I feel like I am married to my brother. We are not intimate at all. I have asked him several times what can I do to spice things up or make him desire/be attracted to me. He constantly blows me off and say he don't feel like talking about it. But yet he has cheated NUMEROUS of times. The s*x is horrible. I NEVER have an "O" and it's like he don't care. I really do love him and never thought I would feel this way but, all I can think about is being w/another man that will satisfy me in that area. What should I do? I am very attractive, and guys hit on me all the time EXCEPT my own husband. It's like he doesn't even notice me. No hugs, no kisses, no love notes, nothing other than come home and go to sleep. He said he pays the bills, provide for our family and come home every night, what's the problem. Please any advice will help me!
2007-10-04 01:21:59 · 21 answers · asked by sassy lady 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you should leave this man, u deserve better and who knows, without you there he may realise what he's missing and want or need you back, he sounds like a selfish pig
2007-10-04 01:24:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do you know if he is cheating, now? If he isn't cheating, have you forgiven his mistakes and tried to get past them? How do you treat him? Do you pamper, love, and appreciate him for paying the bills, providing for the family, and coming home every night? Maybe you should try another approach other than nagging about what he isn't doing.
Obviously you are attractive or guys wouldn't be hitting on you all the time, so you've got that part down. Now, work on making him feel loved and appreciated. Make sure your hubby comes home to a cooked meal everynight. Greet him at the door with a kiss and an 'I love you'. Be pleasant and ask him about his day. Pack his lunch, fix him breakfast, spend quality time with him doing nothing. If complaining and talking about what is bothering you isn't doing any good, try this approach. Just love your man and show him you appreciate him. Buy the book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". It is a real eye-opener for women. It tells us that what a man needs more than anything is to feel needed by the woman he loves. Let your man know you need him and you appreciate all he does. If he isn't giving you hugs, kisses, and love notes.........start giving them to him. Men are novices compared to women when it comes to romance, so you lead the way and with patience and guidance he will follow your lead.
It seems as though you are at a stand still in your relationship. You both have experienced, I'm sure, some very stressful times, but still you are together....so that shows some determination. Though, you said that your man has been the cheater....he seems to be the one who is withdrawn and resentful, so maybe you have pushed him away during your battles. This is extremely understandable, yet if you choose to stay with someone through times like this, you also must forgive and forget what they have done or you BOTH will be miserable.
Try loving your man and make a conscious effort to win back his affections. Seek counseling when you both are willing to talk about things. Try communicating with each other and sharing your feelings in a non-defensive manner. Just keep in mind the old adage....Treat others as you wish to be treated. Good luck to you!!
2007-10-04 02:16:01 · answer #2 · answered by Gretta 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I had a husband who was completely asexual, so I understand the thing about feeling like you’re married to your brother. We lived in separate parts of the house for 3 years! I understand how miserable it is to have no physical affection. Now in your case, the fact that your husband has cheated tells me that he is into sex, just not with you. That is really shitty. And the fact that other men hit on you and you can say with confidence that you are an attractive woman means this husband of yours is an idiot. If I were in your shoes, I would tell hubby that if he doesn’t want to please me there are plenty of men out there who will and since he sees nothing wrong with getting his jollies elsewhere, you are entitled to the same.
If you have a decent marriage otherwise, you live civilly together, have a comfortable life, etc., maybe you guys just need to face the reality that you can’t please each other sexually and allow for an open marriage arrangement where you can both have your physical needs met by other people. If he isn’t up for that, then I’d be filing for divorce. Why should he be the only one having sex?
2007-10-04 01:40:00 · answer #3 · answered by meagain 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like he's neither. Since he's cheated on you several times, it's time for drastic measures. I would say either he goes for couseling with you to find out what the problem is and how to fix it, or file the papers. There are many facets to a relationship and when you are married, intimacy is definitely one of them. Don't cheat on him. Two wrongs won't make things right. If this is something that he refuses to work on, then get out. There's more to a fulfilling relationship than providing financial support and you deserve more. Don't settle for less.
2007-10-04 02:13:21 · answer #4 · answered by ursobustedmr 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do you know his parents very well? Is this the same way his father treats his mother? If so, he may think this is the way a husband should act towards his wife. And if this is the case and he does not want to talk about it or try to resolve the problem - for your own happiness you might want to look some where else. But if it did not stem from his parents point of view and what you have stated it is safe to say that he does not love you - a husband that truly loves his wife wants to please her in all aspects of the marriage, that includes in the bed room and they do not cheat on their wives. Is he willing to see a marriage councilor? if not, well.......
2007-10-04 01:32:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you both need to set down and talk about what you each want from your marriage, if you cannot talk it out, write it out and each of you read what the other wants. Its not going ot be easy! My husband and I went thru pre-marital counseling, we laid it out for each other. It sounds harsh, but things are clearly understood by both!
Leaving him will not solve your dissatisfaction in your marriage or any relationship you have!
Ask him how his day was, ask him if he needs a back rub ... Seriously, start a conversation about him and his day, make him feel that you really want to hear about his day, though your day may have really been hard, he might need someone to listen to him and help with something!
This too could be how he was raised, his Dad might have been the same way! WORK on it before you give up! I look to my parents, they will be married for 40 years the 7th of Oct. They are not perfect, but they talk to each other!!!!
2007-10-04 01:34:37 · answer #6 · answered by PSYCHO DAISY MAE 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
see thats wrong, when u love someone ur suppose to kiss them and love them up, so somethings wrong here, yep somethings not right. i don't like it. it would be nice if u had someone close to u that could give u the once over and make sure that its not u, then when u know that and are sure about it then i'd say it has to be him. sounds to me like he is a gambler. it would be nice if u could go out and buy him a horse, then he would see that u care and he would love u back many times. i hope i'm wrong but if not u have a long road in front of u, and i wish u the best of luck and i will also keep u in my prayers
2007-10-04 01:36:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is a womanizer...you deserve better in every aspect. If he feels like that his job is to provide financially, then he can continue to do that after your marriage is disolved via alamony or child support. Then he can continue doing as he as been doing in reality...sleeping around and paying some bills. Then you can finally meet a decent man and live life the way you should...happily.
2007-10-04 09:26:22 · answer #8 · answered by urawhat21 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Evidently he doesn't come home at night before a stop or two if he's been cheating like you say. Sit him down and tell the man if things don't change he can hit the road.
2007-10-04 01:27:39 · answer #9 · answered by aswkingfish 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Since he has cheated on you numerous times, it seems clear that he believes that having sex with other people is OK in your marriage. Since what you want is sex, go have sex with someone -- it is very easy for women to find willing male partners. Of course, it would be polite of you to inform your husband in advance of what you're going to do, so that he has one last opportunity to fulfill your sexual needs. However, as the saying goes, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
2007-10-04 01:31:25 · answer #10 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Sounds like he is confortable (you both are) you, being a female........IF you need to ask him how to spice up your marriage you need to seek a counselor ASAP!!
why the heck would you ask him? Guys have now clue how to spice there relationship up.
2007-10-04 01:25:25 · answer #11 · answered by Numb 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋