My husband turned into a binge drinker, it started 3 years ago when he lost his job. He now has his own business. I do go to Alnon meetings. At least once a week. I am 47 years old, not in to bad of shape. I work and have friends. I live on the East cost, my only child lives in the West. I just think I am afraid of living by myself. I live in a two family house. My mom lives in her own apartment downstairs. His drinking is causing me so much aniexty, I hate his behavior when he is drunk. He can't stay sober for more then 2 to 3 weeks. I tried talking to him, writing letter, crying, etc.... of course we fight which doesn't help the problem. I just wish I had the courage to get my *** to the lawyer and start separation If it was another women it would have been over. If G-d takes him at least it is over.
2007-10-04 14:22:50 · 17 answers · asked by Magic1001 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I was married to an alcoholic for 22 years. . .I'm 48 and have a full time job. If he has no plans to quit drinking, leave him. I am SOOOO happy to be without the anger and pain of being married to an alcoholic. You won't be that alone. . your mother is downstairs. You'll probably have even more friends once he's out of your life. I withdrew from friends because of my ex.
Get out now! Don't talk/think about him not living any longer - focus on your LIFE and LIVING it. Take care of yourself. . . life is too short.
You'll probably be in better "shape" when you leave him. I lost 20 pounds, blood pressure went down and people tell me I look 10 years younger now!
Good luck!
2007-10-04 14:30:15 · answer #1 · answered by Share 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are a clever and courageous girl however you can not manage this challenge by myself. My recommendation (and I too am an Army spouse with a deployed husband) could be to make use of the time that he's away to collect your assets. Plan A could be a software to get him sober. Plan B is what you do if he fails to comply with plan A and also you must depart.The purpose why humans could be amazed if you happen to left is in view that they do not know what is going on and so they have got to. You are readily performing complicitly and 'masking up' for him - tremendously average incidentally. I volunteer for a Military other halves aid enterprise right here within the UK and also you could no longer suppose what number of females come to me and inform me a identical tale to yours - well guys who're ruining their lives and the lives of others via alcohol abuse. Please speak to any individual. Your assets are frequently one-of-a-kind to ours however AA is common. Discuss it with near peers and loved ones. TELL. Your quiet disapproval is not touching him he demands to understand that his behaviour is unacceptable and demands to be addressed as quickly as he will get again. Don't depart him now, nonetheless tempting that's. Give him an possibility while he will get again to make use of the assets that you've sourced. He could have needed to were 'dry' for an overly lengthy spell, so that is a begin. Explain the second that he steps off the airplane that except he follows the plan that you've set in position he'll lose his loved ones. Get peers and loved ones to reiterate the message. Let him understand that he's underneath scrutiny and that there shall be no moment probabilities. I wish that you will not want plan B however you're going to consider more potent with no trouble for having it there. You don't seem to be by myself.
2016-09-05 18:09:59 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Magic 1001 alcoholism is an awful disease and it most certainly does affect more than just the drinker. I have been a member of AA for a number of years and know many people who are in the Alanon program also. Although not that familiar with your program do know that it is to help family and friends learn how to live their lives while still affected by the alcohol. Sometimes it is necessary to end a relationship because of the drink and other times people are able to separate their lives from their partner's and they remain together. Just wondering if you have perhaps spoke with your family doctor regarding your man's drinking. He may be able to speak with husband or have some valuable resources for you and him. Or maybe you could invite one of your Alanon friends and their husbands over some night. That way you could introduce AA to your man in a fairly neutral place, your home, and he might actually like this other fella. He may watch this other man having a good time without drinking and question himself. It all works one day at a time as I'm sure you are aware of and hopefully he will see how his drinking is affecting both of your lives and someday soon hit his rock bottom before it is too late and he ends up losing everything. As I stated earlier however sometimes it is necessary to lose everything before our eyes are opened. Best of luck to you both.
2007-10-04 14:35:17 · answer #3 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think that you may need to seek counseling for yourself. Alnon is a great help, but I think that you need some one on one counseling. But he is not going to change until he is ready, hits the bottom, or maybe even give him an ultimatum, but you need to speak to someone first before the ultimatum.
Plus you have to remember you will not be alone, your mother is down stairs. You deserve better, so instead of saying, "I am afraid of being alone" you need to weigh out the pros and cons of being without him.....make a list of how things will get better, and what will be worse.
Good luck, I wish you the best in whatever decision you make, you will be fine.
2007-10-04 15:30:15 · answer #4 · answered by mrs_endless 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My dad is an alcoholic. As lomg as I can remember he has been that way. I hated it so I know that how you feel. I think that it was easy for me to leave because I am his daughther so I was supposed to leave him someday, you know. Now that I am married and have a family of my own it is different. My mom suffered a lot. He was violent with her a lot more than with us. But she stayed with him. Now my dad's brain is shrinking so he can not remember a lot of things. I am not sure what this medical condition that my dad has is called in English. He does not have a short term memory. He has a different personality too because of the brain damage from years of abuse. Maybe you could talk to him....... what could become of him in the future. Ask him what he wants and tell him what you want in your life. If you guys can have the same goal. then it might be worth staying. But if you think that it is not worth it, then you should leave. There are a lot of guys out there.
2007-10-04 15:06:32 · answer #5 · answered by three boys 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
sweety look for help, seek assitence and get rid of him. You analized it perfectly and you know your young life will be over soon and lost to some drunken pig. so get on with it and don't look back. Of course alcoholics are ill and all.... but he does not take you in any kind of consideration which makes him an egoistic man who is not worth it.
If you keep eduring all this mess, you will become ill too, and will need more than shrinks and self help meetings to get better.
Search within and find the strenght to cut loose and find a tranquil life on your own. Seek the lawyer tomorrow.
good luck
2007-10-04 14:34:03 · answer #6 · answered by GreenEyes 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't understand what you mean by living alone? You said that your mother lives down stairs.You do have some one to help you through this.Look you know what is going on,you know that your life is miserable and will stay miserable unless your husband stops drinking,and he cannot or will not stop.Ask your mother for support and get yourself to a lawyers office tomorrow.Your life begins when your marriage ends.
2007-10-04 14:37:12 · answer #7 · answered by Julius C 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Did you ever think that MAYBE your mother living downstairs is part of the problem? Listen.....I drink more than I probably should too. And I've been told on SEVERAL occasions over the last year that I should probably cut back because I am overly abnoxious while watching football games, baseball games, etc. But do ya think that MAYBE his mother in law living downstairs and not feeling like you guys have a life of your own could be a reason why he wants to escape from reality? Just wondering!
2007-10-04 14:29:41 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 5⤋
I'm sorry for your pain. The man needs to hit bottom before he's gonna help himself. You're doing the right thing by going to alanon but if you're allowing his behaving to control your moods or your life, he has way too much power.
Give him an ultimatum. Let him hit bottom. If he comes up for air, good. If not, you got out while you're still (relatively) young. Good luck to you.
2007-10-04 14:28:17 · answer #9 · answered by katydid 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I have a question...My husband is an alcoholic. He stop drinking about 15 years ago. He is back full force for the last 3 years. He doesn't work and lives off me and max out all his credit cards. He hasn't made any payment for a few years. Nevertheless, they are all coming down on him. He convince stupid me to borrow against the house. Now I'm stuck with the huge payments. What can I do to get him out of the house.
2014-09-03 11:39:03 · answer #10 · answered by Judy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋