how much free time should I get after work when I come home and I am tired?

Question

I am married 2 kids. ages 1 and 5 boy and girl. I leave for work at 5:30am get home around 4pm. My wife does not work but she feels when I get home its my turn to take care of kids .
But I ussually am tired at that point. So how much free time is normal for me to get after work.

I play with kids every night but want to do it because I want to not because my wife says I must and do it now.

Answer 1

Your wife needs to be more reasonable with you. I'm not discounting that taking care of home and kids is a job in it's self, but she is apparently not taking in to consideration that she gets a lot more breaks from her work durring the day than you do.

As your one child is five, they should be in kindergarten from 8:30 till 2:30, leaving her with her house work and a one year old to attend to for the majority of the time you are at work. Aside from feeding, diapering and dressing, a one year old spends most of it's day in the playpen and/or napping. This leaves the housework. Laundry is pretty much automated now adays. The only real work in that anymore is the folding, hanging and putting away. Yes, cooking and cleaning needs to be done. cleaning is a lot of work, but doesn't take all day if kept up with. Cooking is no longer the work it once was with today's appliances and modern food packaging. This leaves her with several opportunities through out the day to sit down and have a break to watch a tv show, get online or what ever for like 30 minutes at at time or more. A person at work, WORKS all day aside from two short coffee breaks and a lunch break.

On your work days, I don't think it would be unreasonable to play with the kids and expect you to help with the dishes, along with bath time and bed time duties for the kids. You should help more on your days off. If you don't live in an apartment building, she will have to take in consideration that with a home, you have to preform your landscaping duties and fix whatever needs be around the house, but aside from this, you should help her more, as SHE DOESN'T GET DAYS OFF FROM HER WORK. When kids wake up in the night needing attention, you should offer to take turns with with her on getting out of bed to see to it. She is tired too.


I knew one couple who had a novel approach to this age old issue. The husband assumed the housefold duties on one of his days off, giving the wife a day off, and he had his day off on the other. this way, they both worked six days a week and that ended up reasonably fair.

It's unfair of her to expect you to start helping her right after work. You should at least be able to take a break until dinner time, or just play with your kids durring this time.

Many men end up starting to not come home until suppertime because many wifes think hubby going off to work is getting a fun time break with his buddies. It's not.

Good Luck :-)

Answer 2

And my question to you is when do you give your wife free time? Does she get her free time after you do?

I'm going to tell you something you don't like:

Your wife may not have a job outside of the home, but that doesn't mean she isn't working! She takes care of the children, probably does all the cooking, cleaning, etc. She probably gets up early and runs all day long with the kids..and you want to know how much free time you get? When does your wife get hers? Of course you are tired, but so is your wife. And don't pat yourself on the back too quickly about how you play with your kids each night and not because your wife tells you to. That is what being a parent is. You are expected to do that!

You and your wife should find ways of doing things with the kids that you can enjoy that doesn't take a lot of physical exertion since you are so tired. Maybe have the 5 yr. old help the 1 yr. old put on a puppet show or skit on for you and your wife. You get to sit, the kids have fun and everyone wins. There are all kinds of things you could do like that. Just please help your wife out. She deserves it.

Answer 3

I am talking from a woman who raised 3 children. When they were little, I didnt work, but my husband did. He got home from work and yes, he was tired, but I can guarantee I was even more tired than he was. When you are a stay at home mum with little kids, it is very tiring. You are on call 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Usually a mother of little ones does not have time to herself at all. You rarely relax because even when they are asleep, you are waiting for the cry to know they are awake and need to be fed and/or changed.. A stay at home Mum has the responsibility to look after the children, and when she is not doing that, she feels she should tidy up the house...which is sometimes impossible. You may start work at 5.30 am...but so does she...probably earlier than that....because a mother of little children doesnt really sleep soundly anyway. I have been a stay at home mother. I have also been a person in paid employment....and as much as I adored my kids....paid employment is much easier than being a stay at home Mum. If you dont believe me....you stay at home for a little while and be "on-call" to your children and I am sure you will understand exactly how your wife would be feeling. Im sure she is looking forward to you coming home so she can have a break.

Answer 4

This is something that you and your wife need to work out. Every family and couple is different. Much of this depends on her attitude as well. It sounds like she is complaining that she needs a hand when you get home. Ask her what that means. Does she need you to take the kids off her hands for a little while? Is she trying to get some things done during this time?(you must realize how hard it is to get things accomplished with kids underfoot) You need to first start by being the leader of your family. One of the best ways to change your attitude is with gratitude. We started a family journal and we all try to write in it daily. We write about what we are thankful for. You and your wife both might be feeling a little under appreciated. You are the only two who can fix this. If you show her your appreciation for being at home all day with the kids, she will begin to do the same for you with working all day long. You need to be the change you want to see. We can only change others by example. If your wife needs some time during the day to get things done, you might suggest that she hire a teen mothers helper. This gives her some time to do things she needs to do in the house (like get a shower lol) and a little break from the kids. It will also train a babysitter for nights that you want to get out. Let your wife know that you need a little time before jumping into the family routine. Ask for 3 days a week that for one hour after you get home, you do whatever you want. Offer her the other 3 days! That way you both get time. One of the best times of the week for me is when my husband takes the kids to the park for a couple hours. Just having time alone to crank up some music and work on something without interruption is a God send. Sit down and talk about what you need with your wife. Take the time to listen to what she needs. Discuss the needs of the kids. Work out something and give it a try. If it doesn't work, try again the next week! Soon you'll have a plan that works for everyone. Good luck :)

Answer 5

It sounds like your wife is exhausted from dealing with two small kids all day, and neither one of you really understand what the other is going through. Try to work out a compromise, where you get some time to do whatever you want, she gets a break from the kids, and then the kids go to bed and you two get time together. Some nights this won't be possible because life gets in the way, but being understanding of each other's feelings and working together on it will help a lot.

Answer 6

Please! When you have a wife and 2 kids? Zero, zilch, nada, nuttin' honey!

Please! You gave up the right to free time for the next 17 years at minimum, when you decided to start a family. It wasn't just a sperm donation you know.

When does your wife get free time? Being home alone with the kids does NOT count as free time.

If you want some free time then both of you should schedule some time away for yourselves once a week or so. Or tell her that if she gives you half and hour immediately after work, then you will in turn give her half an hour when your half hour is finished. Or whatever timeframe works for the two of you.

The point is, it must be a two-way street. She needs alone time as much as you, and if she doesn't get any, you should not think that you are more entitled than she is, just because you work outside the home. Being home with kids is exhausting work as well.

Answer 7

I'm not sure there are any legitimate jobs you can do from home that are free. I understand your fear of scams, as there are a million of them out there, but there are also ways to investigate them to be certain they are fair. Should you decide to opt for a home business as opposed to a home job, I think you would find more success that way. Realizing of course, that purchasing a home business does mean an investment, but if you have the proper training and mentoring, you can quickly build a business that would replace your current income. When I say an investment, I am talking about less than $200 USD. This is something you can do from your home using your telephone, computer or face to face marketing. People are experiencing amazing success because this is a product in demand that is helping so many people with such a variety of health issues, that they are telling their friends and family and as a result, people are coming to me asking how they can get some too. I dedicate myself 100% to helping my people earn an income and so far there have been no disappointments. Definately something to consider.

Answer 8

I can relate to her. I was a stay at home mom for 3 yrs and my husband was the same way. Staying at home w/the kids is a huge non-stop, on-going job So when you are home she feels like, ok I am relieved, his turn. She feels like you get a break by leaving the home and going to work. He job is around the clock non stop. When my daughter turned 5, and started Kindergarden, I went back to work. I needed the break, and the freedom of being tied down in the house with hollering kids and laughing shows. LOL. Downtime is where I am now. I get off work, pick up the 2 yr old, and head home to cook, clean and do homework, where my husband is tired feels like since he makes more, I should do more. So downtime for me is midnight LOL You really don't get any until the babies get older, in my eyes.

Answer 9

What you might not have realised (or overlooked) is that fact that she is working all day too. Looking after kids is work too.(albeit unpaid) Free time is after the kids go to bed.
I am in sort of the same situation, I go to work around 5:30am get home around 3pm,(my wife and I both work) yet I clean, cook dinner, pick up the kids (girl 4, boy 6) etc etc
I also study at university part-time and I still have some free time. Maybe you want too much free time??

Answer 10

Being a stay at home mom is very hard work!! My husband works about the same hours you do and I stay home with our 3 kids. Here's our solution...when dad gets home he plays with the kids for a little while and I cook dinner, maybe pick up a little. The kids go to bed every night at 7:30 without any excuses!! We have a very rigid routine for bedtime and that way we both get some free time...either for ourselves or together! I know its hard, but parenting isn't an easy job!

Answer 11

I start playing with my kids as soon as I arrive home. I haven't seen my kids all day, so when I get home I try to play with them bath them and put them to bed. Then is time to take care of my wife. Life is difficult and you may be tire, but you kids wait for you and want their dad to play with them and show affection.

Take care of the kids one weekend on you own and you will see that not only you are tired but your wife is tired to. Marriage is about taking care of each other. I only get mad at my wife when I get home and she just take off to the TV. I believe that the responsibility in the house and out is 50 - 50 and if one can relax while the other work their is no split of responsibilities.

Honestly just be dare for the kids, after they go to bed you can do what you want.