My wife had an abortion without my knowledge?

Question

Awhile ago my wife of three years and I decided to have a child, I always have dreamed of starting a family and from what she has told me over the years it seemed like she did aswell. So it had been several weeks into the pregnancy and I had to do one more small business trip and then I would be taking several months off to support her. When I got back from the trip though, my wife confessed to me that she had an abortion while I was away. ( Before this she had never mentioned anything about getting an abortion or even being depressed about the pregnancy. ) I was very disturbed that she would do this to our child without even talking to me about it. I have tried to not let this effect our relationship but I havent been able to look at her the same way since she did this. She has also been very cold to me since I have gotten back. Did I do something wrong? :(

Answer 1

If you look back over my Answers here, you will find that I have said, more than once, that I don't believe I would leave my wife even if she cheated on me. However, if my wife did what yours did, I honestly don't think I could stay with her -- what a betrayal!

On the other hand, it is possible that she was pregnant by a man so physically different from you that she figured she'd better get an abortion so you wouldn't know she had cheated on you. That's the only explanation that makes even a little sense to me.

Answer 2

Having an abortion must be a terrible ordeal. Even if at the time she thought that it was the best thing, the after effects are still as real as the act that she did. She is being cold to you because deep down she knows what she did was wrong and that this was a very fatal mistake; One that she will have to live with for the rest of her life. In an unexplained way, she might even blame you for the decision she made just so she can find a scapegoat for herself. This route is much easier than accepting the fact that she killed her own child. When she comes to term with the decision she made, its going to hit her real hard, but for now she is still rationalizing.

It is quite normal for you to feel the way you do about her now, afterall, what she did was really devastating. However, let God be her judge and do not blame yourself for what she did. This was not your fault. She had a choice and she made that decision by herself. You are not to hold yourself accountable.

When she comes to her senses, try and be there for her. It will be hard but she will need you. Sometimes you just have to play the hand that life deals you.

In the meantime, both of you should seek professional grief counseling and ask God's (Jesus) forgiveness together. This will at least give her the opportunity to realize that she is not alone. Seek professional help please

All the best
God bless

Answer 3

To be honest honey I believe your wife has a secret of her own to tell! First of all, your away on business so that you can come back and support her and the baby and she tells you she had an abortion sounds like somebody is not telling the truth about the matter. I believe your wife was pregnant by someone else and to hide it from you she aborted the baby while you were away so that you would not ask questions as to why she wanted to do it. Secondly, why is"SHE" being cold towards you when you did nothing wrong, which further let's me know she is hiding something because she has no right to be angry at all to say the least...If I were you I would seek counseling because she needs help....She has no respect for you as the head of the household because if she did the decision that she made would have never crossed her mind without at least letting you know what's going on before not after the fact. Your a strong man honey....Pray about the situation and ask for answers...Good Luck

Answer 4

You should be asking her if you did something wrong....It was very wrong of her to get an abortion without telling you....she could have lied and said that she had a miscarriage.....Why she even confessed looks suspicious....are you sure that there isn't someone else? And possibly she wants a reason to end the relationship that you have with her? You did say that you would be taking several months off to support her....she wouldn't be able to come and go if you were always around...sorry if I offended you...but I don't know your wife....it was just a thought.

Answer 5

I don't know what u did wrong but even so it sounds like she does not love u and is obviously confused about staying with u!! She sucks for having an abortion the child has no fault sorry 2 tell u this but my cousin did the same thing with her husband and she told me it was because she no longer loved him and was planing on leaving him with someone at work. They r both my friends and I still keep in contact with him they r no longer together and he still cant forgive her 4 taking his child from him. Leave her she is not good wife material...

Answer 6

No you did not do anything worng, but she thinks that you will ask her for another child. Not all women are cut out to be mothers and unfortunately you wife is that woman. If being pregnant mad her depresses, her potpartum depression would be horrible. She would regret having a child. I hate to tell you this, but if you love her and want to be with her, then you should give up the idea of having a child.

Or it could be someone else's child and she could not bear you raising it. She could not live that lie forever. But you know your wife better to make such a judgement.

Good luck.

Answer 7

how awful. if it were me, that would be a big big red, real red flag. not sure if i could love someone like that any more, not sure if i really know who this person is, not sure if what she's been telling me all these years is the truth......be totally confused. it's not you - it's her not being honest with you about something. not in love with you, married you for the wrong reasons, really doesn't want kids, who knows. but you aren't getting a truth and it has now reared it's ugly head thru an ugly procedure. yuck. you need to get to the bottom of this if the truth is that important to you. otherwise, her actions have said enough. you have to decide if it's OK with you to continue to be with her and keep looking the other way. i couldn't do that. good luck.

Answer 8

If you are giving us the "whole" story then no sweetie you did nothing wrong and I am so sorry that this happened to you! You have to decide for yourself but I cannot imagine someone killing my child and then still being with that person. Is there any chance the baby wasn't yours? There really is no excuse for her act except pure selfishness and for her to be cold to you is ridiculous and only displays further her selfishness. That or she is feeling incredibliy guilty for the murder of her child (which she should) and I would still not want to risk creating another child with this woman only to have her do this again. Abortion is sick, sick, sick...

Answer 9

I am so sorry about your situation. I couldn't fathom how you feel. There is nothing that you did wrong. Your wife must be going through a very hard time in her life. There has to be communication between the two of you. You may need to go through counseling or maybe even talk to your pastor. This is a real shock....I can't even think of what else to do, but it has to be more than meets the eye........

Answer 10

you didn't do anything wrong, it is very rare to find guys like you. women just talk/plan about having a family and then getting an abortion b/c she may be in shock. did this break your trust w/her? you need to talki to her and ask her why this is very serious wrong doing on her part.

i don't; understand why women get depressed after they have children, they were the ones decided to have a family, they can't turn back now, people need to learn to manage their time better w/kids. i have seen people who manage well and was totall;y ready for kids,never seen a sign of depression.