Marriage Advice?

Question

I have been married for 7 years (together for 10) We both came from troubled pasts (abusive parents, rough childhoods) and have had some bad luck in our marriage as well with-job loss(2 full years), money trouble, health troubles etc. We have two children and like most people very busy lives. My question is that it seems we have lost each other...we don't get along like we used to, we fight, I feel bitter towards him and I am sure he feels the same towards me...neither of us really feels like the other respects the other. One day things are good and the next it's like we barely like each other. I love my husband and I want my family to be happy. Can you give me some marriage advice to try and bring the happiness back into our marriage? What do you do in your marriage to get over the rough spots? I feel lost and like I can't make it work. I want so much to be a great wife and mother. I want my house to be a safe haven for my family....any advice would be helpful. Thanks

Answer 1

I love that you haven't lost the love for your husband and that you still want your marriage to work out...so many people give up so quickly nowadays. I am not married, but sometimes an outside perspective can help things out. I'm not a religious person either, but i read this book that helped me figure out what would make me happy and what would make my boyfriend happy too...it was called the 5 languages of love. It helps you discover what kind of love you enjoy and what your spouse enjoys and you can talk about it and try to figure out the best ways to accommodate each other and make the love come out more often. (i can't believe I'm spouting an ad for a book...).

Nonetheless, revisit the reason you fell in love with him in the first place and don't forget that it's always the little things that count. Best of luck and I'll keep my fingers crossed that you make it to your silver and golden anniversaries as a happy couple!

Answer 2

Talk, talk, talk - in any relationship communication is the most important thing, and when there are tough times it becomes even more important. set aside a time everyday that just the two of you can be alone and talk about things in you live. Try to understand his problems, and he do the same with your problems. Try to set little goals of where you want to be the next day, next week, and next month. It may concern, job, money, or most anything else, but do not try to solve too many things at once. Also have a time with your kids when you discuss things with them, naturally these thinks will be different then what you and your husband will discuss. By discussing your children's issues it will bring you and your husband closer together. Do not, under any circumstance, forget sex, if you are relating sexually you will find it easier to relate on other matters. If you can find any way to finance it get away for a day or two. Find someone to take care of your children, then the two of you do something, anything other then worrying about and discussing your problems - just have some fun. If you can find a way to get go someplace overnight that would be good, if not there are many things you can do near home. Drive to another near by town go through the mall or see a movie. Stay in your own town and do the same thing or anything that the two of you like. If you have a few extra dollars for a meal out try that, or go to MacDonald's and pretend you big mac is the biggest steak in town. Even though you may have bills needing your dollars take a few dollars and spend on the two of you. Getting a new outlook and understanding of each other is really important and may help pay bill in the future. If you continue down the path you are on now and separate money matters will only get worse. So look on it as an investment, do not break the budget but this once put a little dent in it. Work hard, have some fun, see progress, and you should see a turn around soon. Good luck!

Answer 3

This is hard because everyone is different. I think the 1st step would be to talk to him about it, tell him how you feel. Think about what you did, or what was different when you were getting along so well. Do something the TWO of you enjoy, relatively stress free, with or with out the kids. Some people are very into their kids and would rather be with them then without. Take a weekend to your selves, even if you just get someone to keep the kids and you lounge around a home. But that wont even work until you talk about what is going on. Try and find the root of the problem and do your best to fix that. Also think about what the majority of your fights are about. Is it always over the same basic thing. Or dose it seem like your picking at each other and starting fights for no seemingly good reason. What brought you together in the 1st place? One more thing, this is going to be hard. As bad as It may seem for me to say, but just because you want to make things work, doesn’t me he will want to. Have this conversation in common room, when its just the two of you. Try and agree that you will both be honest, and promise not to get mad no matter what is said. Is sounds funny, but handle it like mature adults, and I’m sure you will get over it. 10 years is a long time. Maybe you just need to remind each other how good it can be.

Answer 4

I am on my third and final marriage. I had to kiss a few toads before I figured it out. My husband and I have been together 8 years and married 7. We make it work by communicating. We talk about everything. We hardly ever argue. It's just not worth it.
If we have a disagreement we deal with it and move on. We never bring it up again. Whats the point. We never sweat the little things they ain't worth arguing over.
We always find time to spend together even if it was only an hour in the week at lunch together. We leave each other little love notes to keep that spark going. I put them in his work truck when he isn't looking so when he goes to work there it is.
And most importantly we never go to bed angry with each other we tell each other I love you about a hundred times a day. We'll call each other out of the blue to say I love you. When your having a bad day it really helps.
I hope I have helped. God bless you and your family. Call your husband now and just say I love you! Good luck

Answer 5

Financial stress, health problems, parenting, troubled past....all of these factors are huge contributors to stress. Stress will put a huge strain on your marriage. Growing into a different person is inevitable, you have to make sure it's in the same direction as your husband so you can be a cohesive family.

What has worked for me and my family is to concentrate on what we have and be thankful for it. Compliment your husband every day. Pick a thing about him that you enjoy and focus on it. You need to elevate each other, not bring each other down. It will take time, but you can turn it around.

Do something that you enjoy every once in a while (you are a mom, but you are also an individual). You cannot save your family if you lose yourself. Spend time with the kids AND go out on a date or two with the husband. Pray together.

Make goals for yourself. Reaching them will give you a confidence that will make your life successful. Don't be overwhelmed: set goals in to categories (i.e. this month, three months,twenty years)

But most of all, be kind to each other and stand together as a family. You can do this.

Answer 6

Well honey rough spots are going to happen within a marriage and it's not what you go through but how you get through it. I would suggest you and your hubby have a talk about the things you like about each other and what you miss from one another as well. This will then let each person know what they are feeling and what they need. Make plans to find a babysitter and plan a nice date for you and your hubby. Sometimes when we have busy lives we tend to loose sight of what really matters and that is your marriage. Lastly, honey you are a strong woman and you have been married to this man for 7 years and together for 10 don't you think it's worth working it out......I know you do not want to just let all of the love, and time that you have invested in your relationship to go down the drain. Prayer and faith honey will get you and your husband through the rough spots.Trust me and things are going to only get better from here. Good luck

Answer 7

Communicate with each other. I'll bet if you tell him everything you told us he will want to wipe the slat clean and start a new. Have the talk and then tell him you are planning a romantic evening for this weekend and you would like for that to be your first day of the rest of your life. Good thing to help is EVERY single day make sure you do something nice for your hubby. Even on those days you could twist his neck off. Just writting a "I Love You" note is nice. You two have been through a lot and need a fresh start. Good luck and best wishes...

Answer 8

Suck it up and get yourself a getaway trip for 2 private on a lake, little cozy cottage Thre is a place called Serenity Springs In L:aporte IN. Very nice. Horse drawn carriages, fishing, everything is catered to you. Have time away.People lose each other in all of the crap.
You both need to reconnect. Remeber each other the way you were when life wasn't so hard. I think of it this way, I'm already poor (financially) Whats a couple more dollars.
Get away and be still together.

Answer 9

Does your husband want to stay together? If so, go to counseling. Then both of you relax a little.....a lot. Pull back from your jobs - after all, who on earth ever said when they died "I wish I'd spent more time in the office"? Become light-hearted. Do some fun things together, just you two. Get real close, start kissing again. Talk calmly with each other. Don't clam up. Get even closer, physically and mentally. Pull through. Have fun with the kids. Be frank and communicative forever after.

Answer 10

Sit your husband down and talk to him about the two of you (JUST the two of you -- get someone to take the kids) getting away for a few days. You don't have to go far away or have an exotic vacation, but the goal is to have some time where work, household chores, children, bills, and all that day-to-day crap you have to deal with is not there. The two of you need to work out your differences and "find" each other again, and the best way to do that is by spending all your time together in a setting where you don't have to worry about all the mundane things in life that wear everyone down. Good on you for trying to fix it instead of giving up easily, and I wish you the best of luck.