what next?

Question

Ok so me and husb have been thru counceling 2gether and now we started indivd councl....after one session, He says he wants to seperate and then divorce.....I have no reaction to it...kinda of happy to be free but scared as hell to be free after 12 years... so wht the next thought, step... I have 3 children, live in a state with no family or friends.no job except a at home mom,..and he controls all the money.... what do I need to do...I cant think.....

Answer 1

First, gather a support system. Make some new friends. Look on here for someone in your area! You'll need someone to keep you company when you're lonely, make you laugh, get you going when you're in a slump, and you DON'T need it to be a man right now. GET A JOB. I hadn't worked in two years when I got my divorce after 10 years of marriage. I started out doing reception jobs, etc, working my way up until today, I'm glad to say I have a good job as an HR advisor! YOU can do it! Work on your body. Nothing to get you going like making yourself over with a sexy new look!
Get a hobby. Keep yourself busy. DO NOT pull the shades and sulk no matter HOW much you want to. It delays your healing. You will get half of his assets, and that includes his money, whether he likes it or not if you're in a community property state. If he has none to speak of, as was my case, you have to make sure you get a good child support so you can take care of your kids while you get on your feet. You may need state help with that, and that's okay. Start checking into your state aid RIGHT AWAY! Take it one step at a time girl. First thing is, you need a way to support yourself, so get to looking! Good luck!

Answer 2

Be glad to be rid of him because you are not going to change his mind, only he can do that. You need to do the following:
1) Express to him that you are upset and very scared. This will make him go easier on you. Thereafter, keep your mouth shut. You want damage control. Don't mention money; he will think you're going to take everything and he'll try to beat you to the punch.
2) Make an appointment to see a lawyer. The lawyer will let you know where you stand and what to do regarding finances.
3) Make a list of everything (tonight) that you want to keep; personal items, antiques, etc. for the lawyer.
4) Relax and regroup. You will find that you can clear your head in a day or so.
5) Make a list for the lawyer of what you'd like so far as custody and visitation. This is hard and I feel for you but it needs to be done.
6) In 3 or 4 days, he may come back and tell you he spoke too soon. You should try to listen with a clear head.

Answer 3

well.. first of all... you do need to think. You need to start thinking for yourself. You said that you are an 'at home mom' and that 'he controls the money' and now your asking for random advice on the internet on what to do.

You need to get control over your life. If the marriage is bad and counseling ain't working, then get out of it and move on. When I say move on, I'm not saying go out and find another man to 'take care of you' but to put your life togther.

Get a job, set up a seperate bank account, starting working on living your life as you want to and with you in control. I'd suggest you open yourself a bank account today... with out the soon to be ex knowing about it and start funneling money into it. You are going to need money for an attorney and DO NOT let him convince you to use the same attorney. DO use an attorney because if he controlled things as you indicated, he's not going to want to give up any financial support.

Good luck and I hope this helps!

Answer 4

first you need to see an attorney for matters such as child support, alimony, and the like. He has all the money now but with the right attorney you will hopefully be given enough to get you by until the children are old enough that you can try to get some type of job to support yourself. If he doesn't contest it, you may even be able to move back to whatever state your family and friends are in, but all of this should be discussed with a good attorney.

Answer 5

Sorry to hear. It sounds like this was coming for a time. It seems to me after one session with the consular he comes and tells you. So this must have been the advice from same.

Well, I know its scary but it always works out, so I hear. He may control the money, however, you have rights to share in the wealth--what ever it is. You also will have the right for him to pay child support. So your not going to be left without resources.

The harder part, for me, would be the emotional pain of the loss that has to be grieved.

When you need to go, if you are the one to go, go with family--they will understand. Move to where family are. You will need them, likly.

God bless and good luck

Answer 6

Move to where your family is just for a while. You will need their emotional support. until you figure out what to do.
Talk to a lawyer as far as finances go with the divorce & you will have a better idea of what you need to do for money.

Good Luck. It's a hard time, but you will make it through. There is a light at the end of the tunnel

Take care

Answer 7

First of all you need professional counsel not here. You are headed for divorce you just don't want to face it. Yes you are in a sad situation but sympathy will not pay the bills. Get a good lawyer your going to need it.

Answer 8

if this relationship is not working, I understand you too are happy to be out of it.. About all the rest, it is nomal to be confused right now, but,, he'll have to pay for the kids, you may get a job.. it'll all be ok. I wish you luck.. and just follow your way.

Answer 9

You have to get on your feet....fast. Of course, he'll have to pay child support...and maybe spousal support. But that won't be enough to survive. You have to get a job. Hopefully he's man enough to help out with child care until child support takes over....

Answer 10

try an find a job first of all men idiots they want you to depend on them then kick you to the curb he does have to help with the kids thats a good thing but good luck