should i write a letter to my hubby's ex-mistress?

Question

my husband and i are together again after the affair. however, letely i have been having pangs to email the ex-other woman and let her know how i felt during the time that they were together. i am thinking that i need to do it to heal myself and hopefully, forgive them and myself, too. i don't intend to write bad things to her or hurt her. just a woman-to-woman kind of thing to help me understand better, finish and seal off the "business" for good.. should i?

Answer 1

Let it go, unless you want to open a can of worms or break up yet again.

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

Congratulations, I'm glad you and your husband are together again. I'm sorry for the pain that you have been trough, but I have to ask; why do you feel the need to have a woman-to-woman with his ex-mistress? Have you and him discussed why and what drove him do be unfaithful? I was in a situation like this once, and although, I am very sympathetic about your pain; I do believe that we can't go on ignoring what happened an blaming other people without being able to take responsibility. I was so devastated when it happened to me, that I neglected to see that our relationship was not in bad shape when she came along, but rather it had been in bad shape many years prior. Once I accepted my mistakes and he accepted his, we where able to mutually forgive and forget each other for all the bad things we had done to each other. It has been 6 years, and we are still together and stronger than ever. This event was an eyeopener for both of us.

If after all the answers you still decide to write to her, just don't forget that she did not initiate this on her own, and unfortunately, maybe you don't known it, but you had a lot to do with.

Good luck to you and your husband. I sincerely wish you guys the best, hoping that you guys share many anniversaries to come!

Answer 4

I do not think you send a letter to the other woman. I know you want to and I completely understand why, but it's not really going to do anything but keeps things stirred up.
If it would make you feel better write the letter and then burn it. Put the past away.
If you and your husband are truly working it out then let it go. Forgive what happened and move forward with a positive mind set. Work on the two of you again.

Answer 5

I felt like writing a letter also, so I did and emailed it to my cell phone. It made me feel better getting it all out and I could look at it when I felt anger toward her. I would not really mail her a letter; she knows what she took part in and really didn't care about your feelings. What good would it do? Better to leave it be; put her behind you and move forward in mending the relationship with hubby. I don't 'buy' that your husband is more at fault than she, though. It takes two to tango and without her agreeing, he could not have cheated with her. As long as women are willing to date the married man, then they will also have to reap the concequences. And if they don't know the man is married, I feel they are just as much a victim of it all as the wife. It is sad anyway you look at it. But, it is also done and over and he is with you and must earn your trust again.

Answer 6

I have been in a similar situation. I would advice you to write a letter but for your benefit and don't post it. At least then you've had your say and gotten it off your chest but you haven't stirred it all up again. The last thing you need is to begin communicating with the woman who nearly tore your life apart. I know how hard it is but put it behind you and leave it there. It really is better for all concerned, especially you.

Answer 7

You should focus on your husband. The energy your taking thinking about her could be spent on bettering your relationship. If you want to write a note, it needs to be to your husband. It's not her fault that your husband had an affair, it's his fault.

When a man cheats on his wife and she takes him back, he eventually cheats again. He is going to be a good boy for a little while and then he will be back to his old tricks. There is a reason he stepped out and until you can fulfill that reason, he will always step out.

Answer 8

Well, I wouldn't, but I can't tell you what to do. DId she know your husband is married when they started the affair? Your husband is as much at fault as she is. What will it accomplish if you write me a letter? I don't think it would make me feel any better for me to do that. I comend you for taking your husband back, I could never do that.
Why would you want to forgive yourself? What did you do? There is nothing that a person can do to make their spouse cheat on them other then cheat also. You are the victim here as far as I can tell, but I dont know the whole story.

Answer 9

I don't think it's worth your time, your husband is the one who broke the marriage vows and betrayed your trust, the woman could have been anybody, it still would have hurt you the same. I think you need to write that letter, and give it to your husband. He is the one who really needs to know how hurt you are. Also, you need to examine what things YOU can help fix in the marriage to make it a happy place for both of you.

Answer 10

It's easy to blame the other woman. I say leave her alone. It's your husband's and your business alone.

Don't write her. Leave her alone. It's your husband's problem not hers.

EDIT I presume the fact that 16/17 told you to leave her alone and ALL of us got a thumbs down meaning you were just looking for someone to tell you that you are right. You already have your mind made up.

You can do whatever you want. But you asked what we think, and we told you.

Answer 11

Problem is you may not seal it but open the wound.

It is helpful to write these things down however. Abe Lincoln used to write letters to people he was upset with but never send them. After his death a whole pile of such letters was found. I have done this frequently however I usually end up deleting the letters after a time because i have worked through it.

Good luck, and sorry to hear of your troubles.