Will you please critique my short piece of writing?

Question

it is an article I wrote about the beginning of the Aids crisis in London in 1982

Here is the direct link to my piece;

http://meanderingtrevor.blogspot.com/2007/10/looking-back-we-never-forgot-how-to.html

Answer 1

It is a little self-indulgent. The author does not make the reader relate to the protagonist sufficiently. It is what is known as "preaching to the choir".
It is also a well worn topic. The story needs newness. It is an old story that we have heard before. It starts and ends in 1981.
The story could use more irony and a two-sided conflict. The story is too much "in the face". Try more subtlety.

Thank you for sharing though.