Husbands and wives answer this only please....?

Question

My husband and I have had supper before with an ex of mine. We are all sort of friends. they live out of state. Recently my ex has emailed me, my husband doesn't know about it, but I don't normally tell him who emails anyway. Is it wrong of me to get excited when I see that emails me. he emails several times a day. Nothing dirty going on, just normal everyday talk. Is that wrong. Serious answers only please.

Answer 1

To be completely honest, I wouldn't like it if my husband were getting emails from his ex. Innocent or not, I just wouldn't like it.

If this is something that you are "keeping" from your husband, than I have to say that it is wrong on some level.

Secrets such as this one are never healthy in a marriage. You should either stop the emailing OR tell your husband about your innocent normal everyday conversations with your ex. Your hubby may not mind, as long as that's all it is. But I wouldn't keep it going without his knowledge of it.

Answer 2

Different people feel differently about email. I for one have no problem with it. My husband and I have been married for 11 years and about 2 years ago I was working for a talent agency and many of my clients emailed me and sent me photos. I also had my pic on my site. I began talking to this guy named David who lived in Washington, I live in Fl, we were good email buddies. He was sweet and caring and nice to talk to. We would email at night when he started work. I was working at night as well so it was convenient. In any event we were talking one day and he suggested flying here to see me or flying me there, I was like sure why not we are just friends, but I was not serious about it. He knew i was married and had no intentions on going there it was all in fun. So the next day we were emailing but I was at home, we only had on computer and I had to leave the computer for a minute, so my husband to use it, I didn't have time to email David and tell him i would be back later, I had the yahoo messenger and was alerted when messages came through. david had emailed me several times while my husband was on the computer. he decides to open the email and it all hit the fan. He came storming in the room and the accusation started flying and it was a mess. He was not ahppy with the emails he read and told me that I had to stop writing him. I was not happy with that but he was my husband and I did nt want to argue. I emailed David and told him what happened and that we could not talk anymore. He was understanding and nice although he wondered why when we were only friends. I have not spoken to him since and no one else on the computer for that matter other than family and female friends. I also felt that excitement when David would write me, it was a thrill. I think that in your case though you may feel strongly about this friend because he is an ex. You never really get over good relationships that go bad, you always hold that person near to you and I think that is what you did. Be careful though, the things you type can be traced and it would really hurt your marriage if your husband found out about it. He may not stress it but somewhere deep he is bothered by your ex being a friend but because of you he digresses. I wish you the best

Answer 3

At face value there is nothing wrong with staying in touch with old friends, ex's included. The part that is concerning is when you said you get excited when you see new emails. The flutter that you feel does mean something.

I would suggest that you take a minute to see if you are getting everything you need from your husband. If you are feeling a little stale or in a rut, shake it up a bit by adding some romance or newness again. I would have an open conversation with him and let him know that nothing has happened but you may need a little extra attention from him and that you like the flattery from this ex. You must make sure he knows that you are still in love with him but having this little flutter has made you aware that maybe you need something a bit more.

Marriages are like waves in the ocean, waxing and waning or sometimes spectacular. When you are noticing waning, create a tidal wave of love, sex, romance, and excitement. It will get you through.

Best,
Angie

Answer 4

I think being able to be friends with an ex is great. However, in this situation (being a wife myself) I think this is to the point where it is about to cross that line. Several e-mails a day is a little excessive. Also the fact that you get excited about it yet do not share this information with your husband are red flags to me. It almost sounds like you already know that this is probably wrong.
If this were my spouse doing this, I would feel very hurt and upset. If it is nothing but two friends talking, you wouldn't feel the need to hide this from your husband and then try to rationalize it with the fact that you don't share all your e-mails with him.
If it is really nothing that you know your husband will be concerned about, start sharing it with him. If you know your husband is going to be upset, then you know it is time to put an end to the constant individual e-mails and leave a lot of this communication for your social gatherings with your husband.

Answer 5

It is natural to get a thrill if he emails you as you had a “thing” once and you have that feeling like you had when you first met – the flirting, the initial rush. You need to remind yourself that your ex is an “ex” for a reason.
You should stop these emails immediately – although you aren’t actually being unfaithful it is not the correct sort of behaviour for a married woman – the reason being (obviously) that your ex is after you and you are only doing things to encourage him – cos you are being unfaithful by intention. Also, I GUARANTEE that whatever your ex is up to he is trying to get you back into bed (believe me, I’m a man too, and we only make small talk to someone we want to get into bed).
The fact you have posted this question means a part of you feels guilty - and its a guilty thrill for you. This is not the way a mature person behaves - you have made the commitment as a mature adult to marriage.
If you are planning on being unfaithful, then that’s a different story – if this was the case I hope you get found out and everything ends up a disaster for you.
If you are planning on remaining faithful, think about how you would feel if you saw regular emails from an ex of your husband in his in-box? Not nice, is it?

Answer 6

I would say where you're already feeling somewhat guilty about it--and you wouldn't be asking this question if you didn't feel guilty--you already know you're heading down a slippery slope. Tread with caution.

I think your husband should know you're contacting this guy though emails. If nothing else, that will help keep you honest with him. The minute you start lying to your husband and keeping information from him is the minute this goes into an area it shouldn't. Your statement that you don't normally tell him who emails sounds suspiciously like a cop out--it tells me that he wouldn't be happy knowing you're in this much contact with him. If you're ALL friends, then copy your hubby on the emails, and ALL of you communicate via email.

Answer 7

You would probably not ask this question if you didn't think there was something fishy going on.
Let me put it this way: I don' think this is just normal catching-up with your ex. So you might want to ask yourself what you want, and how it potentially affects your relationship with your husband. I mean, I see nothing wrong with having a nice pen pal you have things in common with and like to talk about things that you cannot or do not want to share with your husband, but it is for you to decide whether this affects your peace of mind more than it does you good.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

It's not wrong, but you have to ask yourself, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? What if he got excited about and email from the opposite sex, let alone an ex. If you would be upset, then you should stop the emails, but if you are secure in your relationship and your husband doesn't mind than no harm done.

Answer 10

Obviously you feel a little guilty about it. Just tell your husband, but bring it up in conversation. Shouldn't be a big deal since he knows the guy. But that way you're not hiding anything from him.

I understand that you don't tell him everyone that emails you; however, this is a little different. Just get it out in the open and since nothing but "everyday talk" is in the emails it won't be a problem. Then you won't have anyting to worry about.