My fiance is pretty well off. He can really take care of me financial-wise. But he is such a workaholic, so he's always too tired for sex, I feel like I am only second place. My Ex is the opposite. He always had energy, we had so much fun. But he had no ambition, so I broke up with him. I think I love him more than my fiance. And he says he still loves me and wants me back. If money wasn't an issue, I would definitely pick my ex. But I don't wanna end up swimming in debt, cuz I still have to pay my student loans...Help please?
2007-10-04 15:19:47 · 37 answers · asked by smile 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
and yah, i have a job. I'm actually an RN. but student loans are catching up and i'm no spring chicken anymore. So yah.
2007-10-04 15:29:29 · update #1
Since those are the only two guys in the whole world, and you absolutely have to get married, its a very tough situation. I feel for you.
2007-10-04 15:22:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 2⤋
There's two separate answers I can give.
The first one (the warm fuzzy one), you've gone from one extreme to the other, it sounds like neither man is right for you. You need someone a little more in the middle. Not necessarily wealthy, but not necessarily poor. Not necessarily a workaholic, but someone who bothers to make an effort. Perhaps you need to spend less time trying to choose between the two, and start looking for someone else. Someone who can make you happy.
The other answer (the one that holds true for a lot of people), get out of debt, stash some money in a personal account, and find a boyfriend to service your needs while your hubby works. At least until the loans are paid, the debt is gone, and he has served his purpose. Then find someone you actually care about.
Scarily answer number two would be the one most people would choose, but don't think it's the easy answer. Not by a long shot. You'll effectively be prostituting yourself for the next couple of years or more until everything is paid off, and you're going to have a very hard time being happy knowing you living a great big lie.
If it were me, choose to split from both your ex and your current. Harder in the short term, but absolutely worth the expense. Being broke is hard, being lonely and depressed is harder.
2007-10-04 15:29:21 · answer #2 · answered by cyber_phobic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you marry for money, you are going to always be miserable. You are already unhappy with this man. You said it, so pay attention to yourself.
You don't have to have a great deal of ambition to be happy or to stay out of debt. You just need to make sure you can live within your means, whatever they are.
You can pay back your student loans by getting a job and making regular payments. That's not some guy's responsibility and I'm sure you don't think that it is.
Marry only for love. It is the only thing that will get you through the difficult times. And love is really harder to find than money.
2007-10-04 15:25:21 · answer #3 · answered by treebird 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you go with your ex, like you said, you will be "swimming' in debt. Your relationship won't be the same with him, and it will be more strained. You probably won't be too happy in that relationship after a while. At least with your fiance, he can take care of you, and love can build.
Another thing. How do you know your ex still loves you? Apparently you have been in contact with him, and you shouldn't be. You agreed to marry your fiance for a reason, and it seems the ex has creeped back into your life and is messing with your head. He's an ex for a reason...forget about him.
2007-10-04 15:34:09 · answer #4 · answered by Student Doctor House 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your workaholic fiance first, if he loves you, he will understand your needs and will find time to spend moments with you. Financial aspect is not the best foundation for a lasting relationship, neither is sex... whats important is you have the same values and you LOVE each other enough to take courage and patience to accept and understand each others weaknesses. As you have mentioned that your EX is the type of guy who doesn't have ambition, that statement is kinda blurred.
2007-10-04 15:49:13 · answer #5 · answered by amiga 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess you need to decide what is important to you. You sound like a mercenary who would marry for money. If that is true and you choose the workaholic who is too tired for sex, you will likely resent him and feel justified when you begin an affair, because "my husband doesn't meet my needs..."
Then you'll have an ugly divorce and for the sake of the workaholic, I hope he will have had you sign a prenup.
Sorry, but you really don't seem to have good character.
Why don't you be on your own long enough to pay your own loans and your own way? You will earn self-respect and maybe some clarity on what is important to you.
2007-10-04 15:27:11 · answer #6 · answered by Pamela B 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, you're not starting off your new life with this Joe in a very good or healthy way, are ya? Finances are extremely important, but so is love, commitment, getting along well with each other and a sense of happiness. Are you happy? If the answer is no, you shouldn't get married. Hurry up and pay off your loans and pick the right person.
2007-10-04 17:40:23 · answer #7 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look some times you have to make sacrifices and not worry about sex all the time my thing is i no you like sex dont we all but some tomes we have to grow up go to the naugty store an pick some things up that canhold you over cause you cant just live on love with no money but you should also tell your man about how you feel an trust me it will get better and you need to stop talking to your ex thats only going to make it worst
2007-10-04 15:30:20 · answer #8 · answered by fattyb1980 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I get the feeling I know exactly what your going through ... always go with personality ... money comes and goes ... but people generally stay pretty constant. Marry for love, and fun, and all that ... not so you can pay off your student loan.
2007-10-04 15:23:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok this is a huge problem... the main question you need to ask is what you feel in your heart.. and also if he is your fiance then im quessing you feel for him alot and questioning the realtionship when you get the ring is normal so the easy thing to do is not ask should i leave him but ask how to i get him to want sex.... i suggest back rubs and rubbing his ears that can turn on guys.... other than that try to work on your realtionship with your fiance... love is a tricky thing but money is always a one way road...
2007-10-04 15:26:08 · answer #10 · answered by Prof.Sand 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nowhere did you say that you love your fiance....so I would say that you shouldn't marry him...marrying for financial security is not a good idea....you will always come in second place to his work. Besides that....you seem to still have feelings for your ex.....you don't need to marry someone else until you deal with those feelings.
2007-10-04 15:26:48 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋