feeling like my lifes meaningless... =/?

Question

People just dont understand what its like to be me. I have this very happy exterior and people think of me as the sweet, sometime shy/quiet, nice girl in the class, whose just nice and happy to everyone. And dont get me wrong, sometimes i feel sort of happy but lately i just feel like my life is just not anything. I mean ive got 2 really good friends that i get to see out of school, and then some talking-to-in-class friends, that i dont hang out with out of school. So as far as my social life, its not exactly the best, but im somewhat fine with the people i talk to, even if thats all it is. But my school has gotten rid of the entrie honors program, so its just AP and regualrs. I used to think i was pretty up there with my grades and i was in all honors, but i cant handle the AP classes, so im only in 1, the rest are regulars. Now im terrified of how low ill be compared to some kids who are taking seriously about 5 APs, and i have always thought i wuold get into this realy good school..

.. but with like 800 kids in my grade and only a 96 unweighted, which wont go up too much weighted im guessing, i really feel like maybe im just lazy and should have pushed myself harder. And to top it off, my love life i a messsss. The thing is, ive been told by adults that i am like breathtaking, and theyre always saying how they think guys must be lining up at my door. but the truth is that no guys ever liked me. And no one my age ever says im pretty, so my self esteem is not too high. i mean i see these girls who are getting boyfriends and it kills me to see it. But im happy with the way i live socially, so i dont want to be partying and stuff. And even if i did, ive been seriously like in love with this one guy for like 3 years and never spoke to him, i know pathetic. and i know i will never get over him until he graduates this year, because seriously ive tried to like other guys and i cant. see what im saying, everthing in my life is just not working for meeee =/

Answer 1

Lucky for you, I can see why. Right away you've got to very conflicting purpose's in an other wise purposeless life, which WOULD led to depression. But its not because your not normal, its actually because YOU are normal, but lets get to this. Seems you've got a purpose in your life to become an accomplish academic, excellent but your not doing it from your heart, your just getting pride out of it, which is whats truely hurting you. Your not doing it for any other reason, then its expected, and the reason I know that, because your not taking it seriously!! Now for the other purpose thats really screwing you, your trying to get yourself a boyfriend, you feel the same need as everyone else to belong, you need it, you just don't know how to do it. So its actually a conflicting purpose in itself, where you beat yourself up on two fronts, not having enough friends, and not having a boyfriend, CONFOUNDED by the fact that you have insecurities about the way you look. Listen sister understand ALONG time ago churh was the center of our purpose in life, we can't have that with the same intensity, nor will it truly conform to the understanding and knowledge that we have at this point. You didn't ask for your fix, I could help you thru that because it envolves taking a path of self-discovery (real hands off for me) and striving EVERYDAY TO YOU DIE, to understand your objective world, your reality. See without religion we most turn to ourselves more then ever to find a righteous path, that puts alot on a human. BUT if you would actually LEARN SOMETHING FROM WHAT YOU F'IN LEARNED IN SCHOOL YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE ASKING ME THIS!!!! NOR IF YOU LEARNED STUFF FROM THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU!!! I know its hard, its lonely, but I had no help and I found my purpose, if you need it, I'm here for you, becuase I almost lost it to my own ignorance so many times. But realize most of the people around you or sheep, they simply follow each other, going thru the motions of liFe, just as lost, insecure, and selfish thinking as you. When the fact is we need to be SHEPARDS!!! With purpose, confidence, and a selflessness to help everyone and everything around us, because that is our purpose, that is what your missing..... I can help you find that path, if not, I wish you luck, because not finding this with help or by yourself, IS GOING TO BE THE SOURCE OF ALL YOUR WOES AND YOUR PAIN.... sorry I didn't make this truth, I simply fall into it.....