My mother in law drives me nuts...................?

Question

What would you do if your mother in law keeps trying to drive you nuts? For ten years I tried to get along with my MIL until, I exploded. My husband talked to her and things got a little better for me. We don't see each other very much anymore, about once a month. But, now other people tell me about things she says about me. Do you think I should ignore the situation unless she personally tells it to my face, which she never will. Or confront her, and let her know that I know of her talking lies about me?

Answer 1

Let sleeping dogs lie. In other words, don't bring up the situation, as it could start a problem with your husband, as well. If she is saying things, and she can drive a wedge between you and your husband, it would only prove her point.

Answer 2

I would be the bigger person and not let what she says get to you. Even though that can be hard to do.

If it really bothers you, have a sit down with her. Be calm, collective and know what you want to say before you talk to her. Try to anticipate what she might say so that you have an answer to her questions. Let her know that you love her son, and that she is very important to him - and on the side of respect - because of him - you both should form a truce, or come to an understanding of how to start fixing your relationship. If you can do it calmly and without passing blame or judgment, tell her a few of the things you've her her say about you, and ask her why she feels this way. I think it's important for her to be called out on what she's been saying, especially if it isn't true. She needs to be aware that you know what she's been saying.

I myself have a very "involved" MIL. It can be hard when she wants to run our life. I feel for you. But out of the love and respect you have for your husband, it's worth trying to fix. If after your talk she is still behaving like a child - at least you know that it's her problem and not yours. You can hold your head high. Plus if your husband sees you trying, and his mother not trying - He'll come to your defense.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

The first time my husband took he home to meet his mother was quite the experience. She called me four different names (all ex-girlfriends) at the dinner table in the restaurant in under an hour. So I called her Madge (which she hates) every time we met after and that lasted up until she realized I was not going anywhere and married her son and had children. You ever see that movie "Mother-In-Law" could have been my life story.
Put your foot down and take control. You could secretly (well, tell your husband) and make an appointment with a family councilor, bring your husband and Father-In-Law too and throw her under the rug in front of witnesses of her rude behavior. She will not be able to deny any wrong doing and a good councilor will open the door for some hard core discussion.
She needs help.

Answer 4

Well does he think the world of her? Of course he does, but what i mean does he get all offensive when you try to talk about how she treats you? If so than you need to slap him in the face and tell him what is going on because your not going to put up with that crap. And then do it to his mother because she should know. Or maybe if violence isn't the answer tell her how you feel about what she is doing to you and then maybe she might treat you better. And with that stupid excuse that you stole her son away, its an excuse that's all it is. She wouldn't think that the queen of England is good enough for her son and she also is afraid of the fact that another woman other than her can make her son happy and like i said that scares her so maybe try to show her that your not a thief but someone who loves her son and then (no guarantees) she might let up a little bit, enough at least to break through her defenses.

Answer 5

I'd think after 10 yrs. she'd be use to the idea of you taking away her baby boy. Anyway, I agree, confront her. Your husband may have had a talk with her about it but I bet it wasn't as stern as if you had talked to her. Tell her like it is and that it's time to be a family, and get along now that she has seen you are there to stay. If you stress your concern enough, I think she'll get the idea!!

Answer 6

what do you care what she says?
look at it this way
depending on who she tells what
if it's a stranger then you do not care what people think anyway
if it's a friend then they all ready know you anyway
if it's a cousin or relative and they were not close, then no harm their
if they are close the make ask you in private just tell them straight up that mom's slowly losing it
if they believe her over you then no loss their again...
you do live your life in your way right?
and if so your should cafe not what people think of you
you are not here to make impression on contemptible people who are hard set in their aging ways
so let her have her talk
keep the interface to a minimum
a nod here and there
be cordial, if not downright polite, there is nothing wrong with that
you are not acquiescing to her thoughts
you are merely being better than her
if anything
it will irk her more

Answer 7

I've been married for 20 years, and have had my fair share of in law problems. My rule of thumb is this--I deal with my family, and my husband deals with his family. I never deal with his, and he never deals with mine. The few times we each have tried to handle an "issue" with the other's family blew up in our faces BIG TIME. Your mil is going to be much more tolerant of your husband confronting her about her actions than you confronting her.

However, if it's been 10 years, I'd honestly let it go. Deal with her as little as humanly possible. I'd tell the "people" who are telling you the things that she's saying about you that you're honestly not interested in it. I never take things at face value that I'm getting 2nd and 3rd hand. If she wants to tell you something, let her tell you herself. My issue is with the "people" who are taking it upon themselves to tell you what she's saying about you. If they're related to your hubby--have him talk with them and tell them their interference really isn't helping the situation and is hurting your feelings, and he'd appreciate it if they just left it alone.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Confronting her is only going to make it worse because they feel like they don't have a problem and the reason I know cause I had the same problem with my MIL, just ignore her and go on with your life because you can't change people you can only change yourself.

Answer 9

That is their job!! I been there and done that. You can confront her, but she is going to deny it. When I approached mine, she asked me what was I going to do about it. She also threaten me. Once a month when you see her, speak and keep your distance. She is wrong for acting like that, don't stoop to her level. You got her son (baby) and she is jealous. Maybe she will get over it and maybe she won't. She will be alright.

Answer 10

ignore the gossip 'people' are spreading......apparently it is not just your MIL or you would never have heard it...they all need to stop, in one ear, out the other; turn the other cheek...you don't actually know exactly what was said and in what context since it wasn't said to your face....don't go looking for a fight.......if what they are all saying and repeating about you has no basis, you have no reason to defend yourself....let it go...