The fact I am about to ask this is basically an answer to my question, but I would like an outside opinion.
My boyfriend and I have been together just over a year. He has never been affectionate which is completely opposite of me. However, I have expressed to him that I would like him to make more of an effort to notice me. My question is, does the fact I have to ask him to kiss me, hold me, look at me, talk to me, or tell me he loves me, mean he is not interested. It is a literal fight almost daily, because he honestly acts like I'm not there, he always has an excuse as to why he is this way, he knows it bothers me, yet does nothing to change the situation. He is very talkative to other people, and he used to be to me when we were just friends. He swears up and down he loves me, but don't his actions speak for themselves? I love him, but I feel like we're one of those old couples you see that eat dinner in silence, never speaking to each other, ugh.
Any advice is much appreciated.
2007-10-04 08:41:25 · 24 answers · asked by Excellante 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Guys are just less emotional than women. If he says he loves you, he's probably telling the truth; but because he's a guy, he has a hard time showing it through actions.
2007-10-04 08:50:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hmmm...it doesn't mean he doesn't love you, it means that he is a man. Men are conditioned to be warriors, save the world and kill the bugs in your apartment. Hugging and snuggling isn't exactly Jedi behavior. Granted, there are some men who are more in touch with that side of themselves. My boyfriend (thankfully) was raised by a wonderful single mother. He's very affectionate. My ex husband on the other hand was very distant. He was a doctor, very consumed with his work and came at me only when he wanted a little action. But it didn't mean he loved me any less. Talking to him won't change his behavior and when you start trying to change a male, he thinks he can't meet your needs which is the primary reason (according to Dr. Phil) that men stray. If you want to be with this one, just accept him for who he is: a Jack Bauer type. You can 'train' him, though... Whenever he does or says something that really pleases you, say, "You please me so much when you..." He will actually hear, "I am pleasing her! Wow! What a Jedi I am! Kew-el!" And he's more apt to do it again to get the same response. PS: This also works for taking out the trash and picking up his socks off the floor.
2007-10-04 08:53:22 · answer #2 · answered by maggieeld 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is not an affectionate person, and you are, this in itself does not mean he does not love you, though it does make for a mis match between the both of you. Differences between two people such as this one, if go unnoticed will become the cause for trouble later on. Also, it appears your criticism of this has closed him up towards you, which is an indication of resentment slowly growing within him towards you, which will make him hold back even more affectionately. If you feel the relationship is a good one and the only problem is his lack of affection, then maybe therapy will benefit you both. The number one focus for therapy should be his lack of motivation towards being affectionate. There could be a number of reasons why he is uncomfortable being affectionate. I do not feel he is choosing to be this way, I do feel he has under lying issues regarding why he is this way. I do hope you decide what is best for you. Take care and best of luck to you!
2007-10-04 08:57:33 · answer #3 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No he might love you but he needs to realize that
ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THEN WORDS!!
If it's only a year your with him I suggest you move on. He's not a passionate man and if that's the way he is now, imagine how he will be when and if you guys get married and have a few kids? Forgetiabout .. he he
Let him go maybe he's a good friend but not a good companion..
I am married for 6 years and i sleep on the west side and my hubby sleeps on the south side, he was like that in the beginning I should of noticed but I didn't.
So i made it my buisness to go out and find someone that gives me everything I was missing at home, I'm not right in doing this but hey everyone has needs that need to be fullfilled.. I'm just looking out for my happiness, if he wants to hang around and help me with the bills and be cold , that's ok :)
2007-10-04 08:50:51 · answer #4 · answered by LLorona 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel you are getting over anxious about your boy friend.I suggest you not to consider the facts you have mentioned is the criteria of love.There are lots of other ways of expressing love. Living together is one the basic symptom of oneness between you both.Don't irritate while approaching him,might be your wrong feelings causing your irritation forget the behavior and start afresh a maiden love it may help a lot.Do apprise me or our community about the concerned.God bless you.
2007-10-04 08:57:33 · answer #5 · answered by Jayanto M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Out, gone, goodbye. Never settle, sweetie. The only way I can relate is that my BF and I had some issues...he wasn't complimenting me enough, doing sweet things and generally wouldn't talk about the relationship moving forward. We broke up. It took him 4 days to realize how easy it was to keep me happy. We made amends and I'm back to happy in love and moving in at the end of the month. Don't settle. If he realizes you're worth it, he'll come get you.
2007-10-04 08:45:41 · answer #6 · answered by Dr. Kat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If affection matters to you, then why are you involved with such a cold, sterile, distant person?
I'm not saying he's a bad person, mind you. Some people just aren't touchy-feely. But if he isn't giving you the physical affection and closeness that you crave in the first year of your relationship, when exactly do you think he's going to start?
2007-10-04 08:46:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not going to stick up for him but some men are like that. Yes it bothers you and he should make an effort how he'll do that is not simple. It's just part of his makeup and when he swears he loves you it's because he does.
2007-10-04 08:52:30 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He could honestly love you and just communicat his love in different ways as you. Physical affection is just ONE way of expressing love. HOWEVER, even if he does love you, you will never be happy if you don't feel it. Trust me... I have wasted years and years and years WAITING and it only gets worse. It has only been a year, if you are not happy and you have already expressed your wants and desires and nothing has changed move on now!
2007-10-04 12:35:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have acted this way to my wife for longer than i will say.... it doesn't mean he doesn't love u. If you want 2 find this out, try putting some distance between u and him, or play hard 2 get 4 awhile. If u make him bel. the game is real... u will get your answer either way.
2007-10-04 08:47:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋