it's been nearly ten months ago and i'm still not over it. he would always tell me if it happened then we would have the baby. he knows i'm crazy about them. this is both our second marriage and we have kids from previous marriages 19,17,12 & 10. none together. about 2 months before i got pregnant i made it very clear that he was to pull out (sorry) or use something b/c i didn't feel he really wanted one & our relationship is not a good. (past abuse) and i didn't want to go through an abortion. i wouldn't be able to live with myself. he wouldn't listen and kept doing his thing. i would be pissed after but he didn't care. then i got pregnant!! he was cold about it and ouwln't talk to me about it. he didn't want it &i knew i had to have an abortion. i knew i didn't want to raise this baby on my own. i know i'm to blame for not protecting myself. i hate myself for this and i can't put it behind me. every baby i see makes me cry! i feel as long as i'm w/him i'll never get over it.
2007-10-04 12:46:36 · 39 answers · asked by exhausted 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
first of all, let me make this clear . i have taken responsibility for the choices that i have made. i am not asking for you to feel sorry for me. i do pray not for forgiveness but to tell god how aorry i am! i have been with this man for 7 yrs. my previous husband for 11 yrs (3 kids from) i am a good mom that loves her children that's why this is so hard for me. sleeping with him?? he is my HUSBAND! we don't have a great relationship this i know and am trying to find the strength in myself to leave it. as far as the pill.. my OB and i were working on getting me the IUD at the time (insurance) because i can't take the pill! then this happened. so believe me when i tell you there isn't a day i don' hang my head in shame for the choices i've made!! this wasn't a form of birth control! i love babies and that's Y i feel so awful. i've always been against abortions. i never thought i'd b in this situation. Again i set myself up, ialways prayed he would be better & we wd be happy.
2007-10-04 13:15:59 · update #1
Call Healing Hearts. It's a post-abortion counseling organization, and they are sooooo helpful. What you have is known as Post Abortion Syndrome. It is a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Call this number 360.897.2711. They work Monday-Thursday 8-3, but I think there may be someone on call all of the time. The counselors are not judgemental or anything like that. They also have an online support group that is very helpful. Your heart needs to heal, and my heart goes out to you. Please feel free to shoot me an email if you need someone to talk to. I used to be a counselor.
2007-10-04 12:56:13 · answer #1 · answered by Kitten S 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You're a grown woman who can make her own choices. You had an abortion because you wanted to. You admitted that you didn't want to have a baby with him b/c the relationship with wasn't good. God forgives you and if you pray and have faith in God, you would stop beating yourself up. There is nothing you can do about this, it's over and done. Live and learn. If you don't get the IUD or some type of birth control you will be pregnant again. Don't blame him, blame yourself. Once you realize YOU decided to have the abortion and not him, you will be able to move on.
No one can judge you and you will read some terrible answers, don't let that get you down. Sin is sin. God is the only judge. He forgives everyone who repents and asks for forgiveness.
2007-10-04 14:15:54 · answer #2 · answered by KSR 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OK, first of all you need to get out of that abusive relationship immediately. No man is worth losing your sanity and self-respect. You seem to be a very smart and caring person, and you don't deserve to be with a jerk.
As for when will the pain be over regarding your abortion? Well, it may lessen, but it will never go completely away. I was in a similar situation and had an abortion about 28 years ago... and it still haunts me to this day. Even with 3 beautiful children (ages 12, 16 and 25) it still did not make up for the fact that I missed out on raising a wonderful child that could have been someone very special.
Please, please, get away from this man now. He does not respect you or your feelings, and that is just not healthy for you. Do what's best for you, and to h*** with him.
Good luck! You are in my thoughts and prayers.
2007-10-04 12:58:08 · answer #3 · answered by starshyne59 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you will get over it just remember that God has forgiven you and He loves you and no matter what your husband or anyone else says, you are forgiven. I got pregnant right after I had my first child and at that time my husband and I were going through a terrible time(abuse) and I went and got an abortion and just like you I cried everyday seemed liked. Then I went to this Christian play and the woman in the play had had an abortion and when she died she went to Heaven and at that moment I heard a voice saying you are already forgiven quit beating yourself up about it. That was 9 years ago and my husband and I are still together and better than ever. And he had that crazy attitude about me being pregnant. You just remember just get some type of birth control until the time is right for you to have a baby together!!!
2007-10-04 13:20:47 · answer #4 · answered by tbr1122 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is a constant reminder thenleave him which is what you should of done when you got pregnant.
What could he of done if you kept the baby? Leave you, what?
You let someone else make a choice for you and now you regret it.
Also, if children were not suppose to happen then your husband should have got a little snip-snip or you should be on birth control. Pulling out does not work and as 2 adults, I would think you would already know this. Ever hear of a condom?
You have other babies, get over this.
2007-10-04 13:09:48 · answer #5 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was engaged when I was 24 and married when I was 26 Our wedding colors were a pale peach and chocolate brown We each had our brothers as witnesses (2 total), it was a very small wedding (14 people were there including us and our reverend) Our reception was held a month after our wedding, and we did not have assigned seating, most people didn't sit, it was a cocktail party We had a small chocolate cake and then a variety of desserts for people to choose, I think there were 5 different choices We went to Maui for two weeks We got married in Gleneden Beach, OR, a tiny town on the coast, just outside of Lincoln City
2016-04-07 04:27:28 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like neither one of you should have had ANY kids to begin with. There aren't enough marbles between the two of you! Why would you continue to have sex with him if your relationship was not good? Then to decide to terminate the pregnancy when you didn't want to go through an abortion, why, because of him... the guy you weren't haven't a good relationship with???? Why weren't you on some sort of birth control yourself? Sounds like you planned to live dangerously. And so if you made the mistake, did you not think about perhaps adopting the child out even if it came to that??? Yes, you will have to live with the guilt for the rest of you life. I don't think staying with this guy is going to solve your problem and neither will not staying. It's a horrible lesson to learn at the expence of a little life.
2007-10-04 13:18:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi, That is something that you will have to live with for the rest of your life,,, that memory will never disappear ,,, that was a part of you and that aborting should of never happen,,, i had 3 kids already ,, my marriage was at its worst ever ,,i had sex once in four month and got pregnant ,,, i thought that i was going to go crazy,,,, but i deal with it ,,, i was going to my 4th month before i told my husband that i was pregnant ,, because i decided that it was part of me,,, .my son was born he is 11 now ,,, personally i am against abortions,,,
my advice to you would be to get pregnant have you baby and give it lots of love,,,
many mothers have raised there children on ther own and its not that bad,,, i hope that everything works out well for you ,,
Good Luck
Leena
2007-10-04 13:15:04 · answer #8 · answered by leena 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're right that you should have protected yourself, but it is too late for that and you have GOT to stop blaming yourself. If he is that against having children, he shouldn't have been NOT using protection, himself. What is done is done, sweetie...you have to stop beating yourself up, and ask yourself why you are still with this man. If he has abused you in the past, and is so unfeeling about not using protection and letting you take care of the circumstances, he does not sound like someone that truly loves you...I'm sorry. But please find it in yourself to have the strength to move on - this is not the man you want to grow old with...I wish you only the best.
2007-10-04 12:52:08 · answer #9 · answered by samantha 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
oh HELL TO THE NO! first you should have used protection, and why you would have sex with someone like that, but anyway...
you are not to blame 100% for getting pregnant, i'm sure he had something to do with it.
you can't force someone to have an abortion, i'm sure you made the appointment, you went, you had it done.
i am pro-choice, i believe a woman can decide to abort a baby or not. however what i don't believe is women like you wanting everyone to feel sorry for you because you used abortion as birth control. it wouldn't have mattered if he pulled out or not, you always dribble before you shoot.
you should be ashamed for putting yourself through this. but it's done and over with, hang your head and cry, but remember tomorrow is another day, you at some point have to suck it up and get on with your life. you can't change what you did, so move on!
2007-10-04 12:55:32 · answer #10 · answered by loriloriloriloriv 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋