but several times....why would you even want to confront this lying cheating man? If you can't trust him...then you are better off without him.
So you don't want a divorce....Until he sees that he is a cheater and a liar...and wants to change....there isn't much that you can do...because like you said...he is narcissistic....So I suppose your only option is to stay with him hoping that he might change and just accept that this is what you have settled for.
2007-10-04 15:43:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him over the phone since you not around him in person. No sense of sugar coating it you have to file for a divorce first to get papers until then bust him out with all his mushy mushy talk & let him know you done with his games. The sooner you speak your mind to him the sooner you can move forward in forgetting about him & his cheating. Get it out of your thoughts dont hold it in it only gives you more stress, heartaches & pain. You may feel a sense of relief by confronting him, hang in there.
2007-10-04 15:49:32 · answer #5 · answered by fiestynay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you know the truth! And kick him out to the curb! He cheated while you were newly weds? Are you seriously asking what you should do?
I think you already know the answer to that one! If he's going to cheat shortly after taking vows not to how are you ever going to trust him? Marriage HAS GOT to be a TRUST thing! With no trust- you don't have a relationship.Get rid of that man!
2007-10-04 15:44:41 · answer #6 · answered by piowine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would print out the AIM conversation, attach it to divorce papers and take it to him at home or at work. I wouldn't say one word to him- hand him the papers and turn around and walk away. If you think he's so self-absorbed (and apparently a big jerk)....what's the point in staying in the marriage?? How could you trust him?
2007-10-04 16:24:20 · answer #7 · answered by JustMyOpinion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well in my opinion, if he will not contact her in front of you on speaker phone and you not say one word so that she will not know that you are around.....then i would just tell him no, that you have to know it is over and the only way to do that is to listen to both sides of the conversations. and if he is not willing to do that, then he has something to hide, and that would be either ..... he does not want it to end, or the affair was not with her, but someone else, and does not want to get caught in another lie.
2007-10-04 15:37:29 · answer #8 · answered by mrs_endless 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
FIRST of all sista if your husband is a narcssist (mine was and I found out 15 years too late) RUN LIKE HELL!!! There is no hope for these people, they never change. You will be dragged through a miserable life. Here is a link to a great info website. READ IT. You will learn much and can make your decision. Don't waste your life on someone like him. http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders37.html
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You will need it.
2007-10-04 15:42:54 · answer #9 · answered by Dani Bosco 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Print out the conversation and mail it to him. On the bottom of the print out, write in large red letters "I want a divorce, you lying, cheating, miserable excuse for a man."
2007-10-04 15:38:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋