He has stole from me, lied to me & about me, trashed the house, screamed at his dad, disowned us, refused to introduce us to his wife, and when his daughter was first born used her to get to us. Now the daughter is not an issue because the mother brings her to see us all the time. But right before he left for Iraqi, he threw another fit because I was buying a gift for his soon-to-be born child that he doesn't want to claim - plus I found out that he had his ex-girlfriend forge his wife's name on some documents and I told him that I would not lie for him if anyone ask me about it. I do not say a word to my husband because I know he worries. I do not want anything to happen to him but I just can't worry like the others in the family do. I know that he admitted a few times that he was on drugs when he acted like he did but he is clean now. How do I bring myself to care like the rest of the family?
2007-10-04 03:29:39 · 11 answers · asked by Love being a Mom 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Continue to help your step-son no matter. He needs a lot of growing up to do. Again, continue to do good no matter what. Don't judge, crticize or be harsh with him. No one has the right to judge or criticize anyone else. The love, compassion, mercy and help you continue to show your step-son will be shown to you, or one of your own children, (if you have any), when you or they need it most. WE ALL REAP WHAT WE SOW! No one is immuned to this.
Right now he obviously isn't or has not seen all you've done, but eventually one day he will, and even thank you for all you've done. We all reach a very low point in our lives where we go through lots of trials and tribulations and sometimes it takes something like that to set us straight and realize all the hurt/pain we've caused others and the wrong we've been doing. Just keep doing good.
2007-10-04 03:37:29 · answer #1 · answered by metalgods 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You must forgive him. Everything he has done. God says forgive everyone everything. You must have unconditional love. You separate him from what he does. You can hate what he does, but love him, because he is God's kid.
You first make the mental decision to forgive and then you pray for him, and you remind yourself you have forgiven him every time it comes up to your mind and you pray again, you keep doing this until the forgiveness reaches your heart.
You do not forgive people for them, you do if for yourself and because that's what God says to do. You are forgiven as you forgive. If you don't forgive you get a resentment. Resentments only hurt you.
So forgive him and pray for him. Read 1 Corinthians chapter 13 in the Holy Bible so you will know what love really is. Get a New Living translation it is written in plain modern English.
Share the love.
2007-10-04 03:37:53 · answer #2 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has left you with a few scars, and understandably why. I am sure you care for him or you wouldn't want much to do with his wife and children. Maybe deep down you know he is a survivor and that he will (hopefully) be ok while he is over there helping to protect us. He is paying you back for all his chaos the best way anyone could...by protecting your freedom along with our country's. You don't have to worry, but it wouldn't hurt to maybe sent a little something over there to let him know that you do care and that you appreciate his efforts. Maybe this will turn a different page as well and help put both of you on a different level.
2007-10-04 09:18:42 · answer #3 · answered by urawhat21 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Carrying resentment or anger towards someone else is very destructive. You need to forgive and move on. I know that he did some terrible things but he is your husband son.
Guilty - means that you did something wrong. You have done nothing wrong.
I have attached a link for practicing forgiveness. This has helped me a few times in life.
Good luck!
2007-10-04 03:52:47 · answer #4 · answered by Tadpoler 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can't do it for yourself and forgive him then do it because of your husband, or for him. You don't have to like what he's become or who he is, but for you and your husbands sake you can forgive him. Ask yourself if you were him and had the problems that he has would you have acted this way? Probably not, but he more then likely doesn't know any better. Maybe now after being over there all of you have become to mean more to him than before.
You don't ever have to like him but try to remember any of the good things he has done, it will make it easier.
2007-10-04 03:59:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can't. Everyone handles things differently. Therefore, quit beating yourself up and accept the fact that you are not going to worry about this. When he returns, I'll bet you be relieved and find that you did worry, just in a different way that the rest of the family.
Been there, seen the results.
2007-10-04 03:36:58 · answer #6 · answered by bootsontheroad 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wow, that is a lot to deal with... But you have been hurt and you need your time to sort it out... Deep down I am sure you do worry but because of all the extra "bad baggage" you have you can't... Is it wrong, I don't think so... but you have to sort it out the best way you know how and with the last "fit" you had was the icing on the cake... If your husband knew what happened or what was going on he would understand... But in order for you to let go you need to lay your cards on the table...
2007-10-04 03:36:21 · answer #7 · answered by De 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Send your son a care package. Cookies, a card, magazines etc. You do not have to address the fight but let him know that no matter what you are family and you love him. It is hard to care when someone continues to hurt us. Allow yourself to love your son but you have to do it on your own terms. Send something to your son just to let him know you care. This doesnt fix all your problems but it lets him know that you are still his mother. Hold true to your values and beliefs. Your son may not be making all the right decisions but there are a lot of other people involved. Hopefully your son will grow up and start acting like a father and good son soon. If he doesnt just love him and be tehre for him but do what you know is right.
2007-10-04 03:36:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I would just keep my feelings to myself. I don't think you wish him any ill will, you just don't like him. I can totally understand that.
2007-10-04 03:40:03 · answer #9 · answered by ♥sick n tired♥ 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Uhm. LOL. He sounds like a jerk. A jerk in Iraq. I dont think you need to feel guilty about this.
2007-10-04 03:35:23 · answer #10 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋