me and my husban have been married fo year no w at first it was great but know we have fighting alot lately i know i love him dose alot of people have some rough times in there marrage and still make it some time i just think we get sick of each other some times or we just get in a rut and sex is not the problem we havegreatsex a help what should i do to make it work
2007-10-04 04:41:34 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
your not the only one, believe me. Theres no such thing as a perfect marriage and if someone disagrees, their lying. There are going to be arguments. Life would be boring and pointless if there wasnt diversity and if everyone always agreed with one another.
If you love each other you will get through the tough times. All couples need their space. Communication is the key. you need to schedule a SITDOWN so you can both talk about your feelings in a rational way!
2007-10-04 04:47:51 · answer #1 · answered by mmcnum1fan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all congratulations on your marriage. Take it from me honey, arguing is all apart of the package. Although, you are not told this before you marry, lol. Look disagreeing is healthy, it always agreeing that poses the problem. After 11 years, I can say that it gets better but it will not always be a walk in the park. I married young and after only 5 months of dating. I am now thirty and have been through cheating, financial woes, loosing a home and car, high risk pregnancies and near death experiences. I know it is tough and it is not an easy to be married but it is a beautiful thing to be apart of. I have had the "why did I get married" thoughts and "oh no, not you again" I have even wondered why I am still in this but then I realize that love is not always pretty sometimes you can love so much it hurts. This is definitely a skill and to be honest I do not think it will ever be mastered, because times and people are changing. Hang in there it is a blessing to have a person to even argue with. And just think as you grow together as one you will appreciate every argument you ever had.
2007-10-04 05:32:41 · answer #2 · answered by lashenica j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Concentrate - The rest of your life - A long time huh? Well, in the course of that time you will have many disagreements, even if you belong together. If you got married for all the right reasons, if you were ready for the commitment.
But what if you didn't get married for the right reasons, don't know the fine art of compromise, are a selfish lout, she's having second thoughts and is irritable, or someone else seems attractive, all of these things can start to unravel a marriage.
You have to decide how commited you both are to one another and work very, very hard at not hurting one another when you disagree and work towards getting along even through stress and you'll be alright.
2007-10-04 04:47:13 · answer #3 · answered by almaz_nigist 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure that thing will get better. The first couple of years are the hardest. Alot of young couples fight over money and friends and basically just spending too much time together.
If you get sick of him at times (and vice versa) maybe you can start a hobby alone so that you have time to miss him.
Maybe you two could try a hobby together that does not involve you doing alot of talking. Biking or hiking can be fun and inexpensive.
You both might enjoying a church and participating in some of the activities that they have for couples. Most events are free and it would be a good chance for both of you to make some very positive friendships.
Also, do you find yourselves fighting about the same things over and over again.
Are the things that you fight about, serious things or are you fighting about who left the toliet seat up.
My point is that you can PICK your battles. Sure the toliet seat thing can be annoying but is it worth fighting over? As quick as you can complain you can put the lid down. So before you 'start' the fight or 'repsond' to the fight you can ask yourself 'is this worth it'?
THere are plenty of times when I would fight with my guy and I would win the battle but lose the war.
he would be wrong but then we would not speak for days.
It was silly of me and was not worth it in the long run.
Better that we fought about the stuff that mattered
and ignored the stuff that did not
best of luck to you both
2007-10-04 04:51:59 · answer #4 · answered by kissmymiddlefinger 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for 4 years now and yes we fight a lot. It's part of a marriage. But we only argue over silly things like money and my jealousy issues. I always think marriages fail because couples can't talk to each other, they would rather choose to walk away or cheat. I have been with my husband for 8 years in total and are rows are no different now from when we were just dating. Give your marriage a go. Talk to each other and see where it is that is going wrong. Good luck ; )
2007-10-04 04:47:00 · answer #5 · answered by ♥ Bettyb ♥ ™ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your first three years are always the most difficult. You have lots of things that you have to work out, be it coordinating work schedules, bad habits, minor irritations and finances. The biggest suggestion I can give you is to not fight... but debate and discuss.
Fighting... includes saying/doing mean things and no one knows which dagger hurts the worse that those that love us the most. Debating is dealing with the issues in a non-emotional way. You and your spouce have to learn how to 'debate' with out using the 'fighting words' that are unneccessary. For example, he asks, 'Honey did you pay the light bill this week?' and your reply should be a simple 'Yes' and not 'I told you I did that two days ago' or 'Of course I did, I said I would'. I'm sure you can see the difference between two ways of handling things.
Learning to discuss and debate instead of fighting will be hugely benefitial through out your marriage.
Hope this helps!
2007-10-04 04:49:29 · answer #6 · answered by wrkey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just hang in there. I know right now it seems hard but the first 5 years are the hardest because you are getting adjusted to the other person seeing them all the time, not having your private space it is a lot to get adjusted to. It gets better. Do something nice for him to let him know you still love him. Don't ever forget why you married him and someone once told me
"when you fight fight naked the fight will not last very long"
2007-10-04 04:46:40 · answer #7 · answered by Kristi S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first year is usually great, the second not so good and the third can go either way. Just hang in there. It will get better. If you're getting sick of eachother, take some "me time". Go do something that you love to do on your own. He should do the same.
Good luck.
2007-10-04 04:47:09 · answer #8 · answered by ?Dawn? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage takes work. Love does not make it work.
You need to understand that you cannot control or change anyone but yourself. I would suggest reading the following book:
The Surrendered Wife (No it is not about being submissive, do not let the title fool you)
The book will show you how not to argue. Trust in your hubby that he is a man.
Good Luck and enjoy yourself! When you see him today for the first time, give him a big kiss and be very excited to see him!
2007-10-04 04:49:53 · answer #9 · answered by Tadpoler 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you both know the Lord? Is the Lord first in your life and in your husband's life? If we put the Lord first everything else falls into place.
Plan different things to do. Change up the way you eat every evening. Make the meal look beautiful. Change your hair. Change your perfume. You can't change him, but you can change yourself to help get out of the rut.
2007-10-04 04:51:33 · answer #10 · answered by Jeancommunicates 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋