Women who choose to be housewives...Does waiting on your man make you feel like a servant?

Question

Or less than a person?
I do ALL the housework, while my man works...fix his breakfast, coffee, make his plate at dinner, etc.
What I get in return: He takes me totally for granted, and the only response I get is when something is wrong, or he wants to complain, or when he wants me to do something else for him.
Since when does housewife=servant?
Any other ladies out there in the same situation, and if you are, how have you dealt with it?

I have a job....I also help him with his home based business...so I am EASILY putting in a 14-16 hour day, EVERY DAY.

Answer 1

I know there are other women in the same situation, my wife is one of them. We've talked about it, it gets better for a while, then it reverts back to "normal".

In my own defense, the same is typically happening to the guy. We're expected to go to work, earn a living, get promotions, work overtime, and all that sort of thing and the typical "thanks" is about the same as you're getting.

Try understanding your husband's point of view, and talk to each other. Asking here isn't going to improve anything, and without some degree of respect and communication between the 2 of you, you're doomed to continue on the path you're already on.

I'm not always the most supportive husband, my wife is not always the most supportive of me. But we both recognize the problem and continually work to improve ourselves.

Answer 2

I don't think being a housewife makes a woman feel like a servant. If the husband treats a wife like a servant she feels like a servant. If your man is appreciative of what you do for the family, if he's expressive and tells you how thankful he is, why would you ever feel like a servant?

It's when people take a woman for granted and expect things to happen, that's when they begin to ignore the value she brings home.

I know you ask this of woman, but being a guy I can tell you that it all comes down to how much a man can be a man in the way he treats a woman right.

Answer 3

Nope, not at all. In marriage, its all give and take to make it work out fine. Just remember that your husband is working to support both of you. Doing these things shows you that you love your husband, and youre serving him as a wife SHOULD do, and dont confused it as a servant's job. Your husband works all day, and he must be tired when he gets home.Let him give about 10-15 minutes to settle before you talk to him, that way, he has already relaxed.
The best advice is you two should have a good communication, means a good sender and a receiver, to have your message be fully understood.I didnt feel like a servant at all when i was doing this to my husband, because, he didnt let me feel that way at all. In fact, i was happy doing it for him, no regrets at all, because i love him so much, and if i have to do it all over again, i will. Thats a good wife's job.
Do not listen if some people may tell you youre husband is treating you like a servant.Only you and your husband should talk about it,and your loyalty should remain, no matter what, ONLY to your husband.

Answer 4

I think your man needs a wake up call. There is nothing wrong with being a housewife, in fact I think for the right man and if we have children I might want to consider it. However, your man does not appreciate the work and effort that you are putting into the household. I would challenge him to a week of doing what you do, or even for you to take a couple days off and let him fend for himself. If that doesn't wake him up, try counseling, and if things get worse, consider a separation. Being in a relationship where you feel undervalued will only damage you in the end. Let your husband know how it feels when he complains instead of complimenting, but don't let him continue to make you feel like crap. Good luck.

Answer 5

There is a certain group of people where one partner submits to the other totally, in the way a housewife does, from love for the other partner. This is the Dom/sub or Master/slave relationship. Sounds like your man expects that sort of response from you. But it needs to be something you both agree to. If you don't, then you must let him know.

On the other hand, why did you agree to be a housewife anyway? Why don't you get a job, so you can point to that and say "We both work" as an argument?

If you don't want him to carry on treating you like a doormat, you need to get some independence by getting your own income. If not, eventually you will feel so bad about this, you will have to leave him or go nuts, and then you will need to find a job anyway.

Answer 6

I am a stay at home mom of 3 and I have a husband. I also started going to an online college. I feel that same way! I work as much as my husband, just differently. I am also tired of feeling like a servant. In his eyes I will never do as much as him. Men are pigs. They mostly think women are her to serve them. I do not sit on my butt all day and do nothing. I would love to have a day like that! Three kids I pushed out, and he complains of a kidney stone! Ok you hurt for an hour. Try 12 hours in labor, not to mention the 9 months it took to get to that point. I have no sympathy! If I was treated better, I might have some, but right now, I do not!

Answer 7

well a housewife is a servant.she serves the entire family her entire life with no vacations or weekends off.she is the maid the gardenner the nanny the husbands whore the cook and the delivery girl.that being said one should never mistake the word servat to mean the same as the word slave.house wifes CHOOSE to serve our men because our service is acomodity they desire and deserve.if your husband isbeing an *** tell him your taking a months vacation and do anything for him.he will start having to think about all the things u do right 4 him and ***** less about your services lacking in the future.if he asks u 4anything just cheerfully cry out wile walking away "this housewife is currently on stay at home vacation till the end of the month her services will be unavailable till then" be sure and give your husband 2weeks notice just like with any job so he can have time not hire a maid because he doesnt think u will do it to him.wen complains sweetly remind him u gave him 2weeks notice!

Answer 8

I'm really sorry you're spouse is taking you for granted. I've been blessed with one who is very supportive of me and loves me being a homemaker.
He chips in with the vacuuming (he's pickier about it than me!)
He does the dishes after I've cooked dinner for us.
He would like me to get up and make his breakfast, but I tell him to keep dreaming! 6:30 is early enough, I'm not getting up at 5!!
He can be rather nit picky about cleaning... he is more likely to notice what hasn't been done, rather than what I have gotten done. But, we're both working on that one!

Perhaps have a sit down chat with him... let him know how you're feeling. Make a list for the day and show him all you have accomplished when he starts to complain. Remind him of the money you are saving by not having to have a work wardrobe, lunches out, dinners out (cause you're too tired to cook!), daycare money you're not spending, etc. And let him know that you're not the hired help, 'cause he couldn't afford you!

Good luck!! Hugs!!

Answer 9

Wow, and you totally are not treating him like a servant either or like your slave to go out and work and make all the money. You do ALL the housework and he work for ALL the money to keep the house and the car and anything else. But you can not see that, can you? You do not see that he works and does not complain that you are home. The housework is YOUR work, since that was your choice to stay at home, and he works outside of the house to ensure that there is food on the table and the house is paid for, etc, that is HIS work. You both benefit from his work and the money brought in, but from the sounds of it you want him to work and you to do nothing. What is wrong with some women these days? Especially North American women, who think that the world owes them something. Get off your high horse and realize that he works and that you should. Or maybe you need to go and get a job and then hire a maid to do all the housework, and then you can see what working for a living is like.

Answer 10

I stayed at home 13 years and did all of the housework and raised our child. I didn't do anything I didn't feel was my responsibility tho.

But after after a certain amount of work each day I became just as much of a sloth as him. I did my own thing.

It sounds like you are married to a guy who is possibly a bit of a jerk. Ask yourself "would I be better off without him?" Maybe not.

Hopefully you are able to stand up to his absurd demands and say "Ya know what, I am quitting my servant job. I'm just going to work around the house."

he will say, "Go get a job then."
you say, " Nope."

Make sure you are contributing tho. You signed up for this.

Good luck.