Ladies only...just looking for an opinion on marriage......?

Question

I want to limit this question to ladies only so that I can get a full perspective on their point of view.
First, let me say that I love my girlfriend of 7 years. We have lived together for 7 years and are now in the process of building a new home. She really wants to get married....the ring, the wedding, the honeymoon.....the whole shabang. She has never been married before......I was married for 3 years when I was 20.....I'm 36 now.

Marriage just doesn't mean a whole lot to me. In my opinion, we are just great the way it is. I am fully committed to her emotionally and in every other way. I know that it is a lot of women's dreams to get married and I probably will...but my reason will be to make her happy.

Is my thought process wrong for not feeling the need to get married? It won't change my committment level...to me it is a lot of money and a legal piece of paper. Let me know what you think.

Answer 1

From a woman's point of view, most any female wants some kind of wedding in their lifetime. She probably has planned her 'dream' wedding for a long time. If she means enough to you, go thru with it and do it with a smile. If you don't do it, someone else might.

Answer 2

You just have different value systems. Being committed means you try to share each others values. By using your own argument, if it's just money and a piece of paper then whats the big deal? Right?? Is she worth the money and paper? If you are using this argument with her it must make her feel pretty small that she isn't worth those things. I think if you look a little deeper you'll find that you think there is more to it than that. I also think that she is fully aware of what it means to you. Revisit your earlier marriage. I think you have some fears that you have yet to address. It's totally normal. Why was it okay to get married the 1st time but not now? If you don't want to get married that's one thing. Belittling it is another. Marriage might not mean a whole lot to you but it seems like it does to her. If it doesn't mean a whole lot then why can you not do it to make her happy? You're already committed right? You love her, you've been together for 7 years. You are building a home and a life together. Make sure you are building it on a foundation of honesty. Start being honest with yourself about how you really feel. I think you are scared sh!tless! Don't base the rest of your life on past mistakes. Learn from them and move on. She isn't your first wife. Take a stand one way or the other and let her decide if she can live with your decision. If marriage is important to her she might want to move on. Stop leading her on if you don't want to marry. It sounds like it's time to sh!t or get off the pot.......

Answer 3

While I was dating my husband we dated for five years before marrying, I felt toward the end of those five years I deserved to be married to him. Marriage means a lot to some women and having that last name and the privelege to say "I'm misses so and so" makes you feel all warm and tingly inside. I think that you were hurt for the first time when you were married so I can understand how you would be concerned because no matter what anyone says marriage does change people. To marry her to make her happy is not the way either you both need to commit to this marriage that's what makes it so great. So just talk about it and perhaps wait a little bit longer, if she's as committed she will understand but also don't punish her because you had a bad experience once.

Answer 4

Truly you are right as far as the marriage goes, I think it's a waste of money and all just for show. I wish I could do it over again without the big wedding but just the honeymoon only. I think you should marry her if you want to be with her the rest of your life and no other reason. Marrying just because she wants all that isn't the right way. Explain and maybe you two can compromise an order to make you both happy.
If my marriage didn't work out and I met the man I wanted to be with I would marry again but then again I'm not in that situation nor am I a guy. Maybe that would change things....?
My mom didn't marry again after her divorce and it felt like she was saying my dad's marriage and hers was more special then the man she is with right now....Not that it's the truth but that's what it may seem to someone without saying....

Answer 5

Well i'm happy you two have been together for so long and still have a strong love for one another... My boyfriend and I have only been together for one year... and well I never saw myself being married to anyone before, I'm 24 and he's 29. I've told him that one day he's going to be my husband and he get's a little bothered (of course I don't mention it anymore lol) but my point is he was also married and has been divorced now for a little over 6 years.

I've never been married before, and like your girlfriend, we just see ourselves with the man we love for the rest of our lives... my boyfriend says that he doesn't want to re-marry because it was very stressful, and I understand him just how I understand you... since you two where divorced and you know how hard it is to go through all those proceedures when at the time you got moment, i'm sure you both thought it was going to be for good...

I do see marriage though as only a piece of paper to be honest with you... so many people nowadays are getting married with someone they've been with for the longest to then end up getting a divorce because a lot of relationships feel that once you're married you can do as you please with your partner... Have you spoken to her about the way you feel about the whole situation, I mean... you two have been together for a while though... Wish you both the best!

Answer 6

No, you shouldnt' feel bad for how you feel about being married, BUT you need to tell her about this!! That's a really big deal - if she wants the whole shebang (I would know because thats what I want.. lol) this problem will come rear its ugly head quick. Getting married means a lot to a young woman.

The best outcome of this is if she is just happy to be with you as well and come to some compromise. However you better address this sonner than later. Because eventually she will come to really resent you, then maybe break it off before it's too late. My g/f and her b/f are in the same problem - he's commitment phobic and won't marry although he thinks everything is peachy. She's really upset and has told me she has threatened to leave him a few times. They sort of make up, but eventually it's back to square one.

Another question is - if you are together for 7 years - why DOES being married again scare you so much? (like with my guy friend) Is it b/c you are afraid of being divorced again? If this is it, then you shouldn't be afraid of anything anymore, right? I think u gotta ask yourself that.

Answer 7

I wouldn't say your wrong your just being cautious. Most women want marriage, but I truly believe any woman is wrong for proposing marriage. Men are so wishy washy about the whole subject of being tied to a piece of paper that a smart woman would wait until "he" is ready and asks on his own. After being in a relationship for a while "all" women want to take the next and final step, men don't or are afraid to. Its very normal for a guy to feel that way. Your staying away from marriage for a reason and you need to really think about what that might be. You are old enough to know what you want in your life, but because of your age you might have cold feet. Marriage does change things alot. Anyone to disagree is very wrong, but in your case you lived together for so long that not much should change. The only thing will be when and if you want out there is a ton of red tape. Bottom line is your happy the way it is but she obviously isn't . I think this is something the two of you need to discuss thoroughly and proceed from there.

Answer 8

Getting married is so special to women. Even though you are committed to her in everyway, marriage sort of makes it official and legal. Marriage should be sacred. The vows should be honored and respected.

I understand why you feel the way you do about marriage and it is normal; however, could it be caused from a bad experience the first time around. If that is the case, you must remember that this woman is different. You've been with her 7 years and it is obvious you love and will do anything for her. I am sure she will do the same for you.

Marriage is not easy. Many couples do not make it. I think many times couple do not give 100% to make things work. Any relationship takes love, respect, trust, time, and effort. I'm sure you already know this though.

Come on, wouldn't it be great for her to be officially and legal your wife with the same last name? I can't wait to have my fiance's last name and to make everything official. Best of luck to you and yours!

Answer 9

I think a faithful loyal person will remain committed with or without a piece of paper, just the same as the piece of paper does not prevent people from cheating on their spouses when the values are not there. I understand where you are coming from, buuuuuuuttt... Unfortunately since we are young girls, we are tattooed this idea in the brain that we HAVE to get married, that our wedding day is THE best day of our lives, that we are worthless if we don't get married, etc, etc, etc. This is not a logical reason, nor can we provide a lot of argument to as why marriage is so important to us, and yet, we still want it, and we want it bad.

Answer 10

To a women, getting married is the one time that ALL eyes are on her. Where she is the most bauritful women there and no one can compete. I have already dreamed of my wedding day.

But getting married is more then the legal papers and a lot of money.
Its the whole 'promising" to be there till death do you part.

But also. Should anything happen to either of you, then the other gets to take care of it. The law wont care if you were together for 7 years, all of the desicions will be left to her parents and other family.
There are many cases where you cant do something unless you married.

But if you dont want to get married then dont.
If you feel that you should to make her happy, dont.
She will regret it later and feel like she made you do something you didn't want to do.

If you full hearted want to "celebrate' the day you both decide to "affirm your love" then go for it. if not...oh well.

Answer 11

First: what, if any, age difference is there between you two? Second: Is this dire need for the marriage or the wedding? Though I don't have doubts that she's in this for the marriage after 7 years. (But sometimes we ladies still want it all). Perhaps you two could compromise and have a "medium" wedding. Maybe it won't have all of the bells and whistles but it could have a few. As for the legalities and that "piece of paper"....that will allow some things in life that you may not get other wise. (Think down the road, as you get older)