For women in specific, but men can answer two.. If you were in a situation in which you were being rejected?

Question

or "dumped", and you asked for a reason.. Would you be more hurt/bothered/heartbroken if they said your "flaw" was personality wise, or would it bother you more if they rejected you due to your appearance? Why?

Amanda-who says that I'm not looking for answers? I want peoples' opinions, I like to hear both like and opposing views from mine. Is this really wrong, have we come to the day where someone who has the will to learn is considering wrong?

Btw, by rejection, I don't only mean being dumped. It can also mean someone saying no to you for a date/high school dance/ out to dinner/etc.

Answer 1

It would hurt LESS if it was personality related---that would mean I have control over it and choose to be that way. Physical appearance would hurt more because you can't do much about it, unless we're talking about losing weight, you're pretty much stuck with what you got.

Answer 2

I'd be more bothered if the reason was appearance. If I thought someone was worth my time and I asked them out and was rejected due to my appearance, I'd be baffled. I thought they were a better person than that, someone who could see within. Apparently they're just as idiotic as so many others.
If it was a "personality flaw" of mine, I'd rather that they'd stay away from me. Everyone's got quirks or something that someone else might not like but who are you to judge or try and change who I am? So, buzz off. I thought we were tight.

Either way, I think the looks thing would bother me... how can people be like that? I thought we were beyond middle/high school. whatever.

Answer 3

Hmm.

I'd have to say appearance would bother me more.

When I go out with someone I tell them what they are going to expect. I don't plan on changing my personality and I know it draws a lot of people away because I am a control freak, dominant, quick-tempered, anti-humanity, sadist.

And that's the only things I can think of them complaining about personality wise, so I would rather them tell me it was my personality because I expect that.

When it comes to appearance--I do try to look good. I like wearing makeup, skirts, doing my hair. It gives me a certain power over people that is indescribable. So if I lost that then I'd feel pretty down, but I could always change it.

Answer 4

If? This happened a lot when I was single. Whenever I was dumped, I look back on it now, and it was all excuses anyway. The guy in question just wasn't into me, and wanted to move on, therefore told me there was something wrong with me, to justify himself.

I remember back, the dumping was what hurt, not any cockamamie reason he gave. I guess it would be worse to be told it was a personality trait. I used to "reinvent" myself to suit whatever guy I was dating, so when my real self showed, it was sometimes a shock.

If he said my appearance was the problem, it wouldn't make sense, because I looked the same when he first met me.

Answer 5

I would be more hurt if they cited a personality flaw instead of having a problem with my body. I'm kind of unsure of myself a lot of the time, and I try to be a good person, but I still feel like I'm groping around in the dark a lot of the time. That's why it would hurt to hear that there's something "unappealing" about my personality -- because I'm trying so hard to be a good person and, according to them, failing at it.

Not to sound arrogant, but I know I'm good looking, and I have confidence in that. I won't work myself into hysterics because someone else thinks that my hips aren't the "right" shape or something. That's why a knock at my body wouldn't faze me as much.

Answer 6

Interesting question. I have no personal experience in that area. However, if I did, I would not ask for a reason why. World is a very large place, it is full of different people. Some of them would absolutely love you, but not everyone. And it should be good enough for you. I know who I am. So opinion of other people are just that: opinions. No one but you can make any difference in your own life, unless you give them that power. Do not give anyone power to hurt you sweetheart.

Answer 7

I wouldn't be offended by one more than the other. Personality you can change but it becomes increasingly difficult as you get older and it can take years to change this. Physicality can be changed within a few hours if you have the money or even a few months if you have enough time for exercise. Either way it all refers to something about 'the self' which is flawed.

Answer 8

If it were someone I really liked, or even loved, I'd be upset either way. If they don't like my personality, or the way I look, I can't change either much. Yes, I can dye my hair, lose/gain some weight, act a little more/less mature, but on the inside, I'm still me, and if they don't like me one way, than they don't like me at all, do they? So basically, for me, both are heartbreaking, but you get over it in time because... Well, it's just annoying to deal with something until you can let it go.

Answer 9

It would bother me more if they rejected me due to my appearance. The reason being that I'm very self conscious of how I look, both with my hair and the way it's done; my makeup, because I have a lot of acne problems; and especially my weight in relation to my height. My husband feels that I look terrific, no matter what my size.

Answer 10

Hmm, never been dumped before... Hard to base it on anything.

In either case, I would know it's just a matter of compatibility. Everyone has flaws. It's just a matter of finding someone that fits well with yourself.