I need advise on how to talk to my mother, who lives with my husband & I, about her spending habits. My husband have been married for 5yrs & 2 yrs ago we were really struggling financialy so we moved my mother in with us to help keep us afloat. We have moved 2 times sinse then. We are now in a more expensive house and it just plain costs more to live. Well my problem is that she still goes and spends money going out to eat. Usually its either on her lunch break or when she calls home and asks whats for dinner and shes not happy with what I am cooking. The lunch break problem bothers me because my husband eats sandwhiches and chips for lunch everyday and when we dont have $ for lunch meat he has to eat PB&J'! But my mother is unwilling to make this sacrifice for the family. We dont have many "extras" as far as bills. The only things we have are mine and my husbands cell phones and the internet$7/m. The cell phones will be gotten rid of as soon as the contract is up.
more in a sec...
2007-10-04 02:39:02 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Business & Finance ➔ Personal Finance
Well when we moved the first time we decided we'd open a "family" account and all money be deposited into it for bills and family expences. Well my mother doesnt show us her check stub so Im not ever sure how much she really got paid. She also keeps her tithing in her own account, which I have no problem with but then she has kept other money not used for tithing. I looked at her bank statement and theres a lot more than the once a month tithing check shes spending.
My husband and I are now in a position to where we can now afford to live on our own and we want to talk to my mom about us all finding a new place apart. I want to word it to where she doesnt think we dont love her & so she isnt resentful. She can afford to live on her own too.
I KNOW THATS LONG BUT
PLEASE ANY USEFUL ADVISE WOULD HELP!!
2007-10-04 02:47:31 · update #1
TARA its because its not like she goes and grabs a cheap meal & because she isnt being honest about it. She loves us and wouldnt let us end up on the street thats why she moved in to help us.
2007-10-04 02:49:13 · update #2
I may have to mention a couple of items, that you will not like to hear, but we have to be honest with the situation on hand:
- First, bringing your mother to share expenses is a no-no. Now you are seeing the problem.
- Second, you keep moving from place to place and adding more financial burden on you and your husband....your mother noted this and she was against the situation and apparently did not go through with the agreement.
- Third, a pot for paying bills is not the option. I would have assigned responsibilities of who pays what.
The issue of being critic of your mother and lack of putting the appropiate share of the expenses...is only the tip of the iceberg. Her spending habits should not be the point, If she earns it and she is paying part of the expenses...it is her money. If you need a higher share...talk to her.
My recommendation is that you talk with your mother about the situation, as I may perceive both, you and your husband are avoiding a confrontation. Your mother has experience, so she will be able to make a decision with the facts.
2007-10-04 03:49:12 · answer #1 · answered by Ralph C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her you are wanting to downsize. You could gather some information on houses or apartments she might be interested in when you talk to her. That would hopefully give her a push and the hint. Does she pay for her part of the bills? If she is paying her part of the bills then I guess you can't be mad. does she ever offer to buy the family dinner? I wouldn't have gotten the family account. I would have kept my finances apart from hers. you could start your own account with your husband and just put whatever is needed in the family account for bills. good luck
2007-10-04 02:53:45 · answer #2 · answered by - 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you own your own home and there is room for expansion, you might want to consider asking her how she would feel about adding an in-law apartment. That way you wouldn't be putting her out, but you would be living more independent of each other and she could have her own kitchen/refrigerator, etc... Maybe she could be responsible for paying the loan for the new addition, then you could split the utility bills.
2007-10-04 03:03:02 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is it your mother's responsibility to keep you and your husband afloat financially? It sounds like she has a job, why shouldn't she be entitled to eat lunch out if she wants?
2007-10-04 02:43:12 · answer #4 · answered by sarah jane 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
consistent with probability invite persons over.. that way it may desire to be extra mushy. dont zone him out, save him in each and every communique. be your self. in case you talk over with him each and every night on the telephone shouldnt you arise with some ingredient to assert..? if not, flow skateboarding with him at a park or flow to a mall and merely flow buying or some thing.
2016-11-07 05:54:53 · answer #5 · answered by larrinaga 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
charge her room and board she's working, otherwise what money she has is her money
2007-10-04 06:09:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋