My husband likes to crossdress. Any advise on how to deal with it?

Question

I have been married to my husband for 5 years and known him for 15. I didn't find out until a couple of years ago that he likes to crossdress. I accept this and give him his space and time to do it. I take the kids and leave for a weekend. However this isn't enough for him. He wants me to be a part of it. How do I get past my uneasiness about seeing him dressed, as I have yet to see him? This is all he has been talking about lately. He desparately wants me to see him dressed. But I don't know that I am ready. Is anyone else going through this?

Answer 1

Using the replies already posted as a reference, it is obvious that you are receiving information from those who are familiar with crossdressing as well as those who are apparently ignorant about the subject, heavily influenced by programs such as the Jerry Springer program, and those who let everyone else do their thinking and decision making for them as opposed to doing the proper research and drawing their own conclusions from what they learn.

Just to clear a few things up for you, just because a male (OR a female for that matter - since there ARE female crossdressers too) is a crossdresser is no indication that he (or she) is gay, or even bisexual. Surveys such as the infamous Bolton/Clark survey are clear indicators that 90% of all crossdressers are totally heterosexual and have no inclinations to be anything else. Interestingly enough, the same 90% figure is also valid for the GENERAL population.

For those who haven't done any research about the subject, there are ever-increasing scientific discoveries which indicate that those who are crossdressers are NOT so by choice. Although numerous theories have been discussed as to what the root causes might be, there has yet to be anything definitely identified as being the main cause. Nurture and nature seem to be the most widely discussed suspicions. There is one very old theory known as the "Hormone Wash Theory" which seems to hold more validity than any other. This hormone wash is a pre-birth occurrence which happens to EVERY child as they are developing and this is where many professionals believe that the propensity to be a crossdresser begins. If this is correct, then there is nothing one can do to avoid it any more than one can avoid being born blind or disfigured.

Now, as to the answer to your original question, it is quite normal for you to have the feelings you are experiencing and I commend you for the tolerance you have shown your husband in the past. You are also apparently a wise person for seeking out some serious answers to the serious questions you have. In your relationship with your husband YOU have certain 'rights of respect' for your own opinions and emotions in the same way that you have unselfishly given HIM the same respect. This is something that he needs to recognize and be thankful that he is among the few who have been given that respect and tolerance. You have a right not to see him crossdressed if that's what your desires are and if he keeps insisting that you DO see him, he needs to understand that it could easily lead to the tolerance you've given him to be withdrawn. IF you are entertaining the possibility of accommodating his wishes, what you might consider is asking him to show you some pictures of himself dressed. This would give you some idea as to what to expect if you decide to see him in real time.

Finally, I would suggest that you give him the link to the website listed below and have him look over the material there. In particular, have him read the pages, "Did you "Win The Battle?", and "Do's and Don'ts". There is a lot of other information there that he (as well as you) might find to be of benefit.

Answer 2

Husband Crossdresses

Answer 3

That would be a hard situation. I agree with you, that I'd be willing to give my husband space (leaving for the weekend)........but to b e a part of it would take more time.

What does he do on those weekends when he is alone and dressing as a woman? Are you worried about the fact that he may be gay? or do you think that it is arousing for him and he wants you to be a part of it?

Be careful about exposing the kids to this until/unless YOU are comfortable.........As hard as it is for you to understand, imagine it coming from a child's point of view.

You are being supportive of your husband, who from reading this post, sounds like your best/good friend too or you wouldn't be so tolerant.

I would probably be turned on seeing my husband dressed up and us role playing, but to know that this is a PART of who your husband is, would make that more difficult.

Can you have a weekend without the kids to hang out at home and tell him to take it slow and let you get comfortable and see what it is that he wants/expects from you. You may like it.........you may be freaked out about it, but if this is who he is, you will either have to accept it or leave..........

Answer 4

This is the man you CHOSE to marry, the man you vowed "for better, for worse" there is no "or" between better and worse it's not an option. Being he is your husband, your partner it could be assumed that you LIKE this person. People that we LIKE are usually our friends. So just view his crossdressing identity as another woman friend and why are you hiding it from the children? Are you waiting for them to find out on their own and being shocked and possibly horrified because no one took the time to sit down and explain it to them?

Answer 5

Hmmmmm.......um...nope...I can't say that this is an experience in life that I've had to deal with and I doubt it'll ever be one.

I think that you're pretty damn understanding and tolerant in his fetish. In fact....it doesn't hurt anything so I commend you for being open minded and understanding. I do feel however that he shouldn't push the issue with you. If seeing him dolled up is something you would prefer not to experince then I think he should respect your desires. Just as you clearly respect his.
Drive this point home to him. Inform you you clearly aren't offended by his CDing and have no problem with him continuing however you wish to be left out of it and ask him to respect your wishes. If he's any sort of a man.....well...you know what I mean...he'll concede.

The best of luck and I respect you for you're handling of this. Bravo madam.

Answer 6

What? Not a single cuckold question during lunch?

Oh thank god right before lunch is over we get a crossdressing one. Because you know, there can never be enough crossdressing and cuckolding questions on yahoo answers.

Whew! That was close.

Answer 7

Oh boy. Personally, I would not want to deal with something like that.

However, you have given him respect and his space to do what he wants, maybe you should ask him to respect your decision to not be a part of it at this time.

Have you both considered some sort of couselling? Perhaps they could help find the reason why he feels he needs to do this.

Answer 8

if your uncomfortable with this, don't indulge him. its one thing for him to do this on his own, but pulling you in when you clearly have issues is selfish of him. i've dated men who did crossdressing, all in fun. not as big a deal, because there were no family (or kids) involved.

Answer 9

He's a crossdresser? No big deal. just get him a boyfriend to go along with his homosexual desires!

Honey, GET OUT of that relationship!

.

Answer 10

It is a hard thing to deal with i would imagine. If its just not your thing what will it add to your marriage? But i guess if you just appease him and see him dressed what harm could it do really? Other then that I would imagine you should take him to Ann Taylor and see what things he likes to wear!