She said she will move out but her grand ma passed away and she got a cold … Her grand ma died overseas, so I sent a beautiful flower bouquet and I took care of her till she got well. Now it is 2 weekends that she can go and search for an apartment but as I see she is shopping ($1000 clothes, shoes … of course this is her own money) she used to come home at 6:00 pm after work but now she is home after 9:00 pm
I tried to talk to her 2 times after getting the divorce papers but she did not listen, accused me and said unreal things. I asked her to come to the Family canceller and she said: I came to her 3 times but the feed back was not good and I do not believe in counseling (meaning: My way or highway!)
She had some boxes packed all around our small apartment for 3 weeks. Last night finally I put them all in front of her wardrobe. I told her I thought about the papers and I agree with divorce. We should get separated ASAP and go on with our lives.
I realized that she was not expecting this but she has a big ego and said: I will leave as soon as possible. And started accusing me of pushing her!
She always wants to keep me hanging on! Isn’t it my right to ask her about her plan? I bought my house in a week. Can’t she find an apartment to rent (she wants to rent)
I want to know what she thinks… Maybe you have been there my friend… What is all that shopping (I know there is no other man) Why is she procrastinating?
I talked to our counselor yesterday, she told me I gave up my rights in this marriage, she was walking all over me because I never had a back bone… counselor is right, I always accepted whatever she said ... I am a successful businessman, very handsome but with my wife what I did was interpreted as my weakness not love…
I have feelings for her, but for one time I want to stand up because in this relationship I will not be happy at all…I want to know about your experience… she has a big ego, very jealous and controlling…she has good things but knowing the bad side, do you think she will move out?
2007-10-04 05:52:27 · 12 answers · asked by mazyar m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
tell her if she's going to stay, she needs to pay rent
2007-10-04 06:46:06 · answer #1 · answered by twosey ♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does sound like your wife is taking advantage of you. She says she wants a divorce, yet she's still living under your roof and spending your money (all the shopping). Sounds to me like your starting to see this yourself. Your wife thinks she can continue this due to your past behavior (no backbone as you put it). Well, the good thing here is that people can change. Stand up to your wife and cut her off. She served you with the divorce papers. She packed up some of her stuff. She said she'd leave. Give her a time limit (24 hours, 48 hours, - whatever you think is fair at this point) and, if she has any, take away her c/c. It's not your job to support her if she doesn't want to stay married to you. I know this harsh, which is totally against my nature. At first there was a part of me that thought she might be torn about whether or not she really wants the divorce. But, her refusal to see a counselor with you says otherwise. It doesn't sound like she wants to work things out - it only sounds like she's seeing how long you'll let her continue walking all over you. You deserve better than this.
2016-05-20 23:12:30 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you have an apartment you are obviously renting so the both of you are on the lease (It is the law in the U.S. that ALL adults sign the lease). So she has as much right to stay there as you do. Keep in mind that IF she moves out without giving notice to the landlord she is still liable for 1/2 the rent, and it will be the same for you if you move without notifying the landlord. You say your wife has a big ego...must match yours "I am a successful businessman, very handsome" That has nothing to do with this topic...your looks and your employment are moot points yet you just HAD to bring them up.
2007-10-04 06:49:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Interesting that your wife "doesn't believe in" counseling -- most people who don't believe in therapy have a general fear about facing their own issues, and the TRUTH about themselves. Therapy brings up a lot of painful feelings, and i believe that is the reason many people refuse to go.
Meanwhile, i hope you continue to go and expend the effort it takes to feel better about YOU and your life.
I understand you still have feelings for your wife. That is very understandable... but just because you love her, doesn't mean she is good for you, or that a relationship with her will work... Your wife seems self-serving and a little controlling.
When i was getting a divorce, i did move out, but found out that the marital home was mine to live in until the divorce, if that was what i wanted. Maybe your wife is putting it off because she doesn't want to do the work it takes to move? It's hard to tell what she's thinking.
I hope it works out. take care of YOU! that is the best you can do.
2007-10-04 06:03:19 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like she likes keeping you under her thumb. and the longer she waits to move the more money she has to spend on cloths shoes and such. Most woman like to shop at a break up so they look their best to find a new man. From the personality you described she knows this is driving you nuts she knows you have noticed her coming home later and she is probably getting a kick out of watching you squirm woman can be extremely conniving and vindictive I would push the issue of her leaving you are gonna be miserable till she does
2007-10-04 06:08:23 · answer #5 · answered by sweetcavebaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She probably will not move out, if she doesnt need to. Why would she? Would YOU? Have you signed any divorce papers yet?
Since you were already served, consult with a good divorce attny to review her divorce stipulations. Obviously she doesnt need to move out per such. Thus you may want to make some changes in her divorce papers. (thus the attny consultation) It doesnt sound as tho anything has progressed if you've taken no futher action. You DO need to participate before changes are put into affect.
2007-10-04 06:08:33 · answer #6 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I give you kudos for continuing counseling...it takes time but it does help. As far as the lady, she is taking you for more than what you have materialistically or financially right now...she's trying to break you down emotionally. She sounds like if she isn't happy, then no one isn't happy type people. You should consult your lawyer and find out what steps you need to make to protect yourself in the long run. It's all about you now...she has made it all about her for too long.
2007-10-04 09:02:41 · answer #7 · answered by urawhat21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why don't you just move out you said you live in a small apartment or a house
she is not going to move because she has shown you that already. its either that or go to court and make her move by a certain date
and yes you have a back bone your just not using yet
dust off the cob webs and start using it your a grown man
2007-10-04 06:01:38 · answer #8 · answered by summerbliss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you legally own this house in your name and your name only and was it acquired PRIOR TO the marraige??? If so, then yes you can make her move out...if the answer is no, a judge can decree that the family dwelling be sold and the profits split
2007-10-04 06:00:43 · answer #9 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get your own attorney and get her out of the house. Be a man not a doormat!
You need to step up here. She is using you.
Yes, she is still controlling you. Stop letting her.
Good luck and be happy that she that she will be gone!
2007-10-04 06:09:51 · answer #10 · answered by Tadpoler 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd put her boxes outside that way she can see that you are serious. She'll probably be pissed off and throw a fit......but it'll be the perfect time to "STAND UP" and not let her walk all over you.
She'll be kicking herself in the *** for ever filing for divorce.
2007-10-04 06:41:44 · answer #11 · answered by luckystar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋