I am not sure if this is the correct category for this questions but if you can help please do!!
I have a close family member who as i know has had a very stable and caring upbringing, she is undoubtedly loved alot by friends and family, has never wanted for anything, unfortunately she has now started hanging around with some people who are heavily into drugs, she has been using Cocaine and is now dependant on it, she has been branded a thief a liar a who** and a drug addicted it has also come to light that she has been like this for many years she asked me to help her which I am happy to do and have been but i have found out today that there is no change gone out had a fix, drunk 18 pints already and that has been laughing about me saying that i am wrapped around her little finger, I dont know what to do. I cant just stop helping!! I have been really horrid, nice, nasty nothing is working!! has anyone got any suggestions please.
Sorry about the massive Question!! x
2007-10-04 04:49:44 · 21 answers · asked by little kitty 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
think - thanks for the input , just to clarify, not really sure how to take your comments!! Other than me going in there and dragging her out by her F***ing hair i dont know what else to do, plus the druggy friends shes got chums with sleep with young girls (15, 16) and the last person who got involved ended up with the back of there head blown out!! So i am shitting myself to be frank about what could happen and what is going to happen but it wont stop me from being there when she is ready!
2007-10-04 05:09:43 · update #1
It is very difficult , situations like this.. You are a very nice person to want and try to help, but there is only so much you can do. you can only advise and try to push the other person into a treatment or something that will help them.. But they have got to meet you part way and actually go on a course or whatever. If they reject your advice and still keep on the drugs or drink you can't do more. Only when their health really deteriorates and their life is in danger will they realise the severity of their situation. At the moment probably not a lot more you can do . It is sad but the person at some point has to do something for them self.
2007-10-04 05:04:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First get the family and friends to gather and have an intervention also if ther is a family doctor try to have him/her there if this person really want help you will be able to help her we have been thru this and have family member in a drug court program now try to get her to go to an AA or Na meeting and go with her for support I am in Florida and if you get arrested by the police for a felony the first time you are offered a drug court program and if you complete it your record is wiped clean the program is 1 year so far our family member is in phase 3 and will be moving up to phase 4 this month and they will graduate in January with a clean record and no cocaine habit. I will pray for you and hope this has helped in some way good luck also don't let this person use you in any way it hurts to have to turn your back on someone you love but an addict will use you lie to you and most of all will abuse you mentally
2007-10-04 05:13:33 · answer #2 · answered by Diana B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my brother is in the same situation. My family has always offered him the best and he had a good up bringing as well. About 4 years ago, he became a meth addict. He steal from us all the time, he has lost custody of his children, he lost his home, his vehicle and his fiancee. He is 34 living at home. He has asked us several times to help him, but he still continues to do the drug. The problem with drug addicts is they want to blame everything and everyone for theyre problems. What they dont realise is the only thing that will make them quit is themself. They have to do it on their own, they have to want to quit, it doesnt matter what anyone else does
2007-10-04 05:14:45 · answer #3 · answered by Babysmom303 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, shes not going to stop until she wants to=)
I mean if her surroundings are all druggy's then
what do you expect? People like you are to afraid
to surround her and ripe her out of that environment.
Take that how you want, play the victim, worry what
others will say for helping another, cry, call me mean
or even rude. Frankly, I care. However, I do have
a careless side to me and thats not giving a what
people say or think. First, It's only an opinion, plus, they
will eventually get over it. Second, everyone thinks!
What should you do? Hhhhhhmmmm, what should
you do?...Just stand there?
2007-10-04 05:00:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's ok about the size of the questy. Your friends needs a big wake up call. Look up "tough love" on the internet. then pack her up and take her to her Mom and tell her in front of her Mom, that you love and care about her and her friendship has meant a lot to you in the past. But that as long as she is an addict, that she can't be your friend.
It's never an easy thing to do as a friend. It's even harder to do as a family member. I've lost two siblings to drugs we weren't fast enough to save them but we got another sibling that was on the same path and were able to save him. I only have my one brother left. My sister and Baby brother are gone.
It's hard but someone has to take a stand. Preferrably before she starts stealing your things to pay for her habit. You've got to be strong and make her see that she's being selfish by expecting you to stand by and watch her drugs destroy her life. It'll be easier to do and be strong if she's confronted with it in front of others who love her too. There are treatment centers that can help her kick the habit. The biggest thing, is her loved ones need to take a united front.
Drugs aren't going to go away if we only stand by and recognize that there is a problem. We have to take an active stand against it for lives that are affected by it. Tell her, "Get help or I won't help you." And mean it. As long as your friend is using drugs, he/she isn't your friend. they are the drug they're abusing. As long as they have you as a crutch, you're an enabler.
Sorry to come off harsh...I hope I've given you something to go on. But check out tough love's site and if need be, print off the info and take it to his/her parents.
2007-10-04 05:07:45 · answer #5 · answered by Carol T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to sound harsh but you have to let her get on with it, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
Let her know that you're there and when she's ready she'll come to you. In the meantime be as supportive as you can but don't get too involved, you'll end up hurting and blaming her for making you feel bad.
I hope it all works out. Good luck
2007-10-04 04:54:21 · answer #6 · answered by sunshine 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The ONLY way to help this person is to leave her alone. She is despicable and enjoying herself. Giving her help, money etc is only making it easier for her to carry on with the life she has chosen. She has taken your love and kindness and thinks it is hilarious to abuse it. She thinks you're weak and enjoys what she is doing to you. She is undeserving of the love she has from your family. Maybe you all turning her out into the cold would wake her up and make her realise love and respect should be valued, cherished and EARNED.
2007-10-04 04:58:39 · answer #7 · answered by Wonderwoman 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's helping her to do what she wants, and helping her to get better.
You seem to be helping her to do what she wants. This may be because you are unable to help her to get better, and you're thinking some help is better than none.
We should not think we can fix everything, it is probably beyond your ability to give her the help she needs.
Your help may be supporting her lifestyle, rather than reforming it.
You should direct her to a place which is experienced in helping people like her.
But you can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.
If she refuses the help she needs, then you have still helped, but she doesn't want your help (yet).
2007-10-04 04:59:14 · answer #8 · answered by Valmiki 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make her ( or ask her to-you can't make addicts get help)take responsibility for her own disease. Take her to a drug-behavioral health clinic. If she will not, then she is not really ready for help. You cannot help her by yourself. Thats what they do, Play the Part,then they can "say" they are trying without really doing anything.
Does this make sense to you?
2007-10-04 05:07:35 · answer #9 · answered by tammy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it might sound strange but you have to stop helping her... She needs professional assistance and there's nothing you can do about her. What she wants from you is to be the center of your attention, she wants to have you worried about her. You should stop that. I think those kind of people need to realize themselves they are wrong and as weird it may sound, family is the least on their list of priorities. Leave her alone, tell her to look for professional help.
2007-10-04 05:03:13 · answer #10 · answered by Starfire 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋