My bf and I have been in a long distance relationship for 2 years and he's been trying to move here but has not yet been offered a position. I am also guardian of my nephew (10) and as a result we decided that it would not be a good idea for me to move there (I have family here to help). We've talked about marriage and he's even bought the ring. My prob? He won't give it to me until he moves down here. And I'm having a real problem with that. He says he's holding on to it because he's afraid something will happen (i.e. I'll get fed up with the distance). And I'm thinking he's having second thoughts as in not wanting to marry me now. He says he does and he's going to give it me. But the longer it takes, the more I think its never going to happen. I know I shouldn't be so focused on just the "ring" but to me it symbolizes growth in our relationship and a stronger commitment. I told him I wouldn't take it if I didn't want to stay the course. What do you think?
2007-10-04 04:39:40 · 11 answers · asked by trysh_mc 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband and I have been married for two and a half years and one of my biggest insecurities is that I was not given an engagement ring. My husband wrote me a will you marry me note and an I.O.U for the ring which up to now he has not given me. I know my husband loves me and I love him dearly but the ring even if it was a small one would have symbolized something so important to me. That is his stern decision and intent to marry me. I understood that my husband didnt have much at the time we got married but times have changed and he is still too stubborn to buy me the ring.
My advice to you is this if you feel so strongly for the ring verbalize this to him. Tell him how important having the ring is to you and how much you love him and that love will withstand the distance between you. IF he does not give you the ring still maybe he has his own apprehensions that you need to clarify with him.
Do not be caught in the same insecurity I am in :)
2007-10-04 04:53:18 · answer #1 · answered by Me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you so worried about a peice of metal put around your finger? A ring is just there, it's the relationship that both of you have that symbolizes engagement. i'm in a long distance engagement as well, and i never even thought about a ring. and don't worry, i don't think he has any doubts in you, he just wants to be sure that things will work out when he moves closer to you.
2007-10-04 12:36:16 · answer #2 · answered by Authentic Believer (SOA) 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should give you the ring. End of story. If he wants to marry you bad enough, and thought you really was 'the one' he wouldn't be worrying that you could possibly leave him. Maybe he doesn't plan on moving anytime soon, and he knows that. So in order to save his butt, and not giving you the ring, to do 'what you choose' if you two don't work out, he is keeping it. I would talk to him, tell him how much it means to you, and if he loves you and really wants to marry you, he will give you the ring, and a romantic night with it :) good luck.
2007-10-04 11:45:58 · answer #3 · answered by MayMay 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think he's actually being quite realistic about it. Unless he can actually move down there to be with you, your relationship really isn't going to work. What good is it to be engaged if the person isn't going to be right next to you? This isn't just dating- this is (as you put it) a commitment. He wants to make sure that he is right beside you & that your romance works close distance as well as long distance. It's incredibly mature & realistic of him.
If you really want to get that ring, why not try to help him get down where you are? Look in the employment pages for jobs like his. Offer to send his resume into similar offices & such.
He *could* give you the ring right now, but unless he's able to be living with you & is actually able to move to be close to you, the ring is meaningless.
2007-10-04 11:47:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think he is right to wait to give you the ring. It's hard to be engaged to someone when they are so far away. You never know he might be having second thoughts. What if he is never able to move there? You might need to find a way to move to him. You can't have a marriage if you don't live together. You should be able to find help with your nephew where he is.
2007-10-04 11:46:56 · answer #5 · answered by shellshell 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If he has a ring, he should give it to you to show that he is serious about the commitment. If you were to change your mind about being with him, you would legally have to return the ring to him. I just had a girlfriend that was taken to court for this!!
2007-10-04 11:50:44 · answer #6 · answered by Harley Lady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's committed he should show it by his actions, ie. he should move to be with you, and stop waiting for the perfect job. He's afraid that something will happen? "Something" happens every day, it's called life. If he really wants to spend the rest of his life with you, he will start making that happen right now.
2007-10-04 11:56:08 · answer #7 · answered by sarah jane 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Long distance over two years is not the same as two years being in the same location. You two need more time. You need to be in the same city before an engagement.
2007-10-04 12:01:06 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I understand his point, he wants to give you the ring and be able to be with you while you enjoy it.
2007-10-04 12:26:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is teasing you, you are not going to get married. He is sleeping around IN town
2007-10-04 11:49:07 · answer #10 · answered by thms85 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋