It seems like nothing really is going right with my life latley. My husband just dosn't love me anymore and pretty much told me that. He is sleeping on the couch for the past few days without any good reason, and told me that he wants a break from me. He told me that he can't turst or respect me, because I was with somebody else before him. He believes that I'm still in love with my ex, who I dated 6 years ago, one year before I dated my husband. I don't know how he gets this idea, I don't even think of my ex or speak of him ever. I always loved and respected my husband. I feel so down and unworthy right now.
2007-10-04 05:41:05 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I understand your pain dear, depression is common but its not normal to wish for a car to hit you. I know it can be pretty harsh and hard when life turns it ugly pages against us.....but we should never give up. quitters never win and winners never quit. You must not die a loser.....but if at all you have to die, then die as a hero.
My dear, i don't know how long you've been married. But will like to let you know that marriage requires hard work. Its not for the weakest of hearts though the weakest of hearts can become giants at heart with determination....smile! Marriage is a school, or you call it a book. It has pages/classes. Some very pleasant, some very unpleasant. Plz, be strong and hang in there. There's no marriage without problems/difficulties.
Marriage is for partnership, its for companionship, etc. The two becomes one....and i bet you, the process of becoming one is not an easy one. But you can make it. A weakness in a partner is not a disqualification for marriage but rather a reason for marriage. Your husband needs you and vice versa. Look at that poor thing, sleeping on the couch. He needs you dear, he needs your love/affection, care, respect, etc not your nagging, criticisms, condemnations. You can change your marriage even if you are the only one working on it. Someone must always take the first step, don't give up if results don;t come quickly. The truth is that we humans don't know how to resist true love. Your husband won't be able to resist if your attention, love/affection, care, etc are honest.
You are able to make your husband love you again. Your response to his attitude is very important. Don't push him further but rather bring him back. We women, have power but sometimes use it the wrong way and then blame others for the outcome. And one more important thing, i hope you took the whole package......"For better or worse........?
Dear, if i may ask, are you a Christian? coz the absence of God in one's life can be catastrophic. I've learn in life that true and total fulfillment, satisfaction comes from God and not from man. I depend on God more for emotional fulfillment rather than my husband. There are times he fails me and vice versa but the strength we both receive from God keep us and the marriage going. Giving your life to Christ can be the best thing you ever did. God is real as well as His unconditional love and grace. Our arguments and beliefs cannot change what has been establish by God.
The one who created you knows how to heal those wounds better and best. Jesus said "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" Mathew 11:28
Cheers!!!
2007-10-04 06:59:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Firstly don't worry, you're not alone, most people go through a phase of not fitting in or having too much bad luck and too much stress to deal with. When I was at school I kind of felt the same way as you, actually I was a self-harmer (something I don't recommend) but now I'm really happy and enjoying life (I'm 25). Thing is no matter how hard life can be at times it can always be much better after the storm. You need to change the situation you're in. Are you sure you don't have any friends at school? Thing is it doesn't matter really how popular you are or how many friends you have, you just need to find that one good person who you can relate to. Why not have a house party? Ask your mum if you can invite some girls round for tea or go swimming or to the cinema together, even if you arent all that close to them, it's a good way to break boundries. Another good thing I suggest is to find a hobby, go horse riding or dancing or drama and meet new people there.
2016-05-20 23:09:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cant give you a definitive answer of course, who can, because I dont know all of the circumstances surrounding your situation, but I certainly can tell you that without a doubt everyone has or will at some point in time felt/will feel just as bad if not worse than you. Take comfort in the fact that you are not the only one suffering, I know it feels that way but i promise you its not like that. It sounds to me like maybe your husband has something he's not telling you if in fact he's trying to guilt you into saying that you still love your ex when you have absolutely no contact with him. Just take it all in stride and live your life day by day, because ultimately in the end, if you take care of you and yours now then in the future when were all old and retired your husband is gonna kick himself in the behind for being a child and not making bonds with the people in his life who truly love him. Dont be sad, It will get better. I hope I,at the very least, offered you a teensy weensy bit of insight, lol. Remember to smile
2007-10-04 05:51:20 · answer #3 · answered by jess 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No it is not normal to feel the way that you do. It is never OK for your relationship to make you feel suicidal. Would marriage counselling be an option for you? If not and you are being honest that you have done nothing to provoke these fears of his I suggest that you give him the "break" he is asking for. Continue your normal routine and pay minimal attention to his dramatics. Hopefully sooner then later he will attempt to bring the subject up again. Remain calm. Do not get defencive as that can be mistaken for guilt. Speak straight from your heart making constant eye contact. It is possible that your husband has some insecurities & for some reason feels threatened by your ex. Granted these fears of his may not be rational but they are his fears and it is your job as his wife to ease them if you can. Imagine that you were in his place. It sounds like he is feeling unworthy of you too.I wish the best of luck to you. Remeber that marriage is not easy & an argument doesn't always lead to divorce. Even if one of you ends up on the couch.
2007-10-04 05:57:21 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are mildly suicidal. This is a sign of depression. Please see your medical doctor first. He may suggest other counseling. Of course, this is for the short term. For the long term you need to know and accept that what your husband feels about you is fully his responsibility and, from what you described here, none of yours. Let him pout like a little boy. You focus on being the you that you want to be....and you don't need a man (husband or not) to be a fully functional, happy individual. You do not deserve to be treated the way your husband is treating you right now. I'm sorry he is... but you deserve better. Know and live that!
2007-10-04 05:52:48 · answer #5 · answered by Brent 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Girlfriend, trust me on this one. Your man is one of many men who have this kind of attitude. It never gets better, and they never change. He is playing on the fact that your self esteem is already low, and for as long as you are prepared to act like a doormat, he will continue to walk on you.
No point trying to "rescue this marriage". He wont change, and that means nothing will change. If you don't want to spend the rest of your life like this, get out now. Why the hell should you be feeling so low you wish something would happen that would kill you? He is causing you to feel like this and the only reason he is being successfull is because YOU are letting him do it. Get some backbone. Tell him you are not gonna take it any more and you're outta here. Mean it, and do it. There's a good life waiting for you with a better man. But you are going to have to get free of this one and then go and find that life you deserve.
2007-10-04 05:50:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Babe, the car that would hit you would have to be driven by someone. Someone who may have quite a lot on his/her plate already and doesn't need this.
Your husband is probably looking for some silly reason to get a separation. Has something happened which could have led to this?
You need to make him listen and then if he still wants to leave then that'll be his choice and for his own selfish reasons.
There's life after a separation or after a divorce.
Be strong. xxx
2007-10-04 06:05:15 · answer #7 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wanting to kill yourself is kind of normal for depressed people, but you will lose out on the only opportunity to life! Sure it sucks sometimes, but you are sure to have some great times too. If my husband were sleeping on the couch and didn't want to come to bed with me I'd probably take a pillow out and lay on the floor beside him, but I'm totally nuts for my hubby and would do anything to show him that I am totally devoted to him. He is probably insecure about himself for some reason and is using this reason to get you to smother him with reasons he is worthy of you! So give him some! =]
2007-10-04 05:51:52 · answer #8 · answered by tracie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I tell you what you do. you see all this energy you are using being depressed. take that energy and fix yourself up and start going out that house. put on a little lip stick and let that hair down. trust me you will get your husbands attention because he will get worried that you will be attracting other attention. its hard but when someone looks at a person who is feeling depressed it shows on your face,. people will try to avoid you so they wont be depressed. start thinking positve. and even just going for a walk or to the mall, library anywhere besides sitting there feeling bad and down. trust me a smile from you could make some else's day and in turn your day too
2007-10-04 05:49:07 · answer #9 · answered by tippy30 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Sounds like the problem is him not you. It may not have anything to do with your ex. He maybe going through a crises and not sure what he wants. Take care of yourself and not let it destroy you as a person. If you are not healthy you cant help him become healthy.
2007-10-04 05:45:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋