I hate taking a crap in work when there's someone in the toilet cubicle beside me....?

Question

..guy sounded like he was killing a small dog in the toilet there...not nice!

Googlyworm - lol..that IS good...i might try that one!

Answer 1

HOW TO POOP AT WORK

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going to the bathroom.

ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This usually is accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen if you are standing next to the farter, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved.
Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet in the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER enter the bathroom with a newspaper or a magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N.)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGHA
Phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in the stall. This can be used to cover up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS.
Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper
can poop in peace.

WATERMELON
A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET
A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an ESCAPEE. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits: you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

Answer 2

Yeah but if you take some wet balls of toilet paper in there with you first, you can drop them from a great height into the bowl whilst scratching the cubicle walls with your fingernails and grunting a lot - always good for a laugh!

Answer 3

I'd put it down to loud mouth ignorance and ignore them completely! I hate to see blondes with red lipstick, but wouldn't dream of making a statement out loud about it in a public place.

Answer 4

After reading all the answers from the female sex you would be forgiven into thinking that women dont do the same its Irionic and Hipocrictal of women for them to post these kind of answers do they have an aroma of ROSES FROM THEIR POO? OPPS im off for a POO :-)

Answer 5

if you have to do #2 then do it!!!!!

Answer 6

I KNOW!! I was JUST in the bathroom at work and I am completely appalled at some of the noises that come out of a "woman". Ugh!! Seriously...wait til everyone leaves...or wait til you go home!!

Answer 7

lol, i know what you mean.

i h8 it when i'm doin a number 2 and there's someone in the cubicle beside me, and mine really smells. it's embarrassing, but sometimes i find it funny.

Answer 8

1

Answer 9

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Answer 10

LMAO!Yeah! And he can smell your crap like you can smell his crap,then you both can have a race to see who can get to the wiping part of your excursion.