My husband & I split 11 months ago & have recently been talking about reconciliation. We've been going over our history & have been trying to get to the "friends" level. He's admitted he wasn't a great husband - emotionally abused me, cheated on me when we were trying to work things out, took me for granted when I was at home. He's alienated me from my friends by telling them lies & now they don't talk to me anymore.
This morning, I found out that he has recently struck up something with my former best friend. My 4 year old son was telling me about a sleep over his dad had with his auntie (he's always called her auntie because we were so close) under the same covers. I have evidence to back it up. She has recently left her husband. This is the ultimate betrayal. I'm already hurting over OUR break ups - both of my friend of 20 years & my 10 year marriage. I'm seriously considering telling her husband on Facebook b/c he's still trying to work things out with her. Am I bad?
2007-10-04 08:33:50 · 28 answers · asked by Shannon H 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I admit this would be a bit vengeful...up until this point, I haven't been vengeful at all. I have never forced my side of the story on anybody (which is why my former friends aren't talking to me - they've only heard his sob story). I haven't bad talked him. I haven't spread rumours. Nothing. It is not in my usual nature to be vengeful, but this is the ultimate betrayal. I think her husband has a right to know what they're doing...I wish someone had told me. Too, the Facebook honesty box would allow anomnity.
2007-10-04 08:35:48 · update #1
Just to answer Valerie....no, I am not that stupid, thank you very much! I haven't been that serious about getting back together, but i have entertained the thought. We have 2 children together and we have had very good memories in the past. It's worth it to me if he's serious. If you don't like my questions, don't answer them.
2007-10-04 10:22:10 · update #2
You said you aren't the vengeful type...so stick to it. He'll find out soon enough without you dropping this bomb. Besides...you have a plateful to handle already. Don't complicate it. You have work to do and you don't need any outside distractions to prevent you from achieving a satisfactory goal.
Let it go. She's not your pal anymore and you know know her for the type of person she is. That in itself is worth its weight in gold. Oh..and you know your hubby for what he is too. Or certainally can be. So concentrate on watching him. It'll be a full time job. Good luck.
2007-10-04 08:39:53 · answer #1 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I say yes, but not as an act of vengeance. More like an act of compassion. It seems like the right thing to do... Here she is stringing her husband along allowing him to believe that they are "working things out" , yet she is bed with your ex husband...
The facebook honesty box is genius for this. He would probably want to know (just as you or I would), especially if there is a reasonable understanding of monogamy between them. Your not being vengeful because you wouldn't get recognition for being the "messenger".. which isn't a bad thing.
What he does with the information is out of your hands though, maybe he knows already, maybe he doesn't and won't care when he finds out. Maybe he already has suspicions, who knows.
Bottom line, I don't think "you're bad" I think your normal and if I were in the same position I would tell too, because reverse the roles and I can guarantee that I would want to know so that I could determine that the marriage is in fact dead/dying and I could stop being played for a fool, stop trying to "work things out" and begin mending my heart so that it could possibly be used again one day on someone else....someone more deserving.
Good luck
2007-10-04 15:47:09 · answer #2 · answered by busymum 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The husband needs to know!
Can you find a better way to tell him other than Facebook?! That is kind of immature. Why dont you find a way to call this guy or email him? Telling him on Facebook seems like high school stuff.
This is serious! You need to stand up for yourself and give a big boot up the A*S*S to both your friend and your husband!! Dont let people push you around! It is your life that the both of them are ruining! You need to stop worrying about what your other friends or anybody thinks about you. This is just wrong what your husband is doing, and it is just as wrong for your best friend to be doing this!
You are going to have to do this. Plus, you may need to really look at your other friends and see which ones you can keep and which ones need to get the F out!
2007-10-04 15:42:25 · answer #3 · answered by Mike G 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy. I'd be careful about jumping in the middle of that when you're already in the middle of your own mess.
I'd say you should approach your husband first, and If I were you I'd start seriously considering learning what lessons i could from this experience and looking for friends and lovers elsewhere because it sounds like this is all irrecoverably messed up.
Good luck, and think about whatever you do for at least a couple of days before you act to be sure that it's the wise thing to do and not just your mood.
2007-10-04 15:41:54 · answer #4 · answered by Duck! 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You know... You've take enough from this A**hole long enough. He's had his chances and blew it.. My suggestion to you is it is time to cut the ties that bind and start a new life. So calmly, tell her hubby, because yes he deserves to know, gather a few of your former friends together and quietly, calmly lay out the truth for them. Tell them that you wish things could have been different you could have remained friends but that's life. You need to move on.. Then take the actions that you need to to remove him and all remnants of your life with him from your future. It will be painful but for you to heal and find your soul mate in the future it is necessary. Good Luck to you. You deserve better. Living well is the best revenge!!!!!
2007-10-04 15:43:37 · answer #5 · answered by Praire Crone 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay lets say u have exposed her to her husband then her husband leaves her which is the ultimate thing that she wants because she slept with your husband and indirectly u made things easy for her. That surely doesnt sound like a revenge. Instead if u want to take revenge try getting on with other guy instead of your husband. Your ex might go over girls but ultimately they all leave him because thats not serious love then he sees that u found urself a man who loves u and cares u and then ur ex realizes how big mistake he did by leaving you. That is sweet revenge
2007-10-04 15:40:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't know if its the right thing to do or not, but I would probably tell him, if I were in your shoes. Even if they do reconcile, they will need to work through this as well. You might actually be helping them both by telling him, or you might just be saving him from waisting his time on a cheater. There's a million ways this could turn out, and if you decide to tell him, be prepared for possible blowback.
Good luck.
2007-10-04 15:55:29 · answer #7 · answered by kittiesandsparklelythings 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do whatever makes you feel better. Just rememeber that you have to deal with these people for the rest of your life. So long as your son is in the picture.
How much fun will that be when you have to see her around when you told her husband?
2007-10-04 15:40:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the high road. The evidence you have about his affair with your BF is just more reason for you not to trust him. Stop talking about reconciliation and slap him with divorce papers. That should be revenge enough, plus you will be free of your past and able to look forward to a clean future.
2007-10-04 15:39:31 · answer #9 · answered by mafiosu 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
why would your own husband tell your friends lies about you and why would he eagerly get together with your best friend. there is a word missing here, it is called 'loyalty'.
i am sorry this is happening to you. rather than tell the husband, if it was me, really, i would calmly call her and tell her what i found out and ask her ' what do you think i should do'. try that first.
2007-10-04 21:24:23 · answer #10 · answered by jaded 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋