What would be the opening line of your international bestselling novel?

Question

Mine would be:

'For fifteen years Senilla had wandered in a miasma of despair, but it was on this day, the fourth of August 1926, that she would discover the true extent of her unfathomable unhappiness.'

Answer 1

Actually, those verbs are in the active voice. Passive voice would be "that the true extent . . . would be discovered by her." "Wander" is in this case an intransitive verb and thus cannot be written in the passive voice.

"Had wandered" is the past perfect tense. "Would discover" is supposedly present perfect progressive, but I had to look that one up!

The first sentence of my international bestselling novel would be something like this:

"Get out of the way!"

Or:

Maggie slipped inside the coat closet when she heard someone coming.

Or:

Jonathan stared at his brother in disbelief.

I like books that start with action or conflict of some sort.

Answer 2

You should take the passive voice out. It would make your sentence much stronger. You don't need "had wondered" or "would discover." They are passive voice and any decent editor would red pen them immediately. An editor would also question "miasma". You are writing for the masses - and if someone opens your book and is lost in the first sentence, they will put it back down and not buy it. Having a great vocabulary only proves you are good at the Sunday Times crossword puzzle. How many times in our life have you actually used the word "miasma'? Probably none. Talk to your readers. Tell them a story in your own voice - not in the voice you "think" an author should have. The closer you get to your own voice, the better an author you become. Pax - C

Answer 3

Maybe something like, "Lizzy smacked the palm of her hand against the desk, knowing it would do no good. Her father was dead and nothing would bring him back."

Answer 4

One day I fell asleep and I never woke up

((Credit given to *crookedsixpence at Deviantart))

Answer 5

"Call me Ishmael."