My husband lost his beloved sister this weekend, and we were discussing periods of mourning and what it entails, for example no social gatherings, not going to movies, etc...? I needed some help and want to know what is the acceptable time period, and what activities one should not engage for during this period? I know people mourn in different ways, some go on trips and some year black for a year or so. I guess it depends on the person, their culture, and religion. I feel guilty accepting a friend's dinner invite, but my husband seems not to have a problem if I do accept, or so he says. Any advice would be appreciated.
2007-10-04 07:00:09 · 22 answers · asked by Laura C 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
there is no ettiquete for mourning. you do what feels right. sometimes people try to do things too quickly and they find themselves feeling withdrawn. Others need to get out and move forward to help them cope. The important thing is to listen to yourself and your husband so that you are both going at your own pace.
we buried my stepfather on my birthday. i didn't celebrate my birthday for 3 or 4 years after that.
2007-10-04 07:08:03 · answer #1 · answered by twosey ♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You totally can't put a time limit on something like this. You may mourn longer or shorter than others. It's totally a personally thing. But mourning does not mean that you stop living yourself. Accept the dinner invitation. It will give you and your husband a night for normalcy. No one will think bad of you, and you shouldn't feel guilty. God gave us life to live, and on the heels of someone close dying, that should help you see that time here is precious. You are not dishonoring her death by living. I think it would be more of a dishonor her death made you stop living.
2007-10-04 07:15:05 · answer #2 · answered by HisPrincess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are no official lengths of time any more.
When people are grieving, they tend to not want to be festive, and generally find it jarring to be at parties, where everyone's having a jolly time, and they're grieving.
That's what the whole not doing things is for, really.
So, I see no reason to not go to movies -- though he may not feel like seeing this or that particular kind of movie right now.
If he doesn't have a problem going out -- really doesn't -- then there's no reason he shouldn't.
The whole wearing black thing was about signalling to others that you're in mourning so they know to expect you to not be super-social and jolly.
2007-10-04 09:09:32 · answer #3 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People mourn in different ways. A friend of mine went on with his life after his dad passed away and it didn't hit him until the drive home from work a year later. You just be supportive of your husband. If it's fine to dine with friends with him, then do it. Unless you're a widow who is a visitor from another century, there's no "set" mourning period.
2007-10-04 09:53:23 · answer #4 · answered by maggieeld 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that until you feel 100% ccomfortable going out, being with friends, then stay home.
It's up to you. What you feel is the best, and how you are handling the loss. Sometimes getting out with friends, talking about memories, laughing a little bit can help with that process.
The first year will be the hardest, remembering the holidays and birthdays that she's not going to be a part of.
Just remember, time heals.
Sorry for your loss.
2007-10-04 07:24:20 · answer #5 · answered by jt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the best advice is to go with your heart. If it were me, I would take my cue from my husband. If he doesn't feel like going, I wouldn't go without him. Although, maybe he would like some time alone. Just do what you want to do and be respectful of your husband's feelings, which I'm sure you are. In today's world, people don't mourn like they used to, wearing black and staying secluded, and all that nonesense. We tend to celebrate their lives along with mourning their loss. My neighbor lost her husband in July and not even a month later she was doing things with friends and family.
2007-10-04 07:06:53 · answer #6 · answered by gma 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've taken a human relations class and my instructor told us that everyone mourns in their own way for their own length of time. There are five steps to mourning and until that person has completed them all the mourning is not finished, your husband may have not even began the first step. Advise is to let him do what he feels he needs to do and be there. He may be hiding his feelings.
2007-10-04 07:35:43 · answer #7 · answered by tnca 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to go to a movie, then go....
Your sister in law is gone, and although it's sad and your family misses her, it's not a sin or crime to continue your life.
You can do a search on COPING WITH GRIEF for help and support, also.
Yes, everyone deals with grief differently. Grieving doesn't mean hiding inside the house -- it's VERY healthy to continue with your life, even though you will sometimes still feel sad and think of the person who you've lost quite often.
Wearing black? I think they did that in the dark ages.
Accept your friend's dinner invitation -- i'm sure it will do you and your husband good... and perhaps your friend is inviting you to dinner to be supportive and to divert your attention from the sadness for a while.
Take care of YOU... continue with your life. hugs
2007-10-04 07:09:45 · answer #8 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say it depends on what you and your husband are comfortable with. If you're feeling guilty, then why not just pop over there for dessert or for coffee before hand, rather than staying for dinner? That way, it can be a quieter affair, and your hosts don't have to feel bad if the talk and dinner turns to laughter.
2007-10-04 07:06:21 · answer #9 · answered by mikah_smiles 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your loss. Your husband will mourn in his own way, as will you. There is nothing that you should or shouldn't be doing. I will say a prayer for you and hope that the healing process has begun for all of your family.
2007-10-04 07:04:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋