my mother in law has moved in with me and my husband.the plan was she has half the bottom of the house as aself contained unit,bedroom,living room,bathroom,small kitchenette.but she is driving me mad! she walks in and out of my house when she likes and if i dont agree with something she thinks is a good idea she goes behind my back to my husband.that can be anything from getting a shed to solar power!!at the moment she is in germany visiting her daughter and we had agreed that her friend and her friends husband could atay in her bit of the house for 1 week as they are looking to buy a house nearby.but that has now turned into 4 different times,with them arriving again tomorrow to stay until wed! Also she has e-mailed to say her,her daughter,her 4 grandchildren and her daughters friend will all be arriving wed to stay until the weekend.which means i have to put my 7 year old son in with me and my husband so they can have his room.am i right to feel put out?
2007-10-04 03:08:56 · 7 answers · asked by min m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Also we have only been married a year and we only moved in 3 months ago to this property..which i now feel was a huge mistake!! she also owns 25% of the house.
2007-10-04 03:10:25 · update #1
Your husband should stand up for you and give all those people the boot. It is your house, your RULES. If they don't like it, they can go rent a hotel. Once you and them have made an agreement on their stay, you have got to hold them up on it. Don't be afraid to let them know that they need to find somewhere else to stay. It is putting a strain on your family. Talk to your husband. Your son should not have to give up his room under NO circumstance.
----Time to put your foot down.
IDEA: Start leaving her some listings or brochures of Apartments for Active Living for Senior Citizens.
It's about high time MOM gets her own place!
-Good luck.
2007-10-04 03:19:48 · answer #1 · answered by †Evonne† 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are right to be put out, and with hindsight you shouldn't have let it get this far.
She is putting your husband in a very unfair "no win" situation by being unwittingly selfish. Be aware that she will be used to doing what she likes in her own place and her son being around only makes it feel like when she was bringiing him up - to her he hasn't left her home yet. To you he has. He can't win.
You have some options - you have 75% share of the house, which means, as the majority owner you can force sale of the property.
You could also draw up a legal contract around privacy and agreements on visitors and "overnight tenants" (as regular visitors to stay soon become free loaders if you aren't careful).
It sounds like she is making property decisions without your agreement first and you should have it contracted legally that she cannot do this - I suggest that it is extremely important that you put your foot down and say to her that next time she wants someone to stay it affects you as well and you don’t want her agreeing to it without agreeing with you first - you are the majority owner of the property which gives you control.
Don't forget she can have guests whatever she wants, but they mustn't affect you and your lifestyle.
I still maintain though that you should sell the property and get out - it will only get worse when she gets older and becomes dependant on you. Even if this means your family living in a flat at least it will be YOUR family home.
Good luck - you mother in law needs to face some hard truths that will be incomfortable for her, but carrying on like this will spell disaster for your own family.
2007-10-04 10:30:17 · answer #2 · answered by Paul M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are being used... your mother in law is really taking advantage, by inviting people into your home without checking with you in advance.
You do have the right to tell that older couple who keeps coming there to stay they can't come to spend nights/weeks anymore....
After this "visit" let her know that people can't just descend upon your household... that you have little privacy now and it has to change... be assertive and stop letting her walk all over you, hon.
You can do a yahoo search on SETTING PERSONAL BOUNDARIES for help and information. You might benefit.. and it might help you in the future.
take care of YOU.
2007-10-04 10:17:40 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you tried it and the arrangements aren't working. You know you have every right to feel comfortable in "your" house, so sit hubby down and tell him straight. It might be uncomfortable for you when you break the news to your mother in law. But your sanity and happiness comes before catering to everyone else. Put your foot down and get your house and family back. Good luck :)
2007-10-04 10:33:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sell the house or buy her out by giving her investment, or ask her to buy you and your husband out so that you and your husband will be free to buy a home of your own. From what you explained living with your mother in law will not work and could be damaging to your still young marriage. Do what it takes to graciously and without recourse to get a home of your own. Best of luck.
2007-10-04 10:34:28 · answer #5 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gosh, you do have problems. You should talk to your husband and tell him that some boundaries should be set. That your toes are being stepped on. Convey to him that this is very important to your happiness and piece of mind. If he loves you he will help you come up with a solution to this problem. Good luck. You will need it.
2007-10-04 10:20:59 · answer #6 · answered by ♥sick n tired♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW ,time for a family meeting and some notices given out
Best of luck to you(you're being taken adavanage of)
2007-10-04 10:16:28 · answer #7 · answered by elizabeth_davis28 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋